6 Super Simple Ways to Initiate Sex
There’s more than one way to escalate
I used to go out looking to get laid, even though I didn’t really know how to do it.
I wasn’t exactly trolling for dick. But I had urges and needs that were too strong to ignore.
I wanted a bit of attention. I wanted some affection. And I really, really wanted to get fucked.
But I didn’t fully know how to get from A to Bone. So, I’d just go to places where I knew there’d be guys and kind of feel things out.
And I hoped I wouldn’t have to do anything once I got there. My perfect scenario would’ve been to get to know someone, find them charming, get turned on just listening to them, and then they’d put the moves on me when I was ready to do a whole lot more than talk.
Well, no. I guess what I actually hoped for was that I’d find the courage to be really bold about what I wanted. To walk up to the hottest guy in the room, talk to him for a bit to make sure he wasn’t a total dud, and then drag him to a private spot so I could have my way with him.
I knew that would never happen, though. I just wasn’t that girl. I was the damsel in heat with a few condoms in her purse and a tendency to blush way too easily.
Luckily for me, that was enough. Turns out you can catch a dick pretty easily if you try your best to act cute, play coy, and nurse a few cheap beers until some of your inhibitions melt away.
Those casual sex years didn’t last too long, though. Before I knew it, I was all grown up and settled into a cozy little marriage.
It was all nice and lovely, except that I still hadn’t learned how to initiate sex properly. Neither had my husband, really.
I was way too subtle about it. Shy to my core, even with the guy who’s done every nasty thing imaginable to me.
And he wasn’t nearly subtle enough. Just a big ol’ raging human hard-on, always eager to get into my pants but not using the kind of smooth moves that make me want to take them off.
If we were ever going to fuck again, we had to figure out a way to meet in the middle.
When I was in the mood, I’d have to try to act like I was in the mood. Actually move things along instead of hoping for him to whisper the right words in my ear or touch my thighs the right way.
And he had to learn to be more seductive. Or well, to be seductive at all.
Because we basically had our own versions of just waiting for sex to happen. And if we’re both just waiting for it, we’ll never see each other naked again.
So, we figured it out. We had to. It took time and practice and we’re not exactly amazing at it, but we’ve got some moves and that’s a start.
Different ones will work on different days, depending on my mood. But they’re all handy and hot in their own way.
These are the six methods I use for initiating sex so even a painfully shy girl like me doesn’t have to miss out on any of the filthy fun I want to have.
The Slow Burn
This one takes the most work, but it’s hands down my favorite way to get things going.
It’s your classic horny courtship - an all day affair where you keep flirting and complimenting each other.
When it’s really good, there’s also going to be some teasing. Lots of suggestive comments, too.
Sending a lewd photo or two doesn’t hurt, either.
And I love the slow burn method for so many reasons.
For one thing, I’m really into tension and anticipation. Those are big turn-ons for me, and there’s plenty of them when you do it this way.
I also like how deeply connected it makes me feel. It’s a whole day of being attentive to each other, thinking about his sexiest qualities, and daydreaming about all the things he might do when he finally gets me all to himself.
But one of the things I appreciate the most about it now is that it can take me from having a teensy little bit of libido to having a maxed out sex-o-meter. So instead of just getting it on, I get to be as naughty and slutty as I want to be. I give more eager blowjobs, I get in all sorts of positions, and there’s a pretty decent chance of buttstuff.
The slow burn doesn’t happen nearly enough for me - it’s tough to pull off when we get really busy. But it’s absolutely worth it for the fun and filthy sex it leads to.
Getting Handsy
I wouldn’t count physical touch as one of my love languages. But damn does it ever work sometimes.
In a lot of ways, it’s a really logical way to get things going. You want some hardcore physical intimacy, so it makes sense to ease into it with a bunch of softcore physical intimacy.
Just like flirting, it’s best when it’s slow and patient.
Like when you get to cuddle for a long time and just enjoy each other. Then you’ve got hands stroking skin. After a while, those hands start making their way closer and closer to your waistband - and at that point you’re just a big curvy clump of sexy putty, ready to be manhandled.
Full body massages can be even better.
It’s a perfect excuse to get touched all over. The slipperiness of the massage oil is such an incredible sensation. You’re might be fully naked or keeping your undies on - either way, you’re already at second base.
And because it’s so soothing and relaxing, you still have a really good time even if it doesn’t lead to anything.
You can also do it the old fashioned way - making out until it turns into grinding, groping, and dry humping.
That one I haven’t done in a long time. I think I’d feel silly having a makeout session with my husband of 14 years. But if I met someone new and they set my hormones firing, I’d be locking lips with them all the way to pound town.
Straight Up Asking
I know this is going to sound silly, but I’m really proud of myself whenever I just plain ask for sex.
Because I’ve always had a lot of trouble with that. I can talk filthy all day and night, but I have a tough time actually saying I want something.
I’m sure it’s a combination of bashfulness, my deep fear of rejection, and that little part of me that wants to be wooed and pursued - not the other way around.
But once in a while, I get a really clear and specific idea of what I want and I decide to just go for it.
I’ll tell my husband to get the kids to bed early because I’ve got plans for him - plans that involve the sex blanket.
When I’m feeling cute and getting a bit worked up, I might text him to come up and fuck me.
Or I’ll give him a heads up that I’m about to use some arousal oil and he should wait about fifteen minutes and then come have his way with me.
