Why She Hides Her Porn Use From You
Women watch porn too, but we don’t always tell you about it
I came across a comment recently that made me skeptical.
It was by a dude who wished more women were into porn.
He says he’s in a relationship now. He’s dated plenty of other women before his current lady too.
He’s aware that some women watch porn, but he’s convinced it’s rare. It must be, because none of the women he’s ever been with were into it.
That’s the moment my Spidey Senses: A XXX Parody started tingling like a clit that’s been dabbed with arousal oil.
It actually goes off very frequently. This wasn’t the first guy who is dead sure his lady doesn’t watch porn. It’s a common assumption and I can count on seeing it a few times a week.
And no, it’s not impossible. There are definitely women out there who don’t watch any porn at all. That’s a thing for sure.
But women are horny, curious, visual, and easily titillated creatures. We buy Kindles just so we can fill them with kinky smut. We watch terrible movies and TV shows just because we heard there are hot dudes in steamy scenes.
We know how to find all the porn we want online. We’ve got our favorite tube sites too.
It’s just that we also know how to clear our browser histories once we’re done using them.
So when a guy says his partner doesn’t watch porn, my assumption isn’t that he’s right. My assumption is that she’s good at hiding it.
That seems way more likely to me.
But I think a lot of guys jump to the opposite conclusion because they figure she has no reason to keep her porn use from him.
Except she probably does. Porn is good, dirty, harmless fun, but there are still a few reasons she might want to keep her porn use to herself.
She Wants Complete Porn Privacy
Even if she’s sharing a life with you, there are some things she might want to keep for herself.
Her sexual fantasies might be one of those.
Fantasizing and watching porn are really good ways to get in touch with yourself. You can get lost in dirty ideas and explore all the random, weird things that turn you on.
When you let other people in on that, it can change the whole vibe.
Instead of melting into your fantasies, you start to wonder how they might look to someone else. You start analyzing why you’re into them instead of just enjoying the fact that you are.
Getting off stops being a private little indulgence and it just becomes one more part of your life that someone else is clued into.
That’s not necessarily a bad thing. I like the fact that I’m a completely open book and my husband is too, right down to the filthiest porn we watch.
But I totally get why someone would want to keep it to themselves.
If she’s quiet about her porn use, it could just be that she doesn’t want to lose that last bit of privacy. She wants to have one thing that’s just there to help her get in touch with herself - or just to help her touch herself.
She’s Embarrassed By What Turns Her On
My husband knew that I watched porn pretty much from the moment we met.
He even knew some of the stuff I was into. Anal porn was big for me. Babysitters showed up a lot in my favorite scenes.
I told him about the pussyjobs I loved watching. He knew I’d dipped into massage porn too.
But I couldn’t bring myself to tell him everything.
He didn’t know that most of the scenes I clicked on involved light family roleplay. Stepsiblings fucking. Stepdaughters getting manhandled by the guy who married their mom. MILFs putting the moves on young studs they were kind of related to.
If it had “step” in the title, there was a good chance it would turn me on.
But I kept that to myself.
Same with stuck porn. Helpless girls with their asses hanging out of dryers getting taken advantage of.
You know what I’m talking about. You’ve seen it.
I loved it, but I couldn’t bring myself to admit it.
It took me even longer to tell Mr. Austin that I’m into DDlg porn. It’s sweet, kinky, playful - exactly the kind of thing I love getting off to.
I felt perfectly comfortable with all those fantasies. I didn’t feel embarrassed by any of those things - as long as he didn’t know about them.
I worried about the way it would look. I didn’t know what he’d think of me if he found out that some of my fantasies were low-key sketchy.
And that’s one of the reasons some women hide their porn use. Not because it’s porn, but because she doesn’t want to feel judged for the things that turn her on.
Women are nasty, so there’s no telling what her porn searches are like.
They might include extreme degradation and humiliation. There could be some dark consensual nonconsent in there too. Maybe nothing excites her like seeing women go airtight.
But if she thinks there’s even a shred of a chance you’ll look down on her because of it, there’s a good chance she’ll play it safe instead of confessing her kinks.
She Doesn’t Want You to Get the Wrong Impression
Swallowing can be really fucking hot.
There’s something very satisfying about watching a blowjob that ends with a girl enthusiastically taking it all down.
The cock twitching while it pumps come past her lips. The appreciative moan when she feels the load pouring out on her tongue. Her proud smile after she makes every drop disappear.
It gives me the urge to call her a good girl, even though I’m watching it in the comfort of my home.
What it doesn’t give me the urge to do is swallow.
Been there. Done that. No thank you.
I’ll probably never get spunk in my mouth again and that’s exactly how I want it.
That’s the beauty of porn. You can explore all sorts of fantasies. You can get aroused by things you don’t actually want to do. You can peep in on things you couldn’t even do if you wanted to.
You can get off to things that would actively turn you off if they happened to you - like a mouthful of spunk.
A lot of fantasies are just fantasies. And that’s perfectly normal. But it’s also typical for people to jump to conclusions.
So she might keep her porn to herself so you don’t get any ideas.
She doesn’t want you to think that her love of double penetration porn means actually wants to try anal sex.
She might just fantasize about butt stuff without ever actually wanting to try it. Or maybe she just loves to see girls pushing their bodies past what she’ll do with hers. It could just get her really turned on to see a girl get fucked by two guys who are so sexually secure they don’t mind that their dicks are practically rubbing against each other.
If she watches girls getting throatfucked, it doesn’t mean she wants you to start testing her gag reflex.
