Bad Anal Sex Advice You Should Never Follow
Ignore these if you want pleasurable anal
I love anal sex, but I have a love-hate relationship with anal sex advice.
Don’t get me wrong. I think anal sex tips are super important and we shouldn’t stop sharing them.
I definitely could’ve used some when I tried anal for the first time.
I didn’t really know what I was doing. I left everything up to my boyfriend because he had done it before. I was mostly doing it for him anyway.
That’s the perfect setup for a terrible anal sex experiences. But I guess I got lucky because it wasn’t all that bad. Not bad enough for me to swear off butt stuff for good anyway.
The next time I feel madly in love, I tried anal again. This time, though, I was the one who initiated it. I had just been fucked really well, I felt him get hard again, and I got the urge to have his cock in my ass.
That experience was so much better. It was downright amazing. It felt naughty, sexy, and super intimate. It was powerfully intense and incredibly pleasurable. It made me come really fucking hard too.
It was so good that I thought about doing it again whenever I got extremely horny.
But even though I was having great anal sex, I still didn’t actually know much about it - or what made it so much better than the anal I had before.
So when I started struggling with it, I didn’t know what to do. I had no idea how to enjoy it again. I wanted to go back to those times when I took his cock easily and gasped at how shockingly pleasurable it felt. But I just couldn’t figure it out.
Something was missing. I just didn’t know what it was. We had plenty of lube and patience, but it just wasn’t enough.
After trying and failing too many times, I gave up on it. I swore off anal for about ten years - even though it kept showing up in my hottest fantasies.
That’s why I’m always happy to see people sharing good anal advice.
Knowing how to enjoy your ass in a way that’s comfortable and pleasurable is a big deal. It can help you bring your dirty fantasies to life. It can help you experience a different kind of stimulation and a new kind of orgasm. It can add more variety and exploration to your sex life.
That’s all great.
It’s also why so many of the anal sex tips I come across really bother me.
Usually, the problem is that the advice is way too basic.
It’ll cover some really important stuff, like talking about it with your partner, lubing up really well, and going slowly. But they also leave out some of the steps you might need to take if you want to have amazing anal.
Sometimes, though, it’s even worse than that. The tips aren’t too basic - they’re misleading or misguided. And following them could completely ruin your fun.
I want everyone who tries any kind of ass play to have a good shot at enjoying it. If you love the idea of having some anal fun, there’s a really good chance you can do it in a way that’s genuinely pleasurable and arousing. But only if you ignore these five bad anal sex tips.
Just Relax
This is one of the most common anal sex tips you’ll see. And it’s mostly right. But it’s also wrong in two really big ways.
Your asshole is built for clenching. If you’re too nervous or worried, it’s going to tighten up and you won’t be able to enjoy any kind of penetration. Not in that hole, anyway.
But there’s more to loosening up than just calming your nerves.
Breathing steadily, trying to stay chill, and ignoring your stressful thoughts can help, I guess. But you can’t just meditate your way to good anal.
You also need to physically relax your asshole. And to do that, you need to bear down.
It’s a really simple technique but it makes all the difference. In fact, if you’re fully calm and ready to get your ass fucked but it still doesn’t work, this is probably what’s missing.
That’s why just relaxing isn’t enough. Because it’s not always your mind that get in the way of you enjoying anal - sometimes it’s your ass.
But the other problem with this tip is that a lot of women who have trouble with anal aren’t struggling because they’re nervous. They’re struggling because they’re not excited for it at all.
Plenty of women love anal. But a lot of us try it because it’s something our partner wants to do. And that’s not a great introduction to it.
You can steady yourself, breathe calmly, and even bear down. It probably still won’t be amazing if you’re just putting up with it instead of actually wanting it.
The best way to have an amazing anal experience is to actually be into the idea. Like, really into it. You have to find it hot. You have to be horny for it. You have to get to that point where you want your partner’s cock in your ass - even if it makes you kind of nervous.
Just relaxing can’t make up for an actual desire for anal.
Use Numbing Products
Most of the places that sell sex toys will also sell you numbing products for your ass.
Some of them seem kind of bogus. They’re basically lubes with essential oils.
Maybe they really do something special to your ass. Maybe it’s the placebo effect in action. Or maybe it’s just that rubbing lubed up fingers on your sensitive little butthole is a good way to ease into assplay. I don’t know, but they seem pretty harmless.
The ones that really concern me are the ones that have an actual numbing agent. In every product I’ve seen, the active ingredient is benzocaine.
Yep, it’s basically Orajel for your asshole.
I completely understand the temptation to experiment with something like that. Even if you love anal sex, it can be kind of tricky to pull off. I’ve been super horny for a good buttfuck and still struggled to make it work.
In those cases, having a shortcut would’ve been nice.
But that shortcut shouldn’t involve numbing any part of your body.
For one thing, it would make it way less enjoyable. Part of the fun of anal sex is the way it feels. It’s an intense and incredibly pleasurable sensation. I don’t want to numb myself to that - I want to experience all of it.
The bigger problem, though, is that these products make it harder for you to know if something’s going wrong.
Anal sex can be incredibly safe, but your body has a way of telling you when you’re doing too much or going too hard. That’s what the pain and heavy discomfort are there for. They’re not feelings you should ignore - they’re a signal that you need to stop what you’re doing.
I do wish anal was easier. If it was as easy as getting my pussy fucked, I’d do it way more often.
But numbing products are way too risky and I would never recommend them.
