What to Do When You Can’t Get Hard
It doesn’t have to be awkward
For about as long as I’ve known dicks were a thing, I’ve known that they can act in all sorts of ways.
Some twitch excitedly when you touch them. Others stand stiff and still like soldiers.
The ultra sensitive ones will come super quickly. Others will let you ride them a while before they finish. Eventually, I found out that some might not even spunk at all.
Dicks can get rock solid or chub up with a bit of wiggle left in them.
And sometimes, they don’t manage to get hard at all.
Which is totally fine. It’s something I expected it would happen once in a while, and I figured it wouldn’t be that big of a deal. Because dicks just behave that way sometimes.
But the more I heard actual stories of guys who couldn’t get it up, the more nervous I got about it.
Because a soft cock might not be a problem, but the way some guys react when it happens definitely is.
I’m sure plenty of guys are chill about it. But the majority of stories I heard involved guys who weren’t at all.
They’d get incredibly upset about it and majorly kill the mood. They’d lose their cool and make things tense for a while. Some of them would say horribly hurtful things that should’ve earned them an extended stay in the doghouse.
Which is a shame, because every single one of those stories could’ve had a much happier ending if the guys in them just had a better reaction to going soft.
And you absolutely deserve that kind of happy ending. So if you can’t get hard and still want to have a good time, this is what you should do.
Take a Breath
When your dick isn’t cooperating, you might start going into panic mode.
You get hit with a major dose of anxiety. You can feel the stress inside your chest.
That would be bad enough, but then you start catastrophizing.
You wonder if your last hard-on is the last one you’ll ever have. You start to worry that there’s something wrong with you. You think this might finally be it - the day your sex life dies for good.
That’s a pretty common response, especially if it’s the first time you can’t get it up. But it’s not a helpful one.
First of all, it makes it even tougher to get erect. Stressing out means less blood can flow to your cock, which means it can’t get hard.
It’s also just a natural thing for a dick to do. They go soft when you don’t want them to sometimes, so there’s no reason to jump right to your worst case scenario.
And making yourself feel miserable about it just plain sucks. Your dick is supposed to be a source of joy, but it can’t be if you get hung up on the way it behaves.
So the first thing you should do is take a breath and calm your nerves. That way, you can go back to having a fun night instead of a bad one.
Stay Confident
You also shouldn’t feel embarrassed when your cock doesn’t stand up to attention.
I know that’s easier said than done. It’s a major insecurity for a lot of guys and I’m not trying to downplay that. I know a lot of guys find it really emasculating. But it doesn’t have to be.
You can still be confident, dominant, and a total stud in the sack - even with a cock that tends to lose its firmness.
And as long as you remember that, you don’t have to feel ashamed at all. You can still be super hot and enthusiastic, which is really all that counts.
Don’t Lash Out
Okay, this one isn’t really a tip. It’s more like a requirement.
Some guys deal with the uncomfortable feelings they get when they go limp by putting the blame on their partner.
They’ll get bitchy and imply that it wouldn’t happen if she was hotter.
Or tell her that it’s because she’s just lying there, not doing enough, or being a boring fuck.
A lot of them will keep it more general and say something like “This never happened to me before, so it must be because of you.”
And yeah, don’t do any of that. There’s honestly no excuse for that kind of thing. It doesn’t matter how frustrated a guy gets, it doesn’t give him a license to be an asshole.
If you’re ever tempted to be rude or say something grumpy, you’ve got to nip that right in the bud.
It should be positive vibes only whenever you’re fooling around, but especially in this case. It’s your dick, so you should take responsibility for it - even when you don’t like what it’s doing.
Switch the Script
There’s no reason to stop having sex when you can’t get it up.
I mean, you can if you really want to. You could call it, cuddle for a while, and then watch a Liam Neeson thriller together until you’re too tired to stay up. All good. Not a terrible way to spend an evening.
But it’s way more fun if you keep the good times going.
All you’ve got to do is change your sex script.
I gave up on my sex script a while back, but I held onto it for a good ten years or so. I’d have sex in all sorts of ways. I’d experiment by trying every dirty thing I could think of. But I always followed two unspoken sex rules - everyone’s gotta come at least once and you’ve got to end with penetration.
It didn’t matter what to build up to it, but I felt like sex was supposed to end with a cock in my pussy - or in my ass if I was horny enough.
And I’m glad I got rid of that assumption, because sex is so much more playful, exciting, and pleasurable to throw out the script and improvise.
It also means you can adapt to the situation.
If your sex script involves sticking your dick in your partner and pounding away, then being soft is going to be a problem. But it won’t be if you ditch it and just go with the flow.
You can work your finger magic, go down on your partner, and give her ass a gentle spanking. Get her in different positions so you can eat her out from behind, rub her pussy and play with her tits while spooning her, or have her sit on your face.
You can bust out some advanced moves - like licking and fingering her pussy at the same time, making her come extra hard with the shocker, or edging her until she begs you for an orgasm.
If you get off on being dominant, you can boss her around a bit. Talk dirty to her, make her touch herself for you, tell her how to get herself off.
And if you still like getting stroked and sucked when you’re soft, you can definitely work that in too. It’s a great opportunity for a cock massage if she’s game for it. You can even push some rope if you don’t mind doing a little extra work to get it in.
There are tons of really hot and stimulating things you can do without a hard-on. So go ahead and keep fucking. You might need to get a bit creative, but it’ll totally be worth it.
Bust Out the Toys
I’m a really big advocate for using toys during sex.
They add lots of variety, they enhance your pleasure in all sorts of ways, and toy play is just plain hot.
You should be using them even when your dick is rock solid. But they can come in extra handy when it’s not.
Dildos are the obvious choice if you still want lots of penetrative action - especially if you get off on seeing your partner taking a dick.
Thrusters can be even more fun, though. You can give her an intense, overpowering pounding without having to make your arm sore. If she’s into a good double dicking, you can let the thruster work her pussy while your cock’s in her mouth.
And if you still want a messy finish, you can use a squirting dildo and blow a generous, creamy load on her. Or fill her pussy with artificial spunk, if creampies are more your jam.
Your dick can get in on the action, too. Some strokers probably aren’t that great if you can’t get any stiffness going, but your partner can give you plenty of stimulation with a proper cock vibrator like the Lovense Gush.
Get Down and Dirty - Even When You Can’t Get It Up
Every guy should be ready for the day when he can’t get his dick hard.
It’s such a common thing. Even if you’ve never had trouble getting stiff, it’s probably only a matter of time before it happens to you.
And when it does, it’ll go so much better if you’re mentally prepared for it.
You’ll be able to keep your cool. You’ll stay in the right mindset to keep the action going. And you can come up with a soft cock gameplan - all the sex acts and moves you’re going to use when you can’t rely on your rock hard rod.
Not being able to get it up will fuck up your whole night if you let it. So don’t. Just roll with it, improvise, and don’t cheat you and your dick out of all that dirty action.
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If you liked this article, you should totally check out the Pillow Humpers and Stuffie Fuckers (Grinding, Pillow Porn, and Recreational Humping) episode of my dirty and intimate sex podcast, Pillow Talk With Emma Austin!
