12 Very Naughty Christmas Nights (Lovehoney Dream Wand Sex Toy Advent Calendar Review)

My review of the Lovehoney Dream Wand Sex Toy Advent Calendar

A few years ago, I went on a hunt for an adult advent calendar.

I didn’t really know what I was looking for. I just knew I wanted something better than those tiny bargain chocolates. At the very least, I wanted one that had fancy little chocolates.

I found all sorts of options, and most of them seemed designed specifically to appeal to basic Millennial girls like myself.

One had assorted little jars of jam, which was really tempting even though I don’t even eat jam very often.

Another was loaded with small scented candles. But I had already blown my candle budget at Bath & Body Works so I couldn’t really justify that one.

I’m pretty sure one had a bunch of bath bombs. It’s exactly the kind of thing you’d get a mom if you didn’t know what to buy her. And I’m a mom so yeah, it would totally thrill me.

But then I found the perfect one. Not just a grown-up advent calendar, but an advent calendar that’s strictly for adults.

Each day you’d pop open one of the little doors and get a new toy, some lube, a feather tickler - some little thing meant to spice up your evenings.

That settled it. I wanted that one - and I wanted it more than I’ve ever wanted an advent calendar before in my life.

Because the only thing better than celebrating Sexmas would be to celebrate it for a dozen days straight.

Even with all that excitement, I never ended up getting it. Or any of those other advent calendars, for that matter.

I had immediately talked myself into getting it. Then before I could fetch my credit card, I had already talked myself out of it. I told myself I should be getting presents for other people, not myself.

I went back and forth. But after a few days, I managed to convince myself to get it.

Because it wouldn’t even technically be for me. If you think about it, it would really be for my husband. All those little surprises would put me in a frisky mood, so he’d get to hit it from the back a few times. He’d have me riding him hard. He’d get a couple of sloppy blowjobs full of Christmas spirit.

But by the time I had jiu-jitsu’d my way into thinking this was the equivalent of wrapping my ass in a bow and telling Mr. Austin he can have his way with me, it was too late.

It was mid-December, so if I ordered it I’d end up having to open all the little doors at once on Christmas Eve. Or start after Christmas and stretch it out into the new year.

That wouldn’t have been the worst thing in the world, obviously. One big shebang the night before I gift my husband a new stroker or two wouldn’t be so bad. A bunch of dirty fun to unwind from the holiday stress would be pretty decent, too.

But it just wouldn’t be the same. So, I decided to get one the year after.

Then the next Christmas came along and I sort of forgot until it was too late.

Same thing the year after that, because I’m reliably forgetful.

This year’s different, though. Thanks to a combination of good meds, dumb luck, and a few reminders I scheduled well ahead of time, I got all my Christmas shopping done early.

And yep, I even got my hands on a lovely adult advent calendar so I can fully enjoy the holidays.

Okay, But What’s in the Box?

I’ll be spending the second half of December with the Lovehoney Dream wand Sex Toy Advent Calendar.

And I guess I should warn you that I’m about to spoil the whole damn thing. Because yeah, I already opened it all, peeked inside, and even took photos.

But it’s nothing you wouldn’t see on the product page anyway, so it seemed silly for me to play coy about it.

There are twelve items in total, most of them pink and all of them on the more sensual side of sex. But don’t worry, there are a couple of vibrators in there too. I love sensuality as much as the next gal, but it’s so much better when it actually gets you off.

So, here are all the things I’m going to be playing with on the leadup to Christmas.

A Bullet Vibrator

In my 20s, I was all about the bullet vibes. They were handy, discreet, and gave my clit all the stimulation it needed.

And this one is a lot like the bullet vibes I kept in my dresser back then - except better because it’s USB rechargeable. So you don’t have to go digging through your junk drawer for replacement batteries.

It’s decently strong, too. Which is good, especially because some bullet vibes are disappointingly weak.

Vanilla Massage Oil

You can’t have a cozy, sexy holiday without at least a few full-body rubdowns.

And a decent massage oil like this is a great way to make all that physical contact extra relaxing and arousing.

It smells great and it’s not too thick, which means it will make those hands glide nice and easy. A perfect gateway drug to some real dirty fun.

A Couples Cockring

This is a super simple way to upgrade the cock you know and love.

It’s flexible and stretchy enough to slip on comfortably. But it’s firmer in the textured part that’s meant to rub against the clit, so you can get a decent amount of stimulation from it.

It’s also compatible with that bullet vibe I mentioned earlier. So you don’t just get some good pre-Christmas dick - you get some good pre-Christmas dick with added vibrations. And that’s a really nice touch.

A Pink Blindfold

I use blindfolds for sex and I use them for sleep, so I’ve always got a few lying around here and there.

But they’re all kind of the same. Soft, comfortable, and black.

This is my first pink one. And that’s honestly enough to make me eager to wear it.