It’s more likely that she gets turned on seeing girls get really slutty and submissive. Or maybe it’s the way it makes a guy seem dominant and powerful.
Either way, it doesn’t mean she ever wants to gag on anything - including a cock.
And lots of girls who are mostly straight will get themselves off exclusively to all-girl porn.
It could be for all sorts of reasons. She might want to see women getting pleasure and that’s one of the most reliable ways to see it. Maybe the orgasms in girl-on-girl scenes feel more authentic to her. She might find it uncomfortable to see a guy being dominant with a girl, but doesn’t mind seeing women roughing each other up.
But a lot of guys will assume it means one thing and one thing only - that they’re shacked up with a secret lesbian.
The list of conclusions a guy could jump to is basically endless. So she might just feel that it’s a lot easier to keep that stuff to herself instead.
She’s Ashamed of It
There’s nothing wrong with watching porn. But there’s a lot of baggage around it.
It’s normal to be drawn to porn. It’s fun to watch and really arousing. It’s people fucking, and it doesn’t get more entertaining than that.
Plus, there aren’t nearly enough erotic thrillers these days and we’ve got to get our rocks off somewhere.
But it’s something a lot of us were told is seedy, gross, or inappropriate. All sorts of wholesome people watch porn, but you’ll still come across the idea that it’s only for degenerates - and they mean that in a bad way.
That shit can get to you. And if you internalize enough of it, you can feel deeply ashamed for watching a bit of smut.
On top of that, there’s a lot of people spreading misinformation about porn.
It gets blamed for relationship problems, for mismatched libidos, for couples feeling emotionally disconnected, for guys not being able to get hard. You name a relationship problem, someone’s out there trying to convince you that porn is responsible for it.
It’s enough to make people feel guilty for watching it - even if there’s no real reason to feel that way.
And it might just be why she can’t admit to watching hardcore scenes. Because on some level, she bought into the idea that she shouldn’t be doing it.
She’s Worried You Can’t Handle It
A lot of guys are a lot more sexually insecure than they think.
It usually just takes one little thing to bring it out of them. And their partner’s porn use can definitely do the trick.
Some of the guys who wish their partner to watch porn only want that because they have a very specific idea of what kind of porn she’d be into. Something kind of basic and vanilla. Maybe it’s a little kinky, but not too far from whatever he’s into.
In reality, there’s a good chance that your partner’s porn history is like a Pandora’s Box filled with all sorts of your sexual fears.
She’s specifically searching for guys with dicks that are way bigger than yours. Or you can tell she clearly has a type, and he’s got the kind of body you’ve never been able to get.
She could be getting off to all sorts of sex acts you’re not interested in doing at all. She’s watching women get fucked rough, choked, and dominated - all stuff you couldn’t give her even if you tried.
It’s full of guys saying filthy, degrading things to women. But she can’t take you seriously when you try to pull the same thing with her.
Maybe she can’t stop watching cheating porn, so now you have a hundred questions - and none of them make you feel good.
So, she decides it’s better to protect your feelings. If her porn habits involve guys who aren’t like you, who give women things you can’t give her, or do things that would make you uncomfortable, she might keep quiet about it so it doesn’t make you feel weird.
She Doesn’t Want to Be Controlled
Some guys are fine with their partner watching porn - until things don’t go their way.
Something about their sex life starts to frustrate him.
She doesn’t fuck him enough for his taste. Or she’s too boring in bed and he’s getting tired of the sex being so vanilla.
She wants way too much sex and he feels emasculated because he can’t keep up. Or she develops kinks that are too freaky for his liking.
That’s when he starts to wonder if porn’s the problem.
If she watched more of it, she’d have a higher sex drive. It might even inspire her to try something fun and nasty.
If she stopped watching it, she could save all her sexual energies for him and he’d actually get laid regularly.
Maybe if she eased off on the smut, she wouldn’t be acting like such a sex maniac.
And should she even be allowed to watch extreme porn when it’s clearly turning her into some kind of girl perv?
It doesn’t actually work like that.
When there are sexual or relationship issues, porn is almost never the problem. But it’s usually the first thing people like to blame.
And if they think porn is the problem, then the solution is to control how much porn they watch - or what kind.
It’s gross. But it’s not rare.
Even some people who normally aren’t all that controlling think it’s okay when it comes to porn.
A lot of women know that a guy might pull this move when their sex life hits a rough patch. And that’s enough for her to keep it on the down low.
Porn’s Not a Big Deal
I fucking love porn. Huge fan over here.
It’s a part of my life and it does a lot for me. It turns me on. It’s really fun to watch. It satisfies my curiosity. It helps me come harder.
All really good stuff.
But I also feel like it’s not that big of a deal.
It’s just another kind of entertainment. So, it seems silly to worry too much about your partner watching it.
It’d be like overanalyzing their love of Star Wars. Or wishing a little too hard that they’d start watching The Office.
If your lady’s open with you about the smut she loves, great. Bringing it in the open can be fun as long as you’re both comfortable with it.
But you’re not really missing out on much if she keeps it to herself. It won’t stop you from enjoying all the porn you want, it won’t really change much about your relationship, and it definitely won’t make your sex life any worse.
If she’s hiding her porn use from you, she’s got her reasons. And no matter what they are, it’s really not a big deal - as long as you don’t make it one.
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If you liked this article, you should totally check out the How the Grinch Gaped Christmas (Cowgirl Anal, Whoresville, and the Porn Baldwin Brother) episode of my dirty and intimate sex podcast, Pillow Talk With Emma Austin!
