12 Steps to Awesome Anal Sex
Have an amazing experience (almost) every single time
I’ve had some bad anal sex. The kind that’s more uncomfortable than pleasurable.
I’ve also had anal sex that felt tender and loving. Anal so sweet and pleasurable that it’s one of the most intimate ways I’ve ever been fucked.
There are the times I’ve had horny, enthusiastic anal. The kind that made me feel like a good girl and a dirty girl all at once.
On a few occasions, I managed to get my ass pounded really hard. The kind of fast, intense, multiorgasmic anal I used to think I could only fantasize about but never experience.
And sometimes it just doesn’t work at all. I want my husband’s cock in my ass, but I can’t manage to take it comfortably. So, I take an ass-banging rain check and get off some other way.
I’ve had all kinds of anal is what I’m saying. But until recently, it was sort of unpredictable.
When it was good, it was incredible. I’d get so turned on by it that I had to force myself not to come too quickly. And when I did hit my climax, it was the kind of powerful blended orgasm that made me wonder why I didn’t get my ass fucked way more often.
Well, except I knew exactly why. It’s because I could never guarantee it was going to be that good - or even enjoyable.
I couldn’t figure it out, because I thought I was doing everything I could to take it in the ass and love it. I had a bottle of lube, a patient guy, and no problem calming my nerves.
But it was still unreliable. And it’s because that’s not enough. Anal can be a lot easier and amazingly pleasurable, but it takes more than just lube and patience to make it that way.
I’m pretty sure I’ve got it down now, though. I’ve finally figured out all the steps that go into getting some awesome anal action.
Do It For Yourself
I’ve always found the idea of anal sex extremely arousing. I knew I’d try it eventually, when the moment was right.
But the first few times I did it, that didn’t matter. All my curiosity about it, the warm feelings I’d get when I tried to imagine it, the excitement I felt whenever I heard about it - there was none of that.
Instead, there was my boyfriend pestering me for it.
So when I gave in, it was entirely for him.
I wanted to please him. I wanted him to be sweet and lovey dovey with me. I wanted him to keep liking me.
And it sucked. Because even though I wanted to try anal, that wasn’t the reason I was doing it.
Even when I wasn’t being pestered into it, there were times when I was still doing it for someone else. I wanted to be a better girlfriend. I felt bad about not doing enough dirty stuff in bed. I felt guilty for not fucking my boyfriend often enough and I wanted to really make it count.
Basically, I was putting the pressure on myself.
And that made it suck too. Not as bad, of course. But at best, it was good anal - not great.
It’s only ever been great when I did it for myself.
Like when I do it because I’m really horny for it. Because I watched some really good anal porn and it made me jealous. Or because I just got fucked so perfectly that the only thing that could make it better is getting the same kind of good dick in another hole.
That’s one of the most important steps, really. If you want anal sex to be amazing, you have to really want it - and want it for yourself. Being nervous is fine, but you’ve got to be in the mood for it. You have to desire it. At the very least, you have to be super curious to know what it feels like.
If you’re doing it because your partner wants it, it’s not the right time to try. Put off your anal experiment until you’re horned up for it.
Do It By Yourself
A lot of people end up having anal sex before they even played with their own assholes. And that’s too bad because it can make a really big difference.
Partly, that’s because the stakes are really low when you’re enjoying some anal action by yourself. There’s no one waiting for your ass to cooperate. You don’t have to feel self-conscious about anything. You can take your time and just let your body do its thing.
Playing with your own ass is also a really good way to get to know your body. You’ll learn what feels good to you and what doesn’t. You’ll figure out what adjustments can make it more comfortable or more pleasurable.
You’re training your ass, too. Anal can be tricky to get right, even when you’re super turned on. Playing with a buttplug or a good dildo is a great way to practice taking a bit of girth.
Start Small
It’s also a really good idea to get your partner to play with your asshole, too.
It seems pretty common for women to go right from being anal virgins to trying to take an entire dick in the ass.
Even if you happen to be fucking a guy with a really slim cock, that’s not the easiest thing to do.
The best way is to start with surface-level stimulation. A lubed up finger gently stroking against your asshole. Getting your ass eaten. Even some good old fashioned hotdogging, where he thrusts his lube-slicked cock between your cheek.
When you move on to penetration, it’s still a good idea to hold off on the dick at first. Taking a finger is a lot easier. Same with a reasonably sized buttplug.
