How to Get Laid When Her Love Language Is Gifts
Most guys get this one wrong
I’m always tempted to say that my love language is words of affirmation.
It’s not like that would be a lie or anything. Sweet compliments really do make me feel loved extra hard.
I mean, I even have a full blown praise kink. So yeah, hearing the right words at the right times has a really big effect on me.
But that still feels like a cop-out. Because I actually have two big love languages.
Words of affirmation really do it for me - and so do gifts.
It took me a bit longer to get comfortable talking about that one, though. It felt like the kind of thing I was supposed to be embarrassed about.
And I’m not the only giftee who feels like they’ve got a dirty little secret.
It’s why you almost never hear anyone saying it’s their love language. Not because it’s rare, but because there’s a bit of stigma around it. And people really don’t mind talking trash about it.
Everyone understands words of affirmation. It’s hard to feel loved and appreciated if your partner never gives you sweet compliments and pumps you up.
Same with physical touch. Backrubs and cuddles is basically what most people think of when they picture intimacy.
But when you say nothing makes you feel special like getting gifts, a lot of people get the wrong idea.
They think it means you like stuff more than your partner. That you’re so high maintenance you’ll be grumpy unless they spend half their paycheck on you. Or maybe you’re just an aspiring gold digger looking for someone with deep pockets.
So when love languages come up, you feel like you’re supposed to pick a different one. Something cute like quality time - or physical touch, if you’re a guy on a dating app.
There’s nothing wrong with the gift giving love language, though. There are just a whole lot of misconceptions about it.
For one thing, it has nothing to do with being materialistic. It’s barely about the gifts themselves - it’s about what those gifts mean.
A gift is proof that someone was thinking about you. It shows that they care enough to go out of their way to get you something. And if it’s a good gift, it makes you feel seen - like they really know you.
And because so many people don’t understand what this love language is all about, they don’t know how to give gifts in a way that makes their partner feel all warm and fuzzy.
If gifts happen to be your partner’s love language, that’s a big deal. Getting it right will help you meet her emotional needs. It will make your relationship stronger.
It’ll get you laid a whole lot more, too.
Because making her feel loved, appreciated, and secure is going to do wonders for your chemistry. It’s also going to make her way more attracted to you. And that’s definitely going to improve your chances of getting some.
So if you want to get her gifts that will get you in her pants, this is the way to do it.
Don’t Wait for a Special Occasion
You’ve probably got all the big gift giving days checked off already.
You buy her something nice for her birthday. You wrap a present for her to open on Christmas morning. She can always expect something on Valentine’s Day, too.
If you’ve got those down, that’s great. She’ll definitely appreciate it.
But if you want to get her really excited, you should give her a gift when she’s not expecting one at all.
Not on a holiday. Not on a special occasion. Just out of nowhere, on some random-ass day.
Because then it won’t feel like you got her a present because it’s your anniversary and you’re kind of supposed to. It’ll feel like you got her something just because she was on your mind. And that’s going to make her feel extra special.
Make Gifts a Thing
There’s another reason you should give gifts outside of special occasions. It’s the only way to give her enough of them.
If you want more sex, anyway. Because getting laid isn’t something that happens out of the blue. It’s more like a chain of events.
Before she wants to fuck you, she has to feel sexy.
To get there, you have to make her feel wanted.
But she can’t feel wanted unless she knows you still appreciate her.
And giving her sweet gifts is how you show her that you haven’t started taking her for granted.
Because it’s her love language, those gifts are a big part of how you keep her fire burning. But that fire’s going to go cold if you only do it every couple of months.
So if you want a better sex life, you’re going to have to make gift giving a thing you do. When you think of a perfect gift for her, get it. If you pass by the flower shop, get her a bouquet with some of her favorite flowers. Stop and pick up a snack she likes on your way home.
You don’t have to go overboard and get her something every single day. Just regularly enough that she has plenty of reminders that she still means a lot to you.
Always Get Something Thoughtful
Giving her just any old gift won’t get you any action. She’s not going to spread her legs just because you buy her something expensive, either.
