I Went on a Quest for Black Friday Porn - Here’s What I Found
Fuck the deals - just give me the smut
Note: This post contains nudity (you’re welcome!)
How the hell is this possible?
That’s what I kept telling myself while looking through adult site after adult site.
I went to every single one I like to frequent and typed two words into the search bar: “Black Friday.”
And every time, I got two words in return: “No Results.”
That’s not supposed to happen. Not on porn sites.
There’s porn for everything. That’s the deal with porn. That’s part of what makes it endlessly fun and entertaining.
If I wanted to, I could go watch Sonic The Vadgehog right now - with a strong emphasis on the “if.”
I’ve seen at least two ladies dress like turkeys to bless us with Thanksgiving porn - and I’m sure there are even more turkey girls I haven’t even come across.
I could watch a full-length porn parody of Black Widow before the movie even dropped on streaming services.
The porn world is full of funny, inventive people who have to constantly come up with fresh ideas. You’d think we’d be butt-deep in Black Friday porn by now.
But nope. It’s a surprisingly scarce resource.
And they all have Black Friday on the mind. Even the sites I’m already subscribed to are splashing Black Friday banners in front of me.
I can’t show you the whole banner without getting in trouble. Sorry! (Screenshot from Touch My Wife)
You’d think it would come up, like during a board meeting or something. Someone must have suggested that they should maybe shoot some Black Friday scenes to go along with all the banners and deals.
I know I would. And not just because I zone out during those kinds of things - it’s just a really good idea.
Porn studios are on the ball when it comes to Thanksgiving porn. The family roleplay sites would never miss the opportunity to turn family drama and togetherness into, uh, family togetherness - if you know what I mean.
Another banner I have to crop - but I think you can guess what kind of gobbling she does (Screenshot from Touch My Wife)
But Black Friday doesn’t get the same treatment. It just gets swept under the heavily discounted rug.
And it’s not because it’s too abstract or whatever. I thought of three decent Black Friday porn scenarios in the time it took for me to write this sentence.
Nerdy college boy begs his MILFy stepmom to get him a top-shelf gaming PC while it’s on sale - and she makes him earn it.
Two bubbly best friends excitedly try on the clothes they got from their Black Friday haul - and all that dressing and undressing makes them forget all about the things they bought.
Shopaholic stepdaughter begs and pleads for her stepdaddy’s credit card - and she’ll do anything not to miss the sales.
See? It practically writes itself!
I was seven sites deep and thought I’d have to give up on my personal quest to find ultra-topical porn.
And then I finally found it. In all of the vast, sweaty, fleshy sea of online porn, I dug up a grand total of three Black Friday themed porn videos.
I Went to the Mall and All I Got Was My Stepdad’s Cock
The first scene I found was on Nubiles, because of course it was.
Porn studios move fast and jump on all sorts of trends, and Nubiles is a good example of that.
They’ve got everything covered. They released Star Wars Day porn for May 4th twice. They’ve done Amish porn - twice. This month alone, they’ve already released multiple Thanksgiving porn scenes.
Can’t we just have one nice dinner without you fucking your stepsister?! (Screenshot by author)
And back in 2017, they released 22 minutes of Black Friday porn for those of us who would rather get our dopamine from masturbating instead of shopping.
Black Friday XXX is part of the Bad Teens Punished series, and the bad teen in this one is played by Kenzie Reeves. She’s shopping for clothes with her stepdad, who is getting impatient - probably because she’s wasting so much time taking slutty mirror selfies in the dressing room.
The titular bad teen (Image from Bad Teens Punished / Nubiles)
She sends him one of those shots, which lures him to the dressing room, where she proceeds to suck his cock. At least, that’s what I think happened, because it goes by super quickly before cutting away from the mall to one of those spacious living rooms you see in all sorts of studio porn.
And this is where the bad teen gets punished. Since she was so naughty, Kenzie’s stepdad gives her a smacky spanking that makes her so horny it leads to fingering before she’s even had a chance to learn her lesson.
The titular punishment (Image from Bad Teens Punished / Nubiles)
She acts shocked by the size of his cock before it goes down her throat. That’s a continuity error, since she already had it in her mouth back in the dressing room.
I think that thick-dick blowjob is supposed to be part of her punishment too. But it’s hard to tell because she seems to enjoy it as much as you’d expect a girl wearing a submissive collar would.
So, we get the bad teen with a bratty attitude. We get to see her thoroughly enjoy her punishment. And we get to watch a girl moaning “daddy” while getting fucked in pink Converse, which is always a plus. But only a couple of minutes of anything related to Black Friday.
