3 Ways to Masturbate as a Couple
And have a stronger relationship because of it
Want to hear my super simple secret for a better sex life?
Masturbate more. Masturbate often. Masturbate together.
Seriously. It doesn’t sound like much, but it can actually help you solve a lot of the problems couples tend to deal with.
Mismatched sex drives is the big one. That’s something most couples have to deal with. And for a lot of them, it’s a major source of frustration.
If you’re the one with the higher libido, a bit of self-love on the regular will keep you from getting too pent up. And getting off with your partner will give you some of the sexual intimacy you’re missing.
It helps if you’ve got the slower sex drive too. Rubbing one out more regularly will keep you in touch with your sexy side and keep you from getting sexually frustrated. And masturbating with your partner is a great option for nights when you’re kind of horny but not actually in the mood for sex.
It can also help you have even better sex.
Everyone knows that communication is the secret to fucking better, but it’s way easier said than done. Most people have trouble being straightforward about what they want in bed.
Partnered wanking makes you a lot more open with that kind of stuff. You’re a lot less likely to beat around the bush after you’ve seen each other beat off. It gets you used to being exposed and vulnerable with each other, which is pretty much what good communication involves.
Plus, you can learn a lot just by watching your partner touch themselves. You can see what kind of stimulation they prefer, what position they like to be in, if they touch any other parts of their body when they’re trying to get themselves there.
You’re going to see what move they pull out when they’re really struggling to come - and that can give you lots of hints about how to get them off.
And masturbating together makes you a lot more chill.
It could be all the extra sexual releases. Or the emotional connection you get from doing more dirty stuff together. Maybe it’s just the fact that it takes some of the sexual shame out of your relationship.
It doesn’t matter why it works. What matters is that it takes some of the tension out of your relationship.
Every couple is going to approach their masturbation situation differently. It’s all about finding a way to do it that you can both enjoy.
These are the three ways that work really well for me and my husband.
The Open Wanking Policy
Mr. Austin used to do all his masturbating in the bathroom. Not because he wanted to - it was just the only place he had any privacy.
I wanted him to be able to jerk off more comfortably, so I invited him to do it in bed instead.
That was the start of our open wanking policy.
We’ve been fucking for years. We’ve seen each other do everything. So, masturbating next to each other just doesn’t feel like a big deal.
If he wants to have a comfortable jerk in bed, all he has to do is wait until we’re turning in and stroke off before going to sleep.
Same with me. If I have trouble nodding off, I can tuck my pillow between my legs and give it a hump until I’m satisfied and sleepy.
And it’s never been weird or awkward. It just works.
There’s also a version of this that involves a bit more privacy. Instead of going solo while your partner is trying to go to sleep, you can just be open about the fact that you’re getting yourself off.
No sneaking around. No euphemisms. Just being straightforward and saying things like “I’m just going to have a quick jerk before coming to bed” or “I was really stressed out so I had a long jilling session in the bath.”
Mutual Masturbation
Having an open masturbation policy is really chill. But mutual masturbation is even more fun.
It takes your solo play and turns it into a couple’s activity.
It’s kind of like watching a movie together instead of watching it alone - except the movie you’re watching probably has penetration.
Lying in bed and masturbating together is hot stuff. It’s super intimate. But I think my favorite thing about it is that it’s not supposed to be performative.
You’re not showing off. You’re not trying to be cute or sexy or whatever. You’re just focused on your own pleasure, no matter what it looks like.
You don’t even have to take all your clothes off. Because even if your partner decides to take a look at you, it really is about doing your own thing.
It’s really simple. You use whatever sex toys you feel like using. You masturbate in whatever position feels natural to you. You can load some porn on your laptop if you want to.
You just masturbate side by side, then chill out for a while. It’s a good time, everyone gets to come as often as they want to, and no one feels pent up.
That’s all there is to it.
Masturbating for Each Other
I like the simplicity of mutual masturbation. It’s nice to be able to do something sexual that doesn’t involve a whole lot of mental energy.
But I can’t deny that it’s more arousing when you give each other a show.
When you want to take your mutual masturbation up a notch, that’s the way to do it. Instead of masturbating next to each other, you can masturbate for each other instead.
It’s the same idea. You pleasure yourselves instead of each other.
The difference is that you make it more performative.
You tease each other. You talk dirty.
You show more skin. You watch each other more, because that’s the point.
You might get in the positions you think look hottest - even if they’re not your favorite way to get off.
You use extra sex toys - to give them a real show, not just to give yourself lots of variety.
From start to coming, you don’t hold back.
Because it takes more mental energy, you might not do it as often as your basic mutual masturbation. But it’s a fun thing to do once in a while because it’s super playful and makes you feel more desirable.
Share the Good Times
I can’t actually promise you that masturbating with your partner is going to make your sex life better and your relationship stronger.
I mean, it probably will. I just can’t guarantee it.
But the nice thing about masturbating is that it’s always a win.
Even if you still struggle to talk about sex and you can’t get rid of the tension, you still got more sexual pleasure and orgasms out of it. And that’s not nothing.
So get yourself off as often as you want. And if you’re in the mood for it, make it a couple’s activity. You might be surprised at the difference it makes.
No matter how you do it, masturbating with your partner is always better with really good sex toys - these are some of my personal favorites! That’s an affiliate link, by the way. If you click on it and treat yourself to anything from the site, I earn a small commission and you’ll be leveling up your masturbation! Use the code LOVEEMMA to save 15% on your entire order!
If you liked this article, you should totally check out the Edge Me, Daddy (Pleasurable Frustration, Explosive Orgasms, and Getting Dirty Horny) episode of my dirty and intimate sex podcast, Pillow Talk With Emma Austin!
