Everyone's Wrong About Sex/Life
Billie isn’t bored - her relationship just sucks
Note: This article contains spoilers. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!
If you’ve read about Sex/Life, you already have a basic idea of what the show’s about.
It centers around a housewife named Billie (played by Sarah Shahi) who gets tired of her marriage. She starts dwelling in her memories, daydreaming about all the intense, hot sex she used to have during her party years.
The guys were trash, but they fucked her hard. And she could use some of that right about now.
The fantasies turn into actual temptation when she runs into Brad (Adam Demos), a guy she used to fuck.
Now she’s just one bad decision away from blowing up her whole life for a bit of passion.
Does she stay faithful to her husband Cooper (Brad Vogel)? Or does she throw it all away for some steamy sex with a damn hot Australian guy?
You also probably read about that one scene where you get to see Brad’s horse-sized dick.
But if you only read about the show, there’s a good chance you also get something wrong about the basic premise.
I keep seeing the same word come up in every review or article about the show.
“Perfect.”
That’s the word people use to describe everything about Billie’s regular, non-sexy wife life.
She has a perfect life with two perfect little children.
She has the perfect house. I’m not a real estate size queen, but yeah, point taken. That thing is fucking huge.
But most of all, people writing about the show will use that adjective to describe Cooper. Billie’s blessed with a perfect marriage with her perfect husband.
But because she’s a walking G-spot who is all sex-crazed and pent up, she might throw it all away for another ride on the horse dong.
Except that’s not actually the premise of the show. She’s risking her marriage, yes. And yes, she’s doing it because she’s drawn to a guy who is kind of an asshole.
But it’s just not true that her marriage is perfect. And her husband is definitely an asshole, too.
Billie’s Marriage Sucks
I checked out Sex/Life while I was fresh off a binge of Shameless. After pouring ten seasons of sweaty, passionate sex right into my eyeballs, I felt bored by shows that had no sexual tension, no explosive fucking, and no dirty subplots.
Sex/Life delivered. It had enough sex, nudity, and implied fucking and sucking to keep me awake and watching.
The first episode alone had several flashes of Sarah Shahi getting boned hard. I’m a simple gal - that’s all I need.
What I didn’t see, though, was that perfect husband of hers. The one I’m supposed to feel sorry for.
The first time we see Cooper, Billie’s eyes brighten. She looks at him lovingly as he walks over, hoping to connect with him for a brief moment. Her expression fades as he walks right past her to greet and hug the kids and acts as if she isn’t even there.
When they do interact, it’s just as sad. Their conversations aren’t really conversations. He talks at her instead of talking with her.
If their emotional chemistry is dim, the sex is even worse.
Even though Cooper’s kind of checked out, Billie has no problem wanting him. She stares at his muscular body with so much lust that it’s a wonder she isn’t pouncing on him in every single scene.
When she finally does pounce, we find out that Cooper will ignore her even when he’s inside her.
Cut to her riding his cock in bed - very enthusiastically, I might add. And instead of focusing on the wife bouncing on his shaft, he leans over so he can look past her and watch the football game while they fuck.
He’s so distracted that he can’t stay hard. He offers to finger her instead. That would be a lovely gesture, except for the fact that he’s doing that absentmindedly too. In fact, he gets so caught up in the game that he stops fingerblasting her and just rests his digits in her pussy while he stares at the screen.
Then we find out that he hasn’t eaten her pussy in 18 months. And I’m sorry, remind me again why Cooper is a perfect husband?
The show establishes right away that he’s actually pretty shitty. He’s emotionally distant, inattentive to his wife, and has no interest in her pleasure.
And if that wasn’t bad enough, his toxic side starts to come out in the second episode.
He invades Billie’s privacy, reading the journal entries she typed out about her ex.
Her horny braindump fills him with so much rage that he becomes physically threatening and then bends her over the kitchen counter and fucks her aggressively.
I don’t know about you guys, but my idea of a perfect husband isn’t one who hatefucks his wife.
Apparently, the Bar for Husbands Is Low as Fuck
The only great qualities Cooper has is that he hasn’t cheated on her (yet) and he’s nice to his kids.
But that’s such a low bar for decency that it’s actually the baseline.
Other than that, everything that’s great about their marriage boils down to his income.
Cooper happens to be rich, so he can provide Billie with more material comfort than anyone would ever need. There’s not even a hint of financial stress in her life.
But that’s pretty much it. And that’s not nearly enough for it to be a great marriage, let alone a perfect one.
There’s no real connection between them. Cooper isn’t there for her emotionally at all. I mean, he even fucks her as if he wishes she wasn’t around.
I get why part of this is still an appealing fantasy. I want to be comfortable too. I’d love another room or two in my house and a huge backyard to go with them. I wish I could go a week without checking my bank balance because I know I don’t need to.
I just don’t think I’d put up with a shitty husband to get it.
I guess I’m a romantic. I followed the love of my life when he went to grad school to study philosophy. Clearly, I’m not scared off by low earning potential.
But I’m still baffled that anyone could watch this show and still think Cooper’s a great dude.
We Can Expect More From Men
I have a theory that people get this show all wrong because they didn’t actually watch it. Or at least, they watched it as inattentively as Cooper fucks his wife.
In her review of the show, Scaachi Koul actually admits to letting the episodes play “while I finished my other assignments, did some laundry, and washed the dishes.” Her review is hilarious and worth reading. It’s also completely wrong.
And it’s wrong in the same way that almost every article about Sex/Life seems to be.
Billie gave up a life of hot casual sex. But she didn’t get love in return. She got a marriage that’s more polite than affectionate.
Part of her really wants to shake up her stable life. It’s not because of the stability, though. This isn’t the story of a woman who has it all but got bored with monogamy. It’s not the story of a girl who can’t stop listening to her lady parts instead of her head and her heart.
No, it’s the story of a woman who is married to someone who has completely lost interest in her.
That interest used to be there. In flashbacks, we see Cooper being handsome and charming and all that. But he’s also attentive to her. He gives more than just a fat bank account.
Whatever he provided her emotionally has faded to almost nothing over the years.
It’s even worse than that, really. The romance is dead, sure. But the other problem is that Cooper clearly has some aggressive, abusive, and vindictive tendencies boiling beneath his surface.
I have no idea how so many people missed that. I can only assume it’s because they all watched it while doing their laundry too.
Because Billie’s life is only perfect if you assume that women can’t and shouldn’t expect much from the men they marry. No chemistry, no tenderness, no passion, and none of the sweet, lovey dovey stuff either.
So, I can’t blame Billie for obsessing over Brad. Not because of his donkey dick, but because he actually pays attention to her - and her clit.
Brad’s personality might be a bit thin. But so is Cooper’s. In a lot of ways, Billie’s choice boils down to the handsome guy with an impressive amount of money and the hot guy with an impressive amount of money.
But the hot guy also listens to her. He looks at her. He goes down eagerly. Maybe that would all fade over time, but it’s already out the door with Cooper.
If those are her only options, she might as well get eaten out.
I can sympathize with Billie. If my marriage was as cold as hers, I’d consider taking a ride on the horse-sized cock too. It would be a challenge. It would leave me sore. It might give me more discomfort than pleasure. But if it’s attached to a guy who looked at me instead of the TV when we’re fucking, it would be a major upgrade.
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And if you liked this article, you should totally check out the Preppy Teen Bribes Stepbrother With Anal (Forbidden Lust, Temptation, and Deflowerings) episode of my dirty and intimate sex podcast, Pillow Talk With Emma Austin!
