15 Common Things That Turn Women Off During Sex
Avoid these if you don’t want to pump her brakes
A lot of guys really want to know how to turn a woman on.
That’s extremely important information. Knowing how to be seductive, having the right moves, and doing all the things that fan her arousal will help you get laid more often and leave your partner wanting a repeat performance.
But there’s one thing that matters even more, and that’s making sure you don’t do anything that turns her off.
Even if you don’t do anything specifically to turn a girl on, you might still get somewhere with her. She might be thinking about you when you’re not around. She might be worked up and horny after burning through half a dozen erotic novellas. She might have strong sexual urges that she wants to use up on you.
But if you do something that actively turns her off, you can spoil your chances of getting some - no matter how horny she is.
There are things that can mess up her arousal or kill her libido in an instant. If you do them, she’ll have to put in a lot of mental effort just to keep going. And sometimes she won’t be able to get it back after she lost it, no matter how hard she tries.
Doing things that turn her off can also make you seem less attractive. It can completely change the way she looks at you in that moment. You can go from seeming confident to clumsy, from suave to clueless, or from studly to selfish.
And she might just hesitate before saying yes the next time. If she anticipates that something might spoil her arousal, she might decide to jill off instead of bothering with it.
Thankfully, it’s easy to avoid all that.
Part of it is good, solid communication. Every woman has her own unique turn-offs. Maybe she thinks blue jeans look ridiculous. Or she might not be able to stand the way facial hair feels against her skin. Whatever it is, you won’t know unless she tells you or you ask about it.
But there are some really common ones that you should assume will take her out of the mood. If you want to impress her in the sack and have her looking forward to the next time, avoid these.
1. Not Listening to Her Feedback
This is a really common issue for women. She tries to communicate what she wants during sex and it doesn’t get taken up.
The guy she’s with might flat out ignore what she’s saying. He just keeps doing whatever he’s been doing.
Or he might take her instructions the wrong way. In some cases, he’ll take it as a criticism of his skills and get defensive. In others, he’ll turn it back on her and try to belittle her for the things she wants. He’ll imply that she’s high maintenance because she keeps asking for more foreplay, that she’s weird for wanting a bit of light bondage, or that getting her off is too much trouble.
Some guys will just pay lip service to her needs. They’ll listen to her feedback, say they’ll give it to her the way she wants, and then not actually change a thing.
All of those reactions are major turn-offs.
For one thing, it means that she’s not getting the kind of action that makes her wet and gets her off. If she likes it soft and slow, fast and hard, with lots of lube, or with a little more passion, she’s a lot less likely to have an amazing time if she doesn’t get those things.
It also says something about the guy she’s with.
When a guy doesn’t listen, he comes across like he’s inattentive to her needs, too selfish to care about what she wants, or too unskilled to actually give it to her. None of those are attractive qualities.
2. Talking a Big Game
By and large, women find confidence to be an extremely attractive quality in a man.
I can take that even further. I’m really into guys who are just a little bit cocky.
Maybe it’s my daddy issues, maybe it’s my sexual submissiveness, but there’s something about a guy who does a little bit of bragging that I find really exciting.
But it all comes crashing down if he can’t back it up.
Some guys flirt by boasting. And promising her a good time can be part of the seduction if it’s done right.
It can steer her mind to sex. It can make her curious about what kind of moves he’s going to use on her. It can challenge her to escalate and keep the banter dirty.
When the boasting turns out to be all talk, though, it just makes the guy look arrogant. Instead of the great time she was promised, it ends in disappointment. And that’s not a sexy feeling at all.
3. Bad Grooming Habits
When I was sixteen, I had a sleepover with a friend. Our boyfriends snuck over after dark for an illicit makeout session.
Once they left, she told me she was glad they were gone. She loved her boyfriend, but said his breath was horrible. She hated making out with him because of it but felt too bad to actually say anything. So, she locked lips with him anyway and tried to power through.
No guy should rely on finding a girl with that kind of devotion, though.
