How to Choose Porn as a Couple

It’s not as easy as it seems

“So, what do you want to watch?”

That’s the question I asked my husband while we stared at the pages full of X-rated thumbnails.

“Not sure. What do you want to watch?”

We went back and forth like that for a while.

I was excited about watching porn with him. I was fully prepared to have it turn me on and inspire us to have some really dirty sex.

But there we were, struggling to even pick a scene to watch. I was losing my mojo.

I firmly believe that more couples should watch porn together. And I started doing it more recently.

Mainly, it’s because Mr. Austin and I got into mutual masturbation. Once in a while, we’ll just get ourselves off next to each other.

Watching him masturbate while I jill off is extremely hot. Even just listening to him is a massive turn-on.

Adding porn is just piling more entertainment on top of it. We’ll set the laptop between us in bed so we can watch it while we watch each other.

I’ve also been watching more porn with Mr. Austin because I have problems with low libido.

He never has a problem getting aroused, but I often struggle. I’ll want to have sex, I’ll have the urge to fuck, but my body won’t get with the plan.

Thanks to a frustrating mix of hormonal imbalances and anxiety issues, I can be extremely mentally horny without being, like, horny horny.

When that happens, I pull out all the stops. I take a relaxing bubble bath in the afternoon. I’ll keep my thoughts dirty throughout the day. And when Mr. Austin is ready to come to bed, I’ll watch porn with him.

It’s like the pre-game before the foreplay. It doesn’t always work, but it’s usually my best shot. Having him hold me close and run his hands over my skin while we watch hot people undress and fuck can really fire up my sex drive.

But before we could fully enjoy it, we had to solve the problem of how to actually choose porn to watch.

I didn’t think that would be an issue, but every time we settled in to watch something, we couldn’t actually settle on a video.

We’d scroll through page after page like we were playing a game of chicken to see which one of us would cave first and make a suggestion.

When we finally did find something, it would almost always leave us both unsatisfied.

That’s because we weren’t picking the porn that would turn us on — we were picking the porn that wouldn’t make us feel judged.

We were so self-conscious about our picks that we would end up playing safe. And safe meant the most basic, generic, dull porn available.

We’ve gotten a lot better since, but that’s one of the obstacles that keeps couples from enjoying porn together. Actually picking something can be intimidating and embarrassing. It takes a little work to get to a place where you’re actually comfortable making a selection.

There are some things that I’ve found really help. If you want to watch porn as a couple, this is how you avoid the selection struggle.

Agree to Leave the Judgment Out of It

Choosing porn to watch together is a surprisingly vulnerable activity.

You’re not just agreeing to watch people fuck — you’re basically confessing to your exact turn-ons.

Your partner probably knows some of them already, but there’s a chance they don’t know all of them because they’re not all relevant to your sex life.

Like maybe you didn’t tell them you’re really into family roleplay. Or they didn’t tell you that they prefer to get off to women with gigantic tits. Or neither of you felt there was a need to lay out how you felt about bukkake.

Until now.

Picking porn is going to be a lot easier when you make an agreement not to judge each other for your fetishes and kinks.

When you’re completely open, you might also find out that you both secretly get off to the same kind of thing, which is a really exciting discovery.

Leave Your Insecurities Out, Too

There’s a good chance your partner will be into people who don’t look like you. And that might make you feel kind of weird.

They might want to watch pornstars who are taller than you, have way more tattoos, or are fit as fuck.

Maybe your partner’s drawn to performers with asses twice as big as yours. Maybe you want to watch guys with impossible muscles pick up girls and fuck them standing.

And that’s fine, because it’s all fantasy. It doesn’t mean they find you any less attractive or that they’re not satisfied with your sex life.

That’s part of the point of a fantasy, anyway. They’re supposed to represent things you don’t get in real life. Porn isn’t about watching the same thing you get at home — it’s about exploring things that are different, new, and sometimes downright unrealistic.

That’s why it’s so fun. But worrying about it too much is going to spoil it.

