5 Ways to Improve Your Sex Life With Texting
Text your way to a better bang
I don’t have sex all that frequently. Not nearly as often as you’d think a sex blogger would, anyway.
But I make up for it by having some extremely satisfying playtime.
Whenever I fuck my husband, we make it count. We go so long we lose track of time. And we go hard - as hard as a somewhat vanilla couple can anyway.
It’s amazing and mindblowing, every single time.
And it’s all because we can text each other.
Okay, maybe it’s not just the texting. Obviously, there’s a lot of physical intimacy, in-person chemistry, and good old fashioned experimentation involved too.
But texting has been tremendously helpful.
I know that because we didn’t always have it. My husband is an extremely late adopter.
He resisted getting a phone for most of his adult life. That changed two years ago when I upgraded my phone and gave him my old one, complete with a lightning bolt shaped crack across the screen and a sparkly pink case keeping it from shattering.
All of a sudden, we were in reach.
It’s not like we texted obsessively - that didn’t happen until I discovered TikTok and he started spending more time on Twitter. But we were no longer completely cut off when we weren’t in the same room.
That changed things for the better. Not just because we wasted less time picking out what we should eat for dinner - precious time I could spend researching fan theories about Taylor Swift’s Woodvale. Not because we could trade memes so we’d finally get each other’s references. But because we were finally having the kind of sex that’s worth writing about.
Before texting, the sex was pretty good.
If you would’ve asked me back then, I would’ve said it was mindblowingly good. And yeah, it was great. But it wasn’t perfect. It was more like a 7 out of 10.
For 10 out of 10 sex, we had to start texting. Because texting can help you do five things that will throw a bucket of fuel on your fuck fire.
Hit on Each Other All Day Long
I’m really slow to warm up.
My arousal is super responsive, too. I don’t tend to get horny independently - not unless I really work at it or get a new porn crush.
Usually, I won’t start jonesing for a pounding until I’m feeling emotionally connected.
That wasn’t an issue back when I first moved in with Mr. Austin. All we did was spend our days eating ramen noodles, watching stacks of DVDs, and fucking on the regular.
But now, we’re all grown up with all the responsibilities that come with it. We’ve got kids to raise, livings to earn, and independent hobbies to pursue, which means lots of time apart.
Too much time apart, though, and the emotional connection starts to go cold - and so do the bed and the sex chair.
If we’re texting, though, we don’t have to wait until we’re together to get things started.
Being able to share our random thoughts, check in with each other, and get a little banter going now and then keeps us feeling connected even when we’re too busy to be with each other.
And flirting over phone screens can be really effective. It’s not quite as powerful as when someone brushes your hair from your face and you instantly picture yourself going reverse cowgirl on them. But it still works pretty damn well.
You can exchange flirty texts throughout the day. You can send winking messages with strings of suggestive emojis. You can tease each other to ramp up the excitement.
When it’s obvious the night is going to end with anything from mutual masturbation to vigorous assplay, you can get really filthy. Talk dirty. Be descriptive. Tell each other everything you want to do when you finally get behind closed doors.
By the time you’re together, you’ll already feel connected - and totally horned up and ready to get physical.
Send Nudes and Such
I’m surprised that Mr. Austin held out on getting a phone for so long. I don’t know why anyone would do that - not when having one means you can receive nudes.
It’s not like I promised him I’d send him lewd shots if he got a phone. But he should’ve known it would only be a matter of time before he got some.
A girl gets lonely sometimes. And then taking tit pics doesn’t seem like such a bad idea - as long as she has someone to send them to.
And once he had my old phone in his pocket, I had that someone.
I’d send bathroom mirror butt pics when I felt really impulsive. Right around ovulation, he had a decent of getting a shot of me flashing him. A few times, I sent him audio files of me masturbating.
It was like flirting turned up to 100. It turned him on and kept my body on his mind, no matter how busy he was.
It was also the clearest green light I could give him. A clear shot with exposed nipples was all the encouragement he needed to put the moves on me.
Taking and sending the shots made me feel naughty too. Sexting is kind of thrilling, even if it’s married sexting. That didn’t just get me in the mood - it made me eager to fuck a little dirtier.
So did being on the receiving end of it.
My husband’s not a selfie taker, but I remember the first exception he made. It was a black and white photo of his hand wrapped around his hard cock. Everything about it made me stop and stare. The way his cock looked so solid, how firm his grip around it seemed, and the wedding ring on full display to remind that it’s not just any cock - it’s the cock I’m lucky to have a real claim to.
And getting that photo made me want to cash in that claim.
It doesn’t matter if you’ve seen each other naked a thousand times. Your partner could have every inch of your body memorized and getting a nude is still going to excite them.
Turn them on with a lewd so horny you’d never dare drop it in a group chat. Send a cleavage shot to let them know your mind is deep in the gutter and you’d like them to be down there with you.
Videos work really well too. Sending a tit drop or a dick drop is going to make them hold their breath and get flustered in anticipation.
When you can make them feel that way, you know the next fuck you have is going to be intense, enthusiastic, and will keep you smiling right through the next morning.
Say the Things You Can’t Say Without Blushing
Flirting and sending nudes helped us get in the mood for hot sex. It helps us get turned on, encourages us to bang more often, and gives our relationship a spicier vibe.
All of that is great, but the best thing texting did was help us get the kind of sex we really want.
I’m kind of bashful when it comes to sex. It’s easy to talk about it when I’m hiding behind a sticker covered laptop or a Rode mic. But in person, I get embarrassed way too easily.
When it’s really personal anyway. Making dirty jokes with my husband was easy peasy. I had no problem going awooga with him when I saw a hot girl in fishnets. But I had a really hard time sharing anything more intimate.