Sex is a multisensory experience. Touch, sight, and sound are all part of it, but so are taste and smell. Those can add to the experience, but if they’re unpleasant they can be distracting and unarousing.
Good grooming habits take care of that. Nothing fancy. Just hopping into the shower for a quick wash before the start of the evening, brushing teeth after supper, and reapplying deodorant if it’s needed.
Cologne and scented beard oils are always a good choice. Gum and breath mints can do in a pinch. And keeping hands clean and washed is essential.
Balls are another problem area. It’s a hot spot for sweat and the smells that come along with it. Not giving it at least a quick scrub before getting frisky seriously reduces the odds of her giving head and might cut the blowjob short if she does decide to go down.
4. Being Too Aggressive
A lot of women love to be fucked fast and hard, but there still needs to be a proper buildup to that point.
The best sex has a natural progression. So much of her arousal is going to come from the anticipation she feels. It’s in the way her breath gets heavier and heavier while she’s being touched. It’s the way her body warms up until it’s practically feverish when she can feel the action escalating.
Moving too quickly from flirting to foreplay, or from foreplay to fucking, can take her out of that zone - or miss it altogether.
So can being too rough with her.
A little bit of manhandling isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It can convey passion or feel intense.
But going too hard can just feel clumsy, especially if a guy does it too soon.
Groping too firmly, grabbing and throwing her around too much, kissing in a way that feels like mouth wrestling will tend to make her pump the brakes instead of pressing the accelerator.
5. Treating Aftercare Like It’s Optional
Giving high-quality foreplay is a big part of being great at sex. Knowing a few techniques, being able to keep a good rhythm, and getting a bit creative in the sack doesn’t hurt either.
A lot of people don’t realize that what happens after a fuck can be just as important.
Aftercare is all the things you do after sex to sustain the connection you just experienced. It can involve cuddling, talking, or just hanging out and being present with each other. It’s really simple stuff, but not getting it can make the sex you just had seem kind of shitty.
That’s why women complain so much about guys who grab their phones or roll over and go to sleep right after sex. It doesn’t just make them feel lonely - it can cause some emotional discomfort that makes them feel less sexually satisfied.
Skipping past the aftercare can be enough to turn her off, even if he was making her really horny just minutes before.
6. Not Showing Enough Enthusiasm
A surprising number of guys fuck like they don’t give a damn that they’re fucking.
They’re quiet. They don’t show a lot of gusto. They almost seem checked out.
That’s enough to kill a lady boner because two things that really turn a woman on are feeling sexy and seeing the person they’re with get aroused, get lost in pleasure, and get off.
When there’s no enthusiasm from his end, it takes her head out of the game. She’ll spend half the time wondering if he’s really into her and all the things she’s doing to him.
That’s why it makes such a huge difference when a guy grunts, groans, and talks dirty during sex. A guy who gives her filthy compliments while undressing her, strokes her hair while she sucks him off, and fucks her like he wants her (not just like he wants sex) is going to rock her world.
When a woman complains that she feels like a human sex toy, sometimes it’s because she’s being jackhammered without any buildup or she gives a lot of pleasure but doesn’t get much in return.
But a lot of times, it’s this kind of thing. It’s fucking a guy with a detached attitude. A guy who doesn’t give any feedback. A guy who doesn’t show strong signs of desire. That’s what makes her feel like she’s being used as a hands-free Fleshlight.
7. Ratty Underwear
Men aren’t always used to thinking of themselves as sexual objects. Because of that, they can lose sight of the fact that their lady is paying attention to how they look during sex.
She wants some visual stimulation. But she won’t get much of it if her guy has some horrible underwear game.
It honestly doesn’t take all that much. Some choices are better than others, but most men’s underwear is inoffensive and just fine.
The biggest problem is when the underwear gets worn out. Boxer briefs that got loose over time, rips and tears in the fabric, and waistbands that have gotten slack are all going to make it a lot less exciting to watch his pants come off.
8. Not Giving Enough
Most women need a lot of clit stimulation to come.
