6 Overrated Sex Acts That Are Only Hot in Theory
Let’s pump the brakes on these
I really thought I’d be having more standing sex.
Not all the time, of course. But once in a while, as a special sexy treat.
I’d be getting fucked against the wall in a fit of passion.
I’d cool off after a hot fuck with some even hotter action in the shower. A double whammy of great sex.
If I was lucky, I’d even get fucked up against a tree every other month or so.
That’s just the kind of thing that happens when you’re horny. You fuck wherever you happen to be when the urge takes you. Sometimes you don’t bother going all the way to the bed - not when there’s a perfectly good wall you could get pressed up against.
Well, younger Emma was very wrong about that. And she’d probably be disappointed with grownup Emma for all the horizontal sex I’m having.
But it’s not because I got boring. I mean, I did - that just has nothing to do with this.
It’s because standing sex is honestly kind of boring.
It sounds really cool and sexy in theory. When it’s filmed well, it looks incredibly steamy - and not just when it’s in a shower.
And then you finally try it out and it’s just sort of meh.
Like, it can be decent sex. You can get fucked pretty damn well with both feet planted on the floor.
It’s just that you know it would be even better if you weren’t standing. You could last longer. Your sore legs wouldn’t distract you from coming. You could take a dick at a better angle.
And don’t even get me started on getting fucked against a tree.
It really does sound fun. I honestly hope to do it at least a few more times in my life.
I also know that it would just take one bug or a drop of sticky sap to ruin the whole thing for me.
None of this is actually a big deal, though. I think pretty much everyone got the memo on standing sex. We’ve all tried it and realized it just belongs in softcore erotic movies.
But there are other sex acts that are totally overrated. People hype them up even though they’re just like fucking vertically - only great in theory. These are six of the big ones.
All the 69 Positions
When you first hear about 69ing, it sounds like a genius-level sex move.
You take a really awesome thing like giving oral sex and combine it with something even better - getting oral sex.
It’s the best of both worlds - a full-blown sucking and licking party. Super efficient, too - all the oral in half the time.
And I’ll say right off the bat that I can think of a few times when 69ing really is as hot as it sounds. But all of them are in that little window of peak horniness you experience at the start of a relationship or when you get to fuck your crush.
That’s when you crave someone so badly you can’t help yourself. When they’re going down on you, all you want to do is grab her hips and pull her pussy to your face - or take half his shaft in your mouth.
It’s passionate. It’s almost instinctual. It’s giving into something because you just can’t resist it.
It’s also pretty much my only exception.
Unless you’re so drawn to someone you can’t act right, 69ing isn’t combining two great things - it’s making each of those things a little less awesome.
Your mouth can’t always give its best performance when someone’s going down on you. And even worse, it takes your attention away to all the amazing things they’re doing to you.
When my husband is eating my pussy, that’s where all my focus goes. I’m taking in every little sensation. I’m noticing all the different kinds of stimulation he’s giving me. I’m aware of what his hands are doing to me at the same time.
I don’t want to miss a single moment, but that’s exactly what happens when I’m blowing him at the same time.
And that’s the real problem with 69ing. It makes oral sex a bit less intense, a bit less stimulating, and a little less likely to make you come.
So, yeah. No thanks.
Spit Play
Spitting’s been having a moment lately.
At least, that’s the impression I get. Maybe it’s just because I’m spending too much time on the nasty side of TikTok. Maybe a few ladies who are horny for hardcore degradation have skewed my algorithm.
I don’t know. All I know is I keep seeing it.
And spitting is talked about like it’s one of the sexiest things you can ever do to someone. Especially if you aim your saliva right for their open mouth.
It’s meant to be extremely dirty in a really good way. Something that’s so passionate it borders on animalistic. It’s like you’re claiming someone by giving them a little dose of your fluids.
On a purely intellectual level, I guess I sort of understand how that works.
But to me, it just seems gross.
The thought of it doesn’t turn me on one bit. I don’t care how hard I’m crushing on someone, I still wouldn’t want them to spit in my mouth.
It’s not just the fact that it icks me out, though. It also feels really degrading and rude.
For ladies who get turned on by being debased, that’s great. But for almost everyone, it’s just a big turn-off.
Spitting on a pussy is a bit better, but even that’s not amazing. It doesn’t read as passionate to me. It just makes someone seem too cheap or impatient to use some proper lube.
There are other ways to be kinky anyway. If I want to feel submissive, I’d much rather do it by taking a dick in my mouth instead of a glob of spit.
Car Sex
I’ve got some really good car sex memories. Great ones, even.
And they’re fine right where they are - tucked away in my mind.
Because having sex in a car isn’t really something you do deliberately. It’s more like a crime of opportunity.
It’s where I fucked in my teens because I didn’t have any better places to do it.
It’s something I did back when I was full of new relationship energy and would visit Mr. Austin at work just so he could pound me on his break.
It’s probably what you do if you’re having an affair and can’t afford to keep booking hotel rooms.
Otherwise, nah. Just wait until you get home to bang it out. Because sex in a car is never going to be as comfortable as you hope it’s gonna be.
You can make it work if you have to. You can climb over each other. You can get it in and keep going until someone gets off.
But it’s going to be cramped. You’re not going to get to use your favorite fuck positions, only the ones you can pull off in that small space. There’s a decent chance you’ll get a knee or an elbow somewhere you don’t want it. And you probably won’t have any of your favorite sex toys with you.
If you really want to fool around in a car, your best bet is to stick to hand stuff. You can finger a pussy or stroke a cock pretty comfortably, especially if you’ve got a roomy backseat.