Find a Middle Ground Between Your Preferences

Watching porn with Mr. Austin was kind of boring at first because we always went with something fully vanilla.

That definitely works for some, but it didn’t do much for either of us.

We were trying to find a good middle ground by going as bland as possible. But that was the wrong way to approach it.

We’ve had much better luck since we actually shared our favorite porn search terms with each other.

Sharing your search terms means you can easily combine them and find porn that hits both of your sweet spots. If you’re really into girl-girl videos and they’re really into bondage, you can find lesbian femdom scenes. If you’re really into group sex and they’re into anal, you can search for double penetration porn.

But be sure to veto anything that actively turns you off. If they’re really into degrading dirty talk and you’re indifferent about them, that’s fine. But if it actively turns you off and ruins your arousal, cross it off the list and find something you can both enjoy.

If you’re lucky, you can just find a lot of overlap. You can list your favorite porn genres until you find one that you’re both into.

Mr. Austin and I don’t always watch the same types of porn, but we learned that we’re both really into anal porn, outdoor scenes, submissive women, and daddy kink. Knowing that makes it a lot easier for us to find something suitable for both of us.

Plan Ahead

It also helps to decide on what to watch ahead of time. That way, you can take your time and make a good choice instead of rushing to find something that might not fully satisfy you.

Selecting beforehand also means you won’t be wasting time scrolling through porn sites when you should be getting turned on.

Obviously, this works best if your porn date is premeditated. But if watching porn with your partner is a thing you do once in a while, it’s a good idea to bookmark a few videos for when you’ll need them.

Get a Good Subscription

Paying for porn supports the creators who make the wonderful stuff you get off to. It’s also a way to make sure you have the kind of porn you want, right when you want it.

Find a site that hits both of your buttons and get a membership to it.

If you just want access to high-quality, full length videos, you can subscribe to a mainstream site you’re both into, like 21 Sextury or Girlsway.

If there’s a fetish you both have, find a company that caters to it. Whether it’s bondage, pegging, or squirting, there’s a site for it.

It could also be a performer whose OnlyFans you can both dip into when you need something.

Or you can create a joint Pornhub account to follow amateur creators you both like watching together.

My husband and I have a subscription to Adult Time and that’s exactly where we go when we settle in to watch porn together. Being able to rely on it has saved us a ton of time and resulted in a better experience than we had when we relied on Pornhub alone.

Take Turns

Sometimes, the simplest thing to do is just take turns picking something instead of trying to choose something together.

I can be a little lazy when it comes to picking porn with Mr. Austin. If it doesn’t immediately go smoothly, I’ll just ask him to find something. That’s worked out pretty well so far.

You can even turn it into a bit of a game. Challenge your partner to find porn you will absolutely love. Next time, try to pick something that will really get them off.

Decide How You’re Going to Watch

Watching porn with my husband taught me that we consume it differently.

He assumed we would pick a 30-minute scene or a full-length feature and watch it all the way through.

I don’t usually watch porn like that. I like to skip through videos, taking in the best part like I’m watching a dirty highlight reel.

When you decide to watch porn together, you have to agree on how you’ll watch it. Will you sit through the storylines? Will you skip right to the action? Are you going to bounce around from scene to scene?

That will help you get on the same page but it will also influence your selection. If you’re skipping right to the action, the plot doesn’t actually make a difference. But if the plot is a big part of it for you, a few really hot scenes can’t make up for a dull story that’s hard to get into.

Make the Process Smooth

Watching porn as a couple is really hot, but trying to pick out a video gets real boring real fast.

Don’t waste your arousal looking at thumbnails and awkwardly negotiating a compromise.

Instead, plan ahead, figure out the right search terms, and get access to the right sites. That way, you can focus on what matters: getting horny and getting off.

This article is chockablock with affiliate links tosome fantastic porn sites. If you click on one (or click here) and treat yourself to a membership, I earn a small commission and you’ll be supporting my work!