For that, you have to get her something meaningful.
It has to be something that shows you paid attention to things she mentioned, learned her preferences, and picked up on what she might be interested in.
Something generic you found on the “Gifts for Women” page on Amazon isn’t going to do that. Neither is buying her jewelry because you figure women like jewelry.
But if you get her one of those soft pretzels she loves but hasn’t had in forever, you’re nailing it. Same with a pair of cute socks that perfectly fit her style. Or an adult coloring book because you noticed she’s been stressed and you know doing coloring really chills her out.
And if you’re never sure what to get her, keep a list. If you see something she might like, think of a sweet gift you could get for her, or she mentions something, write it down. That way, you’ll have a bunch of thoughtful gift ideas whenever you need them.
Don’t Treat It Like a Trade
I know some guys picture it almost like a transaction. Get her the right kind of gift and you’ll get sex in return.
Like, they get that she won’t immediately tie up her hair, drop to her knees, and start slobbering all over that dick. But they still low-key expect a bit of knob slobbing within 24 hours or so.
It doesn’t actually work like that. And you shouldn’t assume it will, because sexpectations always kill the vibe.
And yeah, you’ll probably get laid more. When you make her feel loved and do all sorts of sweet gestures for her, your chances of getting it on will go up.
But you’re giving gifts, not making a trade. And if she feels like you’re just giving her stuff because you want sex, those gifts are going to lose their magic.
That’s what happens when guys get kind of pushy about fucking after giving their partner something. Or when the gifts dry up after she doesn’t put out.
But as long as you’re giving her gifts because you care about her and want to make her feel good, you’re good. It won’t always get you sloppy blowjobs, porny sex, and enthusiastic dirty talk - but it’ll definitely make you more fuckable.
Be Careful With the Sexy Gifts
I’m a big fan of giving sexy gifts, especially if your sex life is popping off.
Getting a new sex toy you can use together is always fun. Surprising her with some massage oil and offering her a full-body rubdown is a great move. Buying her a wedge because her back still hurts from the last time she begged you to pound her harder - that’s just plain considerate.
It’s super playful. It can show her that you take her pleasure very seriously - especially if you’re giving her a sex toy she’ll mostly be using on her own. It can bring out her dirty side, too.
Or it can totally backfire on you.
Because giving her a naughty gift when she’s not feeling all that sexy isn’t going to put her in the mood. It will probably just feel like another dose of sexpectations.
The peach flavored lube you got because you know she loves peach flavored candy was supposed to be a sweet move. But it can come across like you’re just asking for head.
Same with kinky stuff like a set of cuffs, a remote control vibrator, or a good old fashioned Magic Wand. You got them because you wanted to spice things up and show her a really good time - instead, it made her feel bad because she hasn’t been in the mood.
So yeah, sexy gifts can be a teensy bit risky. But if you want to play it safe, all you have to do is shop for them with her. She’ll still be really excited for that new couples vibrator, even if she helped pick it out. And you’ll have plenty of opportunities to surprise her with gifts that won’t make her feel like you’re coming on a bit strong.
Make Her Feel Special
If you wish you were fucking more, it’s easy to think of it as a sex problem. And that can make you look for some kind of sex solution.
So you start putting the moves on her more often.
You try to get her to watch porn with you to see if it can jumpstart her sex drive.
You recommend scheduling sex in the hopes that it’ll guarantee you some action.
But that’s skipping a bunch of steps. Because most of the time, the best way to get laid isn’t to try to get your partner in the mood. It’s more basic than that.
It’s taking time to connect with her emotionally.
It’s doing things to make yourself more attractive and fuckable.
It’s being attentive and making her feel safe and loved.
And if her love language is gifts, that’s going to involve getting her something sweet and thoughtful now and then. That might take a bit of effort, but it’s going to work a whole lot better than putting sex on the calendar and hoping for the best.
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If you liked this article, you should totally check out the Treat That Clit Right (Clit Balms, Liquid Vibrators, and the Right Way to Rub It) episode of my dirty and intimate sex podcast, Pillow Talk With Emma Austin!