Anything more than that and you’ll regret not keeping it in your pants until you got home.
Outdoor Sex
Okay, so let me start by saying that this one is only lightly overrated.
Because I really do love outdoor sex. It truly is as good as it sounds - as long as the circumstances are more or less perfect. And they almost never are.
The outdoors have a lot of things that make sex feel fucking amazing.
Warm sunlight and a natural breeze against your skin. The beautiful, expansive nature all around you. A soundtrack of birds chirping, leaves rustling, streams flowing. The naughty thrill of fucking out in the open.
But it’s also got lots of things that make it suck.
Dirt. Bugs. Little critters of all kinds. Weird things hiding in the grass that you don’t want anywhere near your fingers.
You can keep your eye out for those things. But that’s just it - keeping an eye out for them will take you out of the moment.
And if you do find a good comfy spot to fuck in, there’s a good chance it’s way too public. Like, not the fun thrill of telling yourself you could get caught but the very real risk that someone will see you boning.
If you’re lucky, you have access to a fully private and comfortable outdoor space. A nice deck you can screw on or something like that. At least a backyard with tall fences so you can lay out your sex blanket for a bit of fun.
Otherwise, it’s probably going to be a let down.
Unless you have that perfect magical spot, you’re better off just masturbating to outdoor porn and playing with wearable vibrators on nature walks.
Swallowing
I’m not a swallower but I’ve got nothing against it.
In fact, I’m very much pro swallowing. Anyone who is really into doing it should absolutely go ahead and keep it up.
Watching enthusiastic come guzzlers do their thing is incredibly hot. It’s a dirty move that’s also a very clean finish, and there’s something beautiful about that.
But here’s the thing. It’s not swallowing itself that’s overrated. Treating it like it’s the only proper way to finish a blowjob is.
Because sure, swallowing is great. But so is spitting.
Come filling a girl’s mouth and dribbling out past her lips is really hot. Bonus points if she drips it down to her tits and rubs it in. That’s not a compromise - that’s a pornstar level finish.
She doesn’t even have to take the load in her mouth at all.
She can let it blast on her tits. It can drip down her fingers. She can get him to finish himself off so she can watch eagerly.
And don’t forget facials. Most guys can only hope to get those on their birthdays - if ever.
Those are all amazing ways to polish off some dick sucking. So it’s weird to insist that swallowing is the only right way.
And that’s not even taking into account the guys who say that spitting is a sign of disrespect. That’s not just misguided - it’s also a flag so red you can see it from two blocks over.
Acting Out All Your Fantasies
You’re not really supposed to work out all the details of your sexual fantasies. That’s not the point of them.
Instead of trying to map out the logistics and imagine what it would really feel like, it’s better to just focus on whatever makes it hot.
Like the way your fantasy makes you feel. The overall vibe it has. The little moments that turn you on oh so very much. The visual elements that keep you coming back for more - and coming multiple times.
The details can be fuzzy, but that’s okay. Because a lot of times, that fuzziness is what makes the fantasy work. If it gets too precise and too realistic, it can lose its charm - and its power to turn you on.
That’s the problem with trying to act them out. The reality can be really disappointing, and that can spoil the fantasy for you.
Not always.
Threesomes can be hit and miss, but the good ones can absolutely become spank bank material.
My dream of getting fucked by one guy while another one licks my pussy - I’ve got a good feeling about that one. I’m pretty sure it would hold up, as long as the guys are sexually secure enough to really go for it.
I’m not quite as certain about double penetration. It feels amazing when I give it to myself. But ask me again when I finally get Mr. Austin to fuck my ass while I ride my torso doll.
But there are other things that should just stay in your imagination.
Blowbangs is one of those for me.
I’ve gotten hot at the thought of sucking off three or more dudes at once - especially if they’re a few very specific dudes. And maybe it would even be exciting for a hot minute. But I have a strong hunch that being surrounded by a bunch of dicks would get old real fast.
In my fantasy, it’s a way for me to be a good little submissive. In reality, it would just be some hardcore multitasking.
Pretty much anything that involves roleplaying is the same.
I have all sorts of experience gap fantasies that really can’t be much more than that. Because every time I’ve tried to dabble in it, the pretend play just feels awkward and silly.
I’m not saying you should never experiment and try the things that turn you on. You very much should.
What I’m saying is that you should be a little bit selective about it. You don’t have to treat your fantasies like one big bucket list of things you’ve got to try.
If you think the reality wouldn’t actually live up to the fantasy, then that’s all it has to be. Just something you love to picture, think about, and watch other people do - and never any more than that.
Ignore the Hype
I think some of these things are hyped up because they’re kind of rare.
Some guys put swallowing on a pedestal because it happened to them once or twice and they wish they could experience it again.
It probably just takes one fuckboi spitting in your mouth after putting you on an emotional roller coaster to make it seem like the hottest thing ever.
Even fucking in a car is really exciting the first couple of times you do it.
I get why it’s easy to build those things up in your head. But the reality isn’t always quite so hot, and that’s fine.
So don’t feel bad if you’d rather have sex in the most comfortable room of your house instead of looking for naughty new places to do it.
Don’t pressure yourself to swallow when there are so many other ways you can cap off a dick sucking session.
And there’s no need to spoil a perfectly good blowbang fantasy by actually putting yourself in the middle of a three dick swordfight. That one should probably stay in the spank bank.
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If you liked this article, you should totally check out the Unspoken Rules of Sex (Shower Sex, Hair Sex, and Busty Hairdressers) episode of my dirty and intimate sex podcast, Pillow Talk With Emma Austin!