Even the ones who don’t need it still tend to love the fuck out of it.
Part of what makes sex so exciting and pleasurable is having someone else’s fingers on her clit and a mouth on her pussy.
Getting cheated out of that is a major bummer.
Not only does it mean she gets a lot less pleasure and way fewer orgasms, but the penetration she gets won’t feel as good if there’s no extra stimulation.
And yeah, she can take care of it herself, but it feels so much better when someone else is giving her clit some love.
It’s also a turn off because it changes the dynamic. Instead of two people trying to give each other pleasure, sex with a taker feels one-sided.
This also applies to guys who are done when they come. It’s normal for someone to finish first - hitting your peaks at the same time takes a lot of precise timing and even then it’s really easy to miss the mark. The problem is when the person who comes first thinks it’s the end of the action.
When she’s done first, she’ll suck or jerk him off to completion, she’ll wiggle her ass or push her tits together for him while he strokes to a finish, or she’ll moan in his ear while she watches him make himself come.
She expects the same kind of treatment when he finishes first.
She’ll want to get fingered and eaten out until she tips over into an orgasm. She’ll want him to use her favorite vibrator on her. At the very least, she’ll want him to whisper how fucking hot it is to watch her masturbate to a climax.
Being left high and dry or feeling like she has to go secretly jill off in the shower isn’t anyone’s idea of a hot, sexy finish.
9. Trying to Nudge Past Her Boundaries
A lot of people treat sexual boundaries like they’re a limit to how much fun they can have.
They’re actually a way to make sure everyone can get extra horny and be as dirty as they want to be.
Having clear and solid boundaries in place means that everyone involved gets to feel safe. And feeling safe is a major turn-on.
I can give my husband the most enthusiastic, sloppy head I want because I know he would never come in my mouth without permission. I can put my face down and my ass up when he tells me to, knowing that he won’t try to finger or fuck my ass without a clear sign that I’m open to it.
But when there’s no trust, there’s less vulnerability. It limits what she’s comfortable doing. Instead of opening up, she feels defensive and closed off.
That’s one of the reasons women get so turned off by guys who try to get them out of their comfort zones.
The guy who keeps asking his partner for some deepthroat action even though she’s not into the idea at all. The guy who wants to try anal so badly that it doesn’t matter to him that she’s extremely reluctant. They make themselves seem impulsive and pushy, which are very unattractive qualities.
There are also the guys who take a maybe as permission to nudge things along. If she’s curious about getting facefucked but not quite ready to try it, thrusting into her mouth during a blowjob isn’t going to get her there. It will just make her feel disrespected and feel the need to put her guard up.
Any pestering and pushiness takes all the fun out of experimenting, too. It makes trying out bondage, swallowing, or assplay into something she feels pressured to do instead of something she gets to playfully explore along with him.
10. Courtesy Licks
Licking her clit for thirty seconds doesn’t count as eating her pussy.
Maybe it’s because they’re in a rush. Maybe it’s because they think foreplay is just a way to get a woman warm and wet. But for whatever reason, some guys only give a few courtesy licks when they go down on a woman.
It’s not enough. Not even close.
Unless she’s extremely sensitive, comes in under a minute, and pushes his head away, those token laps might be even worse than not going down on her at all.
That’s because courtesy licking is likely to make her highly self-conscious. She might assume he’s grossed out by her pussy, which is going to make her feel unattractive and a lot less horny.
It also shows a lack of enthusiasm, like he’s trying to do the bare minimum instead of really getting into it. And fucking someone who doesn’t seem into it is a turn-off for anyone.
11. Being Weird About Condoms
A guy who assumes he doesn’t have to wear a condom will seem irresponsible. A guy who whines when he’s asked to use one is going to look downright childish.
There’s nothing hot about a guy complaining about having to use protection or about how it doesn’t feel good unless it’s bare.
Not only is it pushing past her boundaries, but it will make her wonder why he’s so damn careless about his own safety.