Once you get used to having those inside you, a stiff dick can slip in a lot more comfortably.
And this isn’t just for beginners. Even if you’ve been fucked in the ass plenty of times, working up to the cock with other kinds of anal play is always going to make it easier.
Don’t Use Cheap Lube
First off, make sure you’re using actual lube.
Some people seem like they’ll do anything to avoid buying lube. I’ve even heard of people using conditioner instead, and that’s a product that has zero business going in your ass.
A lot of people try to get away with spit, too. That’s a better choice, and some people can have great anal with nothing but saliva. But I wouldn’t count on it - it’s not nearly as slick as it should be.
And some lubes are so cheap they’re not much better. They’re not super slippery. They get tacky soon after you apply them. You have to keep adding more and more just to keep the lube all lubey.
Your ass deserves better than that.
If you want anal sex to feel great, use a lube that works really well. Preferably, one that’s made specifically for buttstuff like Sliquid Sassy or the Anal Play Gel by Bijoux Indiscrets. Those are both perfect options and they’re safe for your pussy, so you can use them for pretty much anything.
Don’t Numb Yourself
There are two types of numbing products that you’ll find in pretty much any sex shop, and I don’t think you should buy either of them.
One is throat numbing spray. It’s supposed to help you deepthroat like a submissive good girl without having to train your gag reflex.
The other is anal numbing gel. That one’s meant to relax your asshole and keep it from clenching so it’s easier for you to take it.
And I have the same problems with both of them.
Numbing yourself means you don’t get to feel everything - and feeling everything is part of the fun. The whole point of having anal sex is to enjoy all the pleasure that comes with it, but I’m not sure you’d be able to if you numbed yourself to it.
It’s also the kind of product you use when you’re doing it for someone else. It’s for when you and your body just aren’t ready for that kind of action, but you’re trying to force yourself to be. And like I said, there’s no sense in doing anal at all if you’re not doing it for yourself.
But more importantly, if you’re doing something that hurts or is uncomfortable you’ll want to feel those things. Those are signs that something is going wrong. It’s how you can avoid doing things that leave you way too sore or do damage to your body.
Those are feelings you need to pay attention and react to. They’re not ones you should be numbing.
Play With Toys
You don’t need toys to enjoy some anal action, but toys make it way better.
Using a buttplug that isn’t too intimidating or a dildo that’s soft and slim will help you get used to the feeling of something in your ass. It’s also a great way to work up to something bigger.
It also gives you more ways to stimulate your ass and adds a lot of variety to your anal foreplay.
Playing with toys just plain makes it more exciting too. Even if you’re going to go all the way, having the guy you’re banging slowly push a buttplug in your ass is an incredibly hot experience.
Rub Your Clit While Taking It
Anal and clit stimulation go hand in hand for me.
Getting my ass fucked is intense, but my pleasure goes off the charts when my pussy’s getting some action at the same time. It makes it so much better that it’s hard to even put into words.
Same with the orgasms. I’ve managed to come from nothing but anal. But the blended orgasms I get from anal combined with clit stimulation are the ones I live for.
Clit stimulation is even more important than that, though. A lot of times, it’s the only reason I can have anal sex at all.
If you’re having trouble opening up, relaxing, and taking a cock in your ass, a little clit stimulation can make all the difference. Rubbing your pussy makes it so much easier. Sometimes it’s practically automatic, like a few strokes and it slips right in.
You can get your partner to play with your pussy too. I find that’s even better.
And once you get it in and you’re really taking it, don’t stop. Keep pleasuring your clit. Because there’s no sense in coming when you could be coming hard.
Have an Orgasm First
Speaking of coming, you should do that before starting too.
Having an orgasm will make your body more relaxed. It will make you feel satisfied and turned on at the same time, which is a really great mental state to be in for this.
Having multiple orgasms can be even better. As long as you don’t have so many that you’re starting to feel exhausted or like you’ve had your fill.
If you’re a one-and-done type of gal, it won’t work. If any orgasm leaves you feeling like you’re spent and tapped out, you’re going to have to edge yourself instead - or have your partner do it to you.
Edging is going to make you feel hornier and hornier. It’s going to make you a little desperate to get off. It’s going to help you really tap into your naughty side.
That’s going to get you really aroused, calm your nerves, and help you get out of your head. And that’s going to make anal so much easier to pull off.