Just the Tip
Another piece of advice I’ve seen way too often is to just put up with all the bad feelings so you can get to the fun part.
Basically, the idea is that the initial penetration can be painful. But once his cock is inside your ass, it’ll be a blast. So, just grit your teeth and let him push the tip in because it’ll be enjoyable after that.
And, uh, no.
Anal sex isn’t supposed to hurt. It most certainly can, but that’s a sign you need to stop or try it a different way. You should never power through the pain.
It’s true that the initial penetration can be the hardest thing to get right. There can even be a bit of discomfort at first that I personally find is worth tolerating because it’s fleeting and feels really fucking good once I get past it.
But the kind of discomfort that makes you want to wince, that’s a different story. Always tap out if it feels painful or really uncomfortable.
And honestly, if it hurts to take the tip you probably won’t actually have a good time taking the whole dick. I’m sure it happens, but a painful initial penetration almost always leads to more pain and discomfort.
Start With His Cock
Okay, this one isn’t actually a piece of advice that people give. Not explicitly anyway.
You won’t find any articles on how to do anal that will tell you that you need to start by taking his cock in your ass. But it’s implied in a lot of them.
A lot of the anal advice you’ll find is going to take it for granted that you’re trying to take a guy’s cock in your ass - and that it’s the first and only thing you’ll be putting in there.
And I really don’t think it should be.
Taking a cock in your ass is advanced level anal. Intermediate level, at the very least.
It’s so much better if you start with something lighter or slimmer and work your way up to it.
External anal stimulation is a really good way to kick off your anal play. Rubbing your asshole with lubed fingers, getting your ass eaten, or having him hotdog you by rubbing his slick cock against your ass are all going to help you ease into it - and they feel really good too.
For penetration, you can start by easing one finger in. Once you’re really enjoying the sensation of getting your ass fingered, you can try taking two.
A manageable buttplug is really good too. So is an anal training set. Using a tapered toy is a great way to give yourself an easier initial penetration before working more girth into your ass.
Once you do that, it’ll be so much easier to take your partner’s cock. And all that extra work you did to prep your ass will give you extra anal pleasure, so it’s absolutely worth it even if you’re really craving his dick.
Get on Top
There’s no standard position for easier anal sex. And articles on anal sex positions are kind of all over the place.
Some people insist missionary is the secret to a comfortable ass fucking. Others are going to tell you to get on your hands and knees for some anal doggy action. Spooning comes up pretty often too.
And one that I’ve seen recommended a lot is cowgirl or reverse cowgirl.
I’ve got nothing against cowgirl anal. It looks fun as fuck. And I think reverse cowgirl anal is some one of the hottest positions you can see in porn.
But I wouldn’t recommend it as a beginner anal position.
Usually, the rationale is that it lets you take control of the penetration. You can go as slow and as shallow as you want.
That sounds pretty good, but I haven’t actually found that to be the case.
It could be that my legs are weaker than the average gal’s. Maybe my balance just sucks. But I’ve found it tricky to get the speed and depth just right when I’m on top. I also struggle with getting a good angle for penetration when I’m on top.
Personally, I find that going face down, ass up is the easiest way to take a cock in my ass. It creates a great angle and helps me stay loose and relaxed. And I trust my partner to take the lead, so it’s no big deal for me to just bend over and take it.
I like spooning when I want more control. It’s a great position for giving you and your partner lots of room to maneuver and shift so you can get the angle just right. It also lets me take over and push back on his cock if I’d rather control the speed and depth.
I find missionary anal hot as hell but it’s really difficult to pull off. I fantasize about getting my ass pounded in the prone bone position but it really doesn’t happen often. And doggystyle anal sounds fun but it’s just too tough - I’ll leave that one up to the pornstars and butt sluts.
The best position for anal is going to be a pretty individual thing. Experiment with different ones and go with whatever feels right. Don’t stick to one just because someone said it was the best way to get your ass fucked - it might not be for you.
But if you want more control over the action, you’ll probably have a much easier time with the spooning position than going reverse cowgirl - no matter how hot it looks.
Anal Should Be Always Be Fun
A lot of the bad anal advice isn’t aimed at women who love anal and want to make it more pleasurable.
It’s not aimed at the kind of ladies who are so into it that they’ll add anal toys to their solo sessions.
It’s not even written for women who are really into the idea of anal and want to make sure they have a good time doing it.
Usually, it’s aimed at women who are hesitant. The ones who aren’t sure they’ll enjoy taking anything in the ass, but their boyfriend or husband really wants to try it. So, they want advice for making it as comfortable as it can be.
That’s how you get articles telling you to numb your asshole, just relax, or power through the pain.
And following those tips might help you put up with anal sex, but it won’t really help you enjoy it.
To do that, you need to relax your asshole by bearing down and prepping it with surface stimulation, fingers, and buttplugs.
You’ve got to use good lube and apply as much of it as you need.
You need the cock you’re taking to belong to someone who respects all your boundaries, makes you comfortable, and wants you to enjoy the experience as much as he does.
And most importantly, you’ve got to actually want it - for yourself, not just your partner. It has to be something that turns you on. Something you want to experience. Or at the very least, something you’re curious about.
Otherwise, it’s best to leave it off the table. Anal sex can be awesome and orgasmic, but it’s not a big deal if you don’t want it. You can still get more than enough pleasure from your pussy.
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If you liked this article, you should totally check out the Plug That Butt (Anal Toys, Unicorn Tails, and Intimidating Machine Sex) episode of my dirty and intimate sex podcast, Pillow Talk With Emma Austin!