Guys who have an ego about their condom sizes are almost as bad. They won’t complain about wearing condoms, at least. But they’re probably using the wrong kind.
There’s nothing wrong with an average or more modest cock, at all. But when he insists on sheathing it in something labeled XXXL, that screams insecurities. It’s not only risky, it’s also unattractive.
12. Demeaning Dirty Talk
A lot of guys don’t talk dirty at all, which is a damn shame.
But some of the ones who do only seem to know how to throw out insults.
Their idea of dirty talk is to call the lady they’re fucking a slut, a whore, or a dirty bitch.
That kind of dirty talk can be fine in some situations. But it’s a very specific kink, and one that requires consent.
For women who are really into humiliation, being called derogatory names is going to be incredibly arousing. For the majority of women who aren’t into that kind of thing, though, it’s going to feel insulting and might even cut the sex short.
13. Giving Too Much
This one might seem counterintuitive. And there are plenty of women who have never been with a guy who gives way too much during sex. But those who have will know that it’s not always as great as it sounds.
Giving is really hot and essential. Everyone should be selfless and focused on giving pleasure during sex.
But a guy who is so chivalrous that he never takes anything ends up seeming kind of uninterested.
When he never takes anything, asks for her to give him pleasure, or has any clear and decisive preferences, it’s like he’s indifferent to what happens next. And that feels a lot like him not wanting her.
Some women love the feeling of being taken, of having a guy do something to her just because he wants to. It’s usually for that reason - that kind of decisiveness shows desire. And how much he wants it makes her feel desirable.
She wants to feel like the guy she’s fucking is in the moment with her, that he’s turned on by her, and that he wants her in some very specific ways.
When all he does is give her whatever she wants without any strong preferences of his own, it can turn her off even though she’s getting all the sexual stimulation she wants.
14. Being Too Gentle
Sensual sex can be highly erotic, incredibly pleasurable, and deeply intimate.
It’s fucking great. But only when you’re in the mood for it.
It’s a great way to spend a lazy Sunday in bed. It can help couples reconnect and explore their bodies when they haven’t done it in a while.
But most of the time, she’ll want more.
Every girl wants to be flipped over and pounded hard once in a while.
A little manhandling doesn’t hurt, either. Neither does a good, sharp slap on the ass.
And it’s not all that uncommon for a woman to want her wrists pinned down or her hair tugged gently.
All of those things can be a little much when they happen too soon or too abruptly. But once the action gets going, when she’s on fire and wants to feel his passion, the last thing she wants is to be treated like she’s fragile.
15. Routine Sex
Even really good sex can get boring. There can be plenty of stimulation, orgasms galore, and lots of heavy, sweaty action - but there won’t be any excitement if it’s all predictable.
Falling into a routine is easy when you’ve been with someone long enough. Something feels really good, so you do it every time. When a move just works, it becomes part of the repertoire. After a while, every fuck starts to feel the same.
Often, when a woman loses interest in sex it’s because it feels like the guy she’s with is going through the motions instead of going with the flow.
Little surprises are incredibly arousing during sex. Being touched in a way you didn’t anticipate feels amazing. Trying new positions, new techniques, and new activities can get her really hot.
When the sex gets predictable, it becomes all about the physical stimulation and the orgasms. The thrill washes right out of it.
Give Her What She Needs
Guys often complain that women are really complicated when it comes to sex. But I really don’t think that’s true - no more complicated than guys anyway.
If you want to avoid turning a woman off, all you really need to know boils down to a few basics.
She wants to feel safe, respected, and desirable.
She wants you to show enough enthusiasm so she can desire you, too.
She wants a little bit of excitement thrown in.
And she wants her pussy eaten properly.
If you’ve got all that down, you’ll get to enjoy the horniest and dirtiest version of her there is.
If you liked this article, you should totally check out the Unsolicited Sexual Advice (Rating Dicks, Next Level Anal, and Daddy Dom 101) episode of my dirty and intimate sex podcast, Pillow Talk With Emma Austin!