It’s another perfect thing to include in any kind of naughty gift pack, because getting blindfolded is such a fantastic experience.

It enhances every single sensation. It makes you less self-conscious even if you’re fully naked from the eyeballs down. It feels a bit kinky and submissive, but in a very gentle way.

And if you’re anything like me, you’ll probably want it on every single time you fuck.

A Cool Sparkly Back Massager

Alright, so this isn’t exactly a sex accessory. Not without a bit of imagination, anyway.

But it’s still a really nice touch, because these starfish-shaped massagers really do help you get in there good and work the muscles.

It glides easily with massage oil and is a really nice and soothing sensation overall.

It’s a good addition to full body rubdown - and just what you’ll need if you want a break from arching your back every night.

A Sex Positions Card Game

These are really fun - just a few cards with some sex positions you might not have used in a little while.

It’s a great way to mess around. It’s really playful, which I totally appreciate.

And honestly, sometimes I like not having to think during sex. It’s part of the reason I like being told what to do - well, that and how much it turns me on.

Usually, it’s my husband who takes the lead. But if it happens to be a set of cards telling me how to bend my body, it’s going to be a good time too.

A Crystal Buttplug

You don’t need to do any buttstuff to have a cozy, sexy holiday. But it’s so much better if you do.

So, I’m really glad they included a buttplug in this advent calendar. I’m really pleased with the one they chose, too.

It’s got a pink gem that’s super cute. And the metallic body gives it such a classic look that I find really appealing.

The size is great, too. It’s slim enough for untrained butts or people experimenting with anal play. But it’s still going to be pleasurable if your backdoor’s seen plenty of action.

A Scented Candle

Setting the mood is a good way to get in the mood.

And this scented candle will definitely help with that.

It has a pleasant sandalwood scent. It’s not very bright on its own, but it can be a little addition to your mood lighting.

Satin Restraints

These are cute and very soft. A great way to get your wrists tied to the bedpost - or tied together.

They’re a good way to play around with a bit of light bondage, if you’re not the kind of person who already owns several sets of cuffs.

And if you are that kind of person, then I’m confident you’ll find a lot of really interesting ways to use these.

A Finger Sleeve

This is a small sleeve you can slip over a finger to add texture to your fingering.

But it also has a slot to fit the bullet vibe so you can turn up the pleasure on all the stroking and poking.

Fingering is totally underrated, so anything that encourages more of it and makes it more stimulating is absolutely fantastic.

Artificial Rose Petals

Okay, so if there’s anything in this box that’s a bit of filler I’d have to say it’s these.

They won’t help you get massaged. They won’t get you off. They won’t add a little kinky flair to your late night fuckcapade.

But still, these are fun. It’s a cheesy romantic classic. And that’s something you’ll appreciate if you’re a cheesy romantic yourself - or if you want to make your partner giggle about the rose petals strewn across your sex blanket before you go to town on each other.

Just toss them around the bed and pretend you’re at the end of an X-rated romcom. There’s no way that isn’t going to result in some really upbeat, enthusiastic sex.

The Lovehoney Dream Wand Vibrator

Alright, now we’re talking.

This is the centerpiece of this advent calendar.

It’s a great little wand vibrator. It’s decently strong, has some fun patterns, and a comfortable curved handle. And the heart on it changes colors with every setting, which is a very nice touch that I wasn’t expecting at all.

I firmly believe that every lady needs at least one wand vibrator. So if you decide to dig it out of the calendar on day one, I get it - your secret’s safe with me.

An Entire Fortnight of Foreplay

Even though I just opened every damn compartment on this thing, I’m still super thrilled with my sexy advent calendar.

Realistically, I don’t think I’m actually on track for 12 straight days of fucking. That would be an absolute blast, but I know myself and my body too well. I know I’ll be lucky if I get five or six really good screws out of this.

But hey, that’s at least three or four more than I’d get otherwise. So that would still be a major W.

And I’m not thinking of this as a non-stop fuckfest. More like one long, extended warmup session - a fortnight of foreplay.

Maybe I don’t end up calendaring my way into nightly 69 sessions or daily missionary.

But I can definitely see a few. Probably with a massage or two in between. Possibly a pussy rub too - maybe with those silk ties around my wrists.

I’m not opposed to a bit of mutual masturbation, either.

No matter what, it’s going to be a good time. Because getting a dozen little sexy surprises is already super fun. But it’s all the arousal, naked massages, and multiorgasmic action that are going to make this advent calendar way more exciting than fancy little chocolates ever could be.

This post contains affiliate links to the Lovehoney Dream Wand Sex Toy Advent Calendar. If you click on one and treat yourself to anything from the site, I earn a small commission and you’ll be enjoying a super spicy holiday!

If you liked this article, you should totally check out the Hot Pussy Eating Positions (Doing It Standing and Eating It From the Back) episode of my dirty and intimate sex podcast, Pillow Talk With Emma Austin!