How to Give Yourself a Solo BDSM Session
6 ways to enjoy sexually submissive masturbation
When I say subspace is like a drug, I’m not exaggerating.
That’s the state of mind you can reach through sexual submission. It’s arousing as hell, pleasurable as can be, and emotionally comforting. It’s pure bliss, basically.
It’s a bit like the mental state you get from great sex or a really strong orgasm, but different and more intense. It’s more like a powerful high that makes you feel like you’ve stepped completely out of your mind.
Which makes sense, because that’s basically what subspace is - a heavy, long-lasting dose of brain chemicals that make you feel better than you thought you could feel.
And I got to experience it by getting cuffed, blindfolded, told what to do, and called a good girl for doing it.
The experience was absolutely incredible and genuinely mindblowing. All I wanted to do was experience it all over again.
That was my first brush with sub frenzy. That’s the dark side of subspace - once you’ve had a taste of it, it’s really hard to quit cold turkey. You obsess over it. You keep chasing after it. You might do dumb, risky things to experience it again.
Thankfully, I took the low-risk approach. I just made my life revolve around BDSM for a while.
I bought restraints, paddles, and other kinky accessories. I made it clear to my husband that I didn’t just want him to fuck me - I wanted him to dominate me and make me feel like I was his.
I looked up tips for better submission. I read up on subspace and all the things I could do to experience it again. I watched bondage porn for extra inspiration.
And I tried to work it into my masturbation too.
That one was especially tricky, though. Because the thing that makes BDSM so fucking exciting for me is the dynamic it creates.
It’s giving myself over to someone I trust more than I trust myself. It’s feeling completely at his mercy and deeply cared for at the same time. It’s being able to let go, knowing that he has it all under control. It’s getting to a point where all I care about is pleasing him and earning praise for it.
That’s not exactly something I can give myself - even if I try really, really hard.
But I still found a few ways to get myself off that made me feel a little more submissive and satisfied my urge for a bit of kinky fun. None of them come close to the thrill and pleasure of actually submitting to someone, but they can definitely hold you over until you get to experience that again.
Wear a Collar and Cuffs
It might sound silly, but I really like getting dolled up to masturbate.
It makes it feel special, which is nice. It helps me feel cute and attractive, which makes it easier for me to get turned on and be as dirty as I want to be.
And with the right outfit, it can help you feel more submissive.
There are lots of different subby looks you can experiment with. Because of my particular kinks, I tend to go for cutesy and innocent - babydoll curls, bright colors, soft textures. A schoolgirl uniform works too.
Or I can literally get dolled up and make myself up like a sex doll. It really doesn’t get more submissive than that.
But there’s one thing thing that works especially well for pretty much any kind of submissive - putting on a collar and