Still, that’s more than most sites are serving up so I’ll give them credit for that.
Ladies Be Shopping (While Fucking)
The next scene I found was on Pornhub. It was uploaded by Crystal Lust about a year ago.
You can’t miss Crystal Lust. If you’ve ever come across one of her thumbnails on the front page of Pornhub, there’s an approximately 100% chance that you spent at least a few seconds in sheer amazement at how incredibly huge her ass is.
Unsurprisingly, it’s the focus of a lot of her videos. I can’t say I blame her - if I had a butt like that, my porn videos would be all ass all the time.
Hey, aren’t those the TikTok leggings? (Screenshot by author)
The title of the video is “Horny Stepsis Fucks Stepbro while Online Black Friday Shopping in Ripped Leggings” and that pretty much tells you everything you need to know.
Crystal is doing some online shopping while lying on her bed. Her stepbrother walks in and says that he’s never noticed how big her ass is until seeing it in those leggings.
I don’t buy this for one second. I don’t care how closely related you are to Crystal Lust, there’s no way that would escape your notice.
There’s some awkward banter with double entendres about shopping and her repeatedly addressing him as “stepbro.” Then stepbro treats himself to a squeeze of her butt and things get going.
And by “get going,” I mean she gives him a footjob before he tears her ass out of her leggings. It doesn’t seem to bother her, I guess because she’s horny and probably adding more leggings to her cart anyway.
She jiggles her exposed ass for about five minutes while scrolling through online stores and teasing him with some dirty talk. It’s a little contrived, but it’s to be expected. You click on a Crystal Lust video when you’re in the mood for a lot of ass - and you can always count on getting it.
Never too naked to shop (Screenshot by author)
She invites him to fuck her - as long as she can keep shopping. And we get some POV doggystyle and cowgirl action while she moans about how good the Black Friday deals are.
Multitasking can be really satisfying, and this video is extra proof of how fun it can be. Crystal doesn’t have to choose between shopping and fucking - she can just do both.
This is legit Black Friday porn and I completely admire it for that. We get a good view of her actually scrolling through shopping sites, talking non-stop about deals, and not interrupting any of it just because she wants to fuck her stepbrother.
Looking for Bargains and Getting Banged Instead
My final Black Friday find is another Pornhub vid that was released around the same time.
Like a lot of Pornhub videos, it has a highly descriptive title. “I went Shopping on Black Friday and Ended up having Sex with a Naive Stranger” tells you pretty much everything you need to know about the scenario.
This one is by par3jahorny, who describe themselves as a couple who like “public, risky outdoor” fun. So I guess it’s no surprise that their video involves a trip to some boutiques instead of online shopping.
The video is Spanish with English subtitles, and maybe something is lost in the translation but it plays out like a pickup artist’s wet dream. A guy approaches a girl who is busy shopping, offers her a ride home, and ends up fucking her in his car.
If it was this easy, I’d be picking up girls at the mall too (Screenshot by author)
There’s a lot of closeup action in this one because these two horny lovebirds stay faceless throughout the scene. But we have to assume he’s hot as fuck because just being in his passenger seat is enough to make her incredibly horny. Or maybe she found some discounts that were so good they made her wet. Hard to tell.
He fingers her and she jerks him off while the car is in motion. Then they find a place to park for some more serious front seat action.
That can’t be super comfortable (Screenshot by author)
It’s kind of cramped and reaffirms my personal no sex in the car stance. But they make it work and we get a decent view of the ride she gives to repay him for the lift.
Porn Will Never Let You Down
I should’ve known porn would come through for me. No matter what your horny brain comes up with, it’s probably already out there somewhere on film.
But there’s room for more. My hope is that the next time Black Friday rolls around, it won’t be this hard to find search results.
And I will most definitely be searching again. Because like the girls in these scenes, I get horny for deals. But I get even hornier for playful porn.
Black Friday porn is hard to find, but Black Friday porn deals aren’t. Here are some you should totally check out.
Adult Time is my absolute favorite porn site. It’s got so much amazing content in lots of different niches.
My Pervy Family has lots of awesome, playful family roleplay - including plenty of POV action.
Touch My Wife is a new site that has lots of great content for anyone with a cuckold kink.
Evil Angel is for the extra filthy smut - hardcore anal, extreme action, and girls who make taking two dicks at once seem like amateur stuff.
Gender X Films for lots and lots of scenes featuring incredibly hot trans girls.
Those are all affiliate links! If you click on one and treat yourself to a membership, I earn a small commission and you’ll be masturbating to some of the best porn online!
