The Gentleman’s Guide to Giving Mindblowing Buttstuff
9 steps to being the best her ass ever had
I can’t count the number of times I looked up anal sex tips. I just know I did it every time I hit a horny streak.
Those were kind of rare, but they all more or less played out the same way.
I get a crush on someone, my hormones hit extra hard, or I just get hyperfixated on fucking. While I’m riding that high, I spend every waking hour thinking about getting laid and getting off.
And I basically can’t stop thinking about buttstuff.
There are all sorts of anal fantasies swimming around in my head. I think of all the subtle ways I could initiate some assplay. Mainly, I just want my ass fucked and I want it fucked good.
But that’s the part where I’d always get stuck.
Because even with my lifelong obsession with anal, I had a really tough time getting it right. Sometimes, it would go perfectly smoothly - easy, hot, intense, and mindblowingly pleasurable.
The rest of the time, it was a struggle. I wanted it, but it’s like my body didn’t.
It was frustrating and disappointing. But there’s no way I’d ever give up on something I love this much.
So, I’d dig around for tips.
I read blog posts, dug through Reddit threads, and watched videos on YouTube - before they fully demonetized all the sex ed videos.
And the advice I got was genuinely helpful. Use plenty of lube, take your time, start with something slimmer than a dick, and keep your eyes on the anal orgasm prize. They never talked about bearing down, but other than that it was good stuff.
It was really one-sided, though.
The tips were almost always geared toward getting your ass fucked and what you can do to enjoy it more. I never saw much advice about giving better anal. And when I did, it was way too basic to guarantee anyone a good time.
That’s a real problem. Because even a skilled buttslut can have a bad time if her ass isn’t getting loved the right way.
And gatekeeping that information is cheating all the ass lovers out of good time, too. Being able to give your lady a superior anal experience is a great skill to have. Because you don’t just want to fuck her ass - you want to give her the kind of buttstuff she fantasizes about. You want to leave her satisfied, impressed, and eager to let you hit it again.
So, I’m going to share those tips with you. This is everything you need to do if you want to pound her backdoor like a true gentleman.
Help Her Get in the Mood For It
There’s one fundamental rule for good buttstuff - it’s got to be her idea.
Even if you’re the one who brought it up. Even if you’re taking the lead and teasing her asshole until she needs you inside her. She still has to feel like it’s a choice she’s making entirely for herself.
That’s the only way it’s going to be good for her. And you can only give her an amazing anal experience if she’s giving you full access to her ass because it’s exactly what she desires.
That puts you in a tricky place, though. Because getting her in the mood for anal is kind of a balancing act. You want to show her how horny you are for her ass and how badly you want to pleasure it, but in a way that doesn’t make it seem like it’s just about you and the ways you want to use her body.
There are a few ways to pull that off, but probably the easiest one is by giving her plenty of playful teasing.
Work it into your flirting. Throw in a few ass-based innuendos. Make a couple of suggestive comments. Imply that it’s on your mind without actually spelling out all your dirty thoughts.
Give her plenty of good, slow, passionate foreplay. Because the hornier you make her, the more likely she is to want you to go all the way. And the less you rush to get your dick inside her, the more time she has to decide she wants it in every hole.
If you just ask to fuck her ass midway through fooling around, you might still get to. But if you want to give her the kind of buttstuff that goes right into her spankbank, you’ll have to do a lot more than that. You need to lay enough groundwork so she’s not just saying yes to anal - she’s also hoping you’ll ask.
Play Inside Her Boundaries
I’m kind of iffy about getting my ass eaten.
It can feel really fucking good and it’s a great way to ease into full penetration. But I’ve got to be in a really specific mood to actually enjoy it - and that mood’s pretty rare for me.
Most of the time, it’s fingers, toys, and cock only. Except on my pussy - a good tongue is always welcome on my pussy.
So, that’s a boundary for me. And your lady is going to have her own boundaries when it comes to buttstuff.
She could be okay with your fingers but have no interest in getting dicked down.
She might want a good ass pounding but only after you’ve fully satisfied her pussy.
She might love having her ass eaten but doesn’t want any kind of penetration at all.
Whatever her boundaries are, you’re going to have to learn them and play inside them.
It’s pretty common for guys to try to inch past those boundaries, to cajole her into more, or repeatedly ask if they can go further. But that’s not cool at all, and it takes all the excitement out of it for her. All it does is put her on the defensive, and having her guard up means she can’t just let go and enjoy all the amazing things you can do to her ass.
And it’s totally normal for her to have boundaries that are kind of loose. But loose boundaries are still firm ones. If she was begging for two fingers in her ass when you last fucked but she’s not sure she wants any penetration this time, then it’s off the table for now.
The less she has to enforce her boundaries, the more comfortable she’ll be. And the more comfortable you make her, the more likely she is to go for some anal action - and love it.
Be Totally Tuned Into Her
Plowing her delicate asshole is a very serious responsibility. And she’ll be looking for signs that you can handle it.