I carry around a lot of shame from my upbringing. I’ve always been extremely self-conscious too. And it really didn’t help that I happen to get horny from things that some people think are sketchy, like consensual nonconsent roleplay, fauxcest porn, and experience gap scenarios.
It’s not like I wanted to keep all that pervy girl stuff to myself. It’s just that I couldn’t bring myself to admit it out loud.
Except if I was doing it over text.
It’s not like it was a breezy thing to do just because I was typing it out for Mr. Austin instead of saying it to his face. It still made me incredibly nervous.
But not so nervous that it stopped me.
It didn’t happen all at once. I opened up pretty slowly. But eventually, he got a full picture of what really turns me on and why.
That’s how we started experimenting with sensual domination and light bondage.
It’s why the sex we have satisfies my praise kink now.
There’s a DDlg edge to most of what we do now that he knows all about my sexualized middle side and my very strong daddy kink.
So yeah, I’m one happy camper now. And it’s all because of how much easier it is to talk about those things over text.
I know there used to be a stigma about having any kind of serious conversation over text, but that’s bullshit. You don’t need to look each other in the eyes to talk about something deep and important.
Start asking questions over text. Lay out your sexual preferences. Describe your fantasies. Figure out what your partner’s kinks are. Talk over things you want to try and spell out your boundaries.
Debrief the day after you’ve had some playtime. Tell them what you love about the way they fuck you. Discuss the things that don’t quite work.
If the foreplay’s over too quickly, if there’s not enough passion or dirty talk, if the stimulation they give you is too vigorous, texting is a great way to discuss all those things.
Blowing up each other’s phones with all those details won’t necessarily get you more sex. But it will help you get the kind of sex you really want and that matters a lot more.
Share Some Smut
Watching porn is awesome, but it would really suck not having anyone to share it with.
I don’t know if this is normal or if I’m just an oversharer, but when I find something amazing, I get the urge to tell someone about it.
It’s why I’d totally give you a bite of the green apple glazed donut I had last Wednesday instead of keeping it to myself - it tasted like a goddamn Jolly Rancher! It’s why my husband has heard a flood of my thoughts about “All Too Well (10 Minute Version)” - and I was holding back. And it’s why I love to tell Mr. Austin when I come across a porn scene that’s so hot even the title turns me on.
I’m convinced that being open about that has helped us have better sex.
But it’s sharing porn for each other that really turned things up.
I love finding something that’s smack dab in the middle of our porn Venn diagram. It could be a great scene on one of my favorite porn sites, a hot girl posting nudes on Twitter, or some hentai art that’s the exact right kind of filthy for us. When I know something would tickle his fancy as much as it tickles mine, I get a little rush from sharing it with him.
It’s basically like foreplay. We’re enjoying something sexy together, which feels really playful. And feeling playful is often the first step to getting it on.
It’s also really fun to send him something I know he’s really into. It’s like nudging him when I see a hot chubby girl who’s just his type and I don’t want him to miss out on a chance to thirst - except it’s online.
I send him pics of hot BBWs who have three times as much confidence as I have. If I run across a lewd account by a big titty goth girl, I hit the share button right away.
He repays the favor by sending me colorful cutesy thirst traps posted by girls with subby vibes. Or the kind of dommy hotties who make me want to squeal “mommy” and go all UwU.
It’s sweet. It’s thoughtful. And it’s basically another way to flirt with each other. It keeps our minds on sex and gives us dirty thoughts throughout the day - which helps us have a lot more fun at night.
Don’t keep all the smut to yourself. Start sharing all that hot stuff with each other and there’s a good chance you’ll be having more horny, uninhibited sex because of it.
Deal With All the Boring Stuff
Having four young kids, a mishmash of self-employed gigs, and all sorts of little responsibilities to fill the cracks in between means that I don’t get as much time with my husband as I’d like to.
So, I want to make the best of the time we do have. And that means dealing with all the boring shit beforehand.
The kid-related issues. The stressful money talks. Organizing our schedules. Picking out meals. Those are all things I make sure to deal with over text.
I want all the time we have together to be devoted to the really good stuff.
Cuddling while watching Netflix.
Conversations that make us laugh so hard we tear up.
Getting sensual massages to my favorite playlists so I can sneakily convert him into a Swiftie.
Letting him strap my wrists together and fuck me so hard I can barely think straight.
Basically, anything that feels good and improves our intimacy.
Take care of all the unsexy stuff over text so you can take care of each other when you’re together. You’ll feel closer, more connected, and super lovey dovey. And then it’s just a matter of time before dirty thoughts start to sneak in and hands start sliding down underwear.
Heat Things Up
I’m sure you don’t actually need to text to have great sex.
Maybe I could’ve gotten to a 10 out of 10 sex life with Mr. Austin even if he still abstained from smartphones.
But it probably would’ve been trickier and taken us longer to get there - if we ever did.
Having great, amazing sex pretty much all comes down to having really fucking good communication. And texting is going to help you get that.
And I doubt I’d get even half as horny as I do if it wasn’t for him sending me some sexy stuff when he should be working.
If you want better sex, start texting each other about it. Work on your flirting game. Send some naughty stuff. By the time you have some private time together, you’ll be ready to make the most of it.
Using app-controlled sex toys are another way to get turned on at a distance and make your texting even hotter. I highly recommend the ones by Lovense, especially the Lovense Ferri! That’s an affiliate link, by the way. If you click on it and treat yourself to anything from the site, I earn a small commission and you’ll have playing with the absolute best long-distance sex toys! Use the code LOVEEMMA at checkout to save 15% on your entire order!
If you liked this article, you should totally check out the Add a Little Bit of Spice (Introducing BDSM, Kinky Toys, and Sexy Helplessness) episode of my dirty and intimate sex podcast, Pillow Talk With Emma Austin!