The other day, he was staying up late and I was tossing and turning in bed. So, I sent him a booty call asking if he’d be down to eat my pussy because I figured it would help me sleep. I still had a bit of trouble dozing off, but it didn’t matter - the orgasms were amazing.
I’m the one with the lower sex drive, so this works remarkably well. I know he’s up for basically anything, so all I have to do is ask and then wham bam he’s got two fingers inside me and his tongue on my clit.
It doesn’t work so well the other way around, though. If he just straight up tells me he’s in the mood to bone, it doesn’t really do anything for me. It doesn’t even give me any new information - I’m already aware that he’d gladly pussyjob me at a moment’s notice.
So yeah, read the room first.
If you’re the one who’s always low-key desperate for sex, maybe try a more subtle approach. But if your partner’s the desperate one, just straight up asking is going to make their day - and get you the exact kind of action you’re craving.
Getting a Connection Going
Sometimes it’s the most wholesome stuff that will have me wanting some properly nasty sex.
Emotional connection is a big deal for me. I need it to feel safe, relaxed, and comfortable. And I need all those things if I’m going to get turned on.
So when I think I might want some hanky panky, I’ll set up some good old fashioned quality time with my main squeeze.
A cozy little date night in bed. Cuddling while watching a steamy thriller or an over the top sex comedy. Maybe a few rounds of Skip Bo.
Anything, as long as it’s a simple activity that lets us enjoy being with each other.
Then somehow it just sort of happens. We’re putting the Skip Bo cards back in the box and all I’m thinking is that I want to stroke his cock while he teases my pussy.
And because we’re already hanging out in bed, it doesn’t take a whole lot of steps to get exactly what I’m in the mood for.
The Gateway
There are a lot of times when I’m not exactly ready to say yes to sex - but I’m totally down for sex lite.
So instead of suggesting that we get it on, I propose we do something that’s adjacent to that.
Most of the time, it’s snuggling up to watch hardcore porn. But not just any porn. It’s got to be something with a decent storyline so we can really settle in and ease into the sexy stuff - not one where a lady shows off her impressive deepthroating skills sixty seconds into the video.
But it can also be taking a shower together. Because that always starts off kind of PG-13, but there’s only so much soapy wet contact I can take before I’m bending over, taking it deep, and trying not to slip.
Sex games work pretty well, too. We haven’t played those super often, but they’re a fun way to get in the mood for more. Sometimes they’re genuinely enjoyable. Other times they’re kind of absurd so you end up pushing it off the bed and going down on each other instead of finishing the game.
Either way, they’ll give you plenty of suggestions, get you talking dirty to each other, and maybe even open up about a fantasy or two.
If you’re not fucking after that, you didn’t really have a chance to begin with.
Sneaky Shy Girl Moves
Shy girl moves are how I learned to initiate sex to begin with. I’ve always been bashful and easily embarrassed, so I either had to pick up a few shy tricks or go to bed unfucked and unsatisfied.
So, I found some that worked.
I’d whine playfully about being cold so he’d put his arms around me. Then I’d keep subtly shifting my hips until I felt him getting hard.
I might even skip the cold part entirely and just do the butt scoot. That’s the one where I cuddle into him and slowly rub my ass against his crotch, like a needy little spoon. If I played it right, I could basically get dry humped from behind which is a fantastic experience.
Or when he’d ask me what I wanted to do in the evening, I’d get really coy about it. I’d hit him with the ol’ “I don’t know, what do you want to do?”
This one’s all in the tone of voice. Usually when I ask him that question, I’m genuinely indecisive. But when I’m trying to get him to pop his dick out of his boxer briefs, I try to use my sweetest, most playful voice. Like I’m hiding something from him and teasing him about it.
If he picks up on it, he’ll play along and tease me right back. Then there’s going to be some banter. He’ll touch me and kiss me in the spots that make me melt. And in less than 30 minutes I’ll be lying flat on the bed, getting prone boned until I can’t take it anymore.
Technically, I don’t need to rely on those shy girl moves anymore. I’m a big girl now and I’ve got five whole other methods for getting laid.
I’m never going to give them up, though. Not just because they’re useful when I’ve got a sudden attack of the blushies, but because there’s something really sexy about them.
I’ve probably got some kind of shy girl kink or something, because just the thought of a timid cutie quietly trying to get laid practically makes me wet. And sometimes I want to roleplay that.
So even if I’m feeling bold and horny, I might still do the butt scoot. Because getting sneakily touched up under the blanket is always going to be hot as fuck.
Don’t Miss Your Shot
Initiating sex should be simple and easy, but it’s just not. And lots of people find the idea really intimidating.
Some people also initiate plenty but their partner doesn’t register it. That’s why so many people complain that their partner never initiates while their partner insists that they do it all the time.
And plenty of people aren’t comfortable straight up asking to get fucked, but they’re not sure what they could do instead.
That’s why I decided to share all the ways I do it. Because it helps to have a lot of different moves in your back pocket - and to be able to recognize when someone’s using them on you.
If you’ve got these six methods down, you probably won’t get some action every single time you want it. But you’ll never miss another opportunity to get laid, and that’s almost as good.
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If you liked this article, you should totally check out the Will Separate Bedrooms Ruin Our Sex Life? episode of my dirty and intimate podcast, Pillow Talk With Emma Austin!