Mostly, she’ll do that by gauging how attentive you are.
If you’re kind of clumsy with her body or you’re not great at picking up on her nonverbal cues, she’ll lose confidence in your ability to show her ass a good time.
So, make sure to work on that and to show her that you’re fully tuned into her when you’re fucking.
Check in with her when you’re fooling around. Be mindful of where your knees and elbows are so you don’t accidentally jab them into her. Be careful not to accidentally pull her hair when you’re giving her some intense missionary.
Listen to the way she breathes and how she moans. Pay attention to the subtle ways she’s asking you to do more to her - like pressing herself into you, relaxing her body, or spreading her legs slightly apart when your hand is on her thigh.
And pay even closer attention to all the signs that she needs you to pull back or be more careful - like her body tensing, pulling away a bit, or the quiet groans she lets out when something feels uncomfortable.
It’s sort of like being her sexual mindreader, except you don’t actually need to develop any ESP. You just have to read the signs she’s already giving you.
Show a Lot of Enthusiasm
Anal sex can feel incredible. If you do it right, your lady can experience some really intense pleasure and shockingly powerful orgasms.
But that’s not the only thing that makes it great.
It’s still a bit taboo, and she might get a thrill from feeling like she’s being extra naughty.
It takes a bit of work to get anal penetration right, and feeling like she accomplished something and improved her sex skills can be part of the excitement for her.
And another thing that makes it super hot is just how much you love it.
She doesn’t just want to have you inside her, she also wants to feel like she’s giving you something really special. She wants to know that fucking her ass is driving you wild.
That’s going to majorly turn her on and be a big part of the reason she’s really into it - and will want to do it again in the future.
Some guys tend to really hold back during sex, even when they’re thrusting balls deep into that tight backdoor. But you shouldn’t be all buttoned up about it. Be enthusiastic about playing with her ass and let it show.
Talk dirty to her. Tell her how good it feels to be inside her. Groan, grunt, and make all the dumb animal noises your body wants to make. Lose your cool a little.
Fucking a lady’s ass is one of the best things you’ll get to do in your entire life, so it’s okay to show just how horny it’s making you. Especially since it will help her enjoy it more, too.
Praise Her Ass
Okay, so you should be praising her in general.
It’s a big part of flirting, it strengthens your emotional bond, and it’s going to make her feel seen and appreciated.
It’s the best kind of dirty talk, too.
And given the sheer number of women who have a full blown praise kink, it might just be your ticket to getting laid and bringing out her slutty side.
But to be a real gentleman bumfucker, you’ll have to say plenty of nice things about her ass specifically.
If she’s at all self-conscious about her butt, praising it is going to make her way more comfortable with it. It will make her hesitate less about being bare-assed in front of you, having your hands all over her cheeks, and fooling around in a way that puts the focus directly on her backside.
It’s part of showing your enthusiasm, too. Reminding her that you’re hot for her ass is going to make her even more eager to let you have your way with it.
And telling her how cute her asshole is when you’re up close and personal with it is going to help her feel at ease with you running your tongue against it.
So, go ahead and praise her. Make her feel sexy as hell. Make it clear that you can’t get enough of her ass and she’ll want you to play with it even more.
Learn What Gets Her Off
Every asshole is like a sexy little snowflake. It’s totally unique, it’s sensitive in different ways, and it enjoys different things.
That means there’s no magic formula to good buttstuff. You have to find out how your lady likes it and give it to her in all her favorite ways.
For me, it starts with surface play and some gentle fingering. Ideally, there will be a buttplug involved. And then I like a slow fuck that gradually goes deeper and deeper.
In a perfect world, I would take it hard and fast every single time. But sadly, my ass usually can’t handle an honest to goodness pounding. So, I settle for long, steady thrusts.
Your partner might want something completely different, though.
She might only want surface play - a lubed up thumb rubbing her asshole or your face buried in her ass, but without any penetration at all.
Maybe she doesn’t want her asshole touched at all. She’d rather have you go down on her and pound her pussy until she begs you to slide your dick in her other hole.
She could be obsessed with double penetration and her goal is to have your cock in her ass and a dildo stuffed in her pussy.
Or she just loves to give you head while she’s wearing a vibrating buttplug.
Whatever it is, learn it. Get really familiar with her anal preferences, work on all the skills you need to make it happen, and give her the kind of assplay that really gets her off.
Get the Toys Involved
You can give her good anal action with just your fingers and your cock. But you can take it to the next level with a couple of good butt toys.
If you’re really serious about pleasuring her ass, you should make sure you’ve got everything you need to give her some amazing sensations.
Obviously, you’ll want some really good anal lube. Just about any lube can get the job done, but she’s really going to feel the difference if you use one that’s thick and really slippery.
Having a nice, modestly sized buttplug is great for easing into full penetration. It will help her get used to a bit more girth so she can be ready for the full thickness of your cock.