Bear Down
Bearing down is like an anal sex secret weapon.
My anal success rate used to be about fifty-fifty. Half the time I wanted to do it, I couldn’t get my ass to cooperate.
After I learned about bearing down, it worked almost every single time.
You basically have to flex your pelvic muscles like you’re pushing them down. It feels kind of counterintuitive when you’re trying to ease something in your body. But it relaxes your asshole and helps you loosen up, which is exactly what you’re trying to achieve.
It might take a lot of concentration at first. It might take a little bit of practice to get it right. But after a while, it’ll start to feel natural and you’ll do it almost automatically.
Arch Your Back
Arching your back isn’t just to make your butt pop - it’s also how you get your body in the right position for good anal.
It gets everything at the right angles, puts your hips where they should be, and helps to open you up.
It’s another thing that can take a little effort and concentration to get right. But there are some positions that make arching come naturally.
Face down, ass up is one of them. It’s my favorite way to get anal sex going because it puts every part of your body right where it should be.
Spooning’s kind of nice for that, too. It’s not as automatic, but arching your back while you’re lying on your side makes it more comfortable.
It’s also why missionary anal is kind of an advanced position. It’s not impossible to arch your back while you’re lying on it, but it takes a little more effort.
Go Slowly
You should always take your time with anal.
It’s not the easiest thing to do, and it can be really uncomfortable if you do it wrong. So, never rush it.
And take your time with every single part of it.
Go slowly when you’re trying to get the penetration going. If it takes you a couple of minutes just to get the head in, then it takes you a couple of minutes to get the head in.
Go slowly when you’re building up to it, too. Fool around first. Enjoy lots of foreplay. Make sure your ass gets plenty of it too.
You don’t have to do everything, either. If you just want a little assplay with no penetration, that’s perfectly fine. If you just want to get fingered but you don’t want to bother with anything too girthy, that’s great. If you want to wear a buttplug and grind a vibrator while you suck him off, that’s a beautiful way to spend an evening.
Don’t ever rush yourself. You won’t enjoy it nearly as much if you do.
And don’t let your partner rush you, either. Having anal sex with someone who’s impatient about it is pretty much guaranteed to be a bad time. It’s just not worth it.
Stop if It Gets Uncomfortable
Some people will tell you that pain or discomfort is just part of anal sex. That it feels bad at first, but you have to power through it to get to the good part.
I’ve been told that, too. I even believed it for a while. But it’s just not true.
I’ve had lots of anal sex that doesn’t hurt at all, even for a bit. I’ve had it with zero discomfort, even at the start.
In fact, it’s the only kind of anal sex I have now. I don’t power through the bad part because there shouldn’t be a bad part.
If there is, it means there’s something missing. You’re not turned on enough. You’re not in the right position. You need more lube, more time, or more foreplay.
The one thing you don’t need is to put up with the discomfort.
If it feels bad, stop. Try it a different way. Shift your hips a bit. Bear down if you weren’t already doing that. Or just try it another time.
Anal is like any other kind of sex. It’s all about pleasure and you should only keep going if it feels good.
Make Your Ass Feel Amazing
I have no idea why it’s so hard to get great advice about anal sex.
Tons of people love it. Plenty of people want to do it. Just about everyone’s curious about it.
But it’s like no one wants to share all the dirty little secrets - the things that make it so damn great.
So when people struggle with it, they’re almost always told the same thing - use lots of lube and take it slowly.
Which is great advice - it’s just not nearly enough.
And that’s why I tried to cover it all here. If you really want to get your ass fucked, that’s awesome. I want that for you too - and I want you to have as much pleasure as you possibly can from it.
Maybe these steps won’t work for everyone, but they’re all the little tricks that help me have really intense and satisfying anal whenever I’m in the mood for it. If lube and slow breathing weren’t enough to get you there, try these and give your ass the amazing experience it deserves.
This post contains affiliate links to toys and lubes. If you click on one and treat yourself to anything from the site, I earn a small commission and you’ll be ready to give your butt some incredible pleasure! And be sure to use the code LOVEEMMA at checkout to save 15% on your entire order!
If you liked this article, you should totally check out the How to Fuck Like an Alpha Male (Mindsex, Ownership, and Cock Confidence) episode of my dirty and intimate sex podcast, PIllow Talk With Emma Austin!