And even if she has no problem taking your shaft, a buttplug gives you more ways to play around.
She can slip it in before joining you, as a nice little surprise. You can slide it into her so she has more intense orgasms when you go down on her. She can enjoy the feeling of having something in her ass while you’re fucking her pussy.
And if you get a vibrating toy, it can open her up to the mind meltingly incredible world of anal vibrations.
Get her input, too. Find out what she’d be interested in using.
She might want an anal training kit to help her get used to more penetration. Or an anal dildo so she can replicate the full anal sex experience. Maybe she’s even got a fantasy that involves her having a tail, who knows.
Having toys she likes is going to make anal easier to achieve and more comfortable when you do pull it off. It’s going to add variety and give her all sorts of extra sensations she can’t get from a good old fashioned dickdown. It’s also going to help her play with her ass on her own time if she feels like it.
All that is going to make her love assplay even more, and that’s definitely a good thing.
Keep Her Clit Happy
Anal sex can be all about her ass, but it really shouldn’t be. Because buttstuff and clit stuff happen to pair extremely well with each other.
For one thing, stimulating her clit is going to make anal a whole lot easier. It will keep her aroused and relax her body while you’re easing your cock into her.
It’s going to intensify her pleasure, too. She’s felt your fingers on her clit before, but the sensation will be so much more powerful when she’s got something in her ass.
And if she has a hard time coming from anal only, pleasuring her clit while you’re giving her buttstuff is going to help her reach some really incredible orgasms.
But it’s also just plain fucking hot.
Pleasuring her ass and her clit at the same time is a total stud move. It shows her that you care about her pleasure and that you’re willing to multitask to make sure she really gets off. And that’s sexy as hell.
So, don’t get so caught up her butt that you neglect her clit. Give it plenty of love, too.
Eat her out while you’re fingering her ass.
Rub her clit while you’re balls deep in her backside.
And if you want some serious bonus points, hold a wand vibrator against her clit while you’re doing stuff to her butt. That’s a combination you just can’t beat.
Be Chill About It
No matter how much she loves it, she probably won’t let you tap her ass every single time you fuck her.
If she does want a bunch of buttstuff every single time you get it on, hold onto her for dear life. She’s a rare anal butterfly and you don’t want to fumble a girl that special.
But that’s super unlikely. Chances are, she’ll only want it once in a while.
Which is fine and dandy, of course. But I know a lot of guys hold onto the buttslut fantasy. The idea that if you get really good at fucking her ass and give her the most mindblowing anal orgasms, she’s going to crave anal on the daily.
And I get it. If I had a lady in my life, I’d probably want to have my way with her ass every single time I strapped up.
But even if you give her anal orgasms so strong she’s at risk of becoming addicted to your cock, buttstuff is probably only going to be an occasional thing.
Could be something she wants every two or three times you bang her. Could be a once or twice a year affair. It might be totally random - whenever the mood happens to hit her.
And your job as an asspounding gentleman is to be chill about that.
Be patient. Wait for her to get in the mood for it again instead of pushing too hard for more access to her ass.
Making her feel rushed into another round of anal is going to turn it into a sexpectation. And that’s going to make her feel like she’s only doing it for you - not because she wants you to love up on her ass the way you do on her pussy.
So, keep the pressure off her. Don’t make a big deal out of it. Get her all turned on and worked up but without ever expecting her to go all the way.
Being chill about it is going to keep anal fun and help her get in the mood for it again. And when she does want some backdoor action, she’ll hit you up for it without hesitating.
Give Her Ass All the Love It Deserves
Most guys are into anal, but it’s a fully optional sex act.
Some women aren’t into it. Some couples never do it. And that’s totally fine - you can have a hot and spicy time without any assplay whatsoever.
And because it’s optional, only the guys who are good at giving it will be able to get some - and keep getting more.
But lots of guys never actually learn the skills they need to become proper anal loving gentlemen.
Part of the problem is the way we talk about anal. You can find lots of tips on having good anal sex, but it’s mostly focused on making sure the penetration isn’t uncomfortable.
Which is essential, obviously. You need to take your time, go slowly, use plenty of lube, check in with her - all the basic stuff.
Not enough guys go beyond that, though. They focus too much on making anal comfortable and don’t do enough to make it pleasurable. And way too few guys do things that will get their lady wanting and desiring it.
That’s why you should do more than the average guy. If you’re into buttstuff, be the kind of guy who makes her love it even more than you do.
This post contains affiliate links to some of my favorite anal toys. If you click on one and treat yourself to anything from the site, I earn a small commission and you’ll have everything you need to treat her to some top-notch anal pleasure! And be sure to use the code LOVEEMMA at checkout to save 15% on your entire order!
If you liked this article, you should totally check out the Stock Up the Fuckbunker (Prepper Sex and Post-Apocalyptic Titties) episode of my dirty and intimate sex podcast, Pillow Talk With Emma Austin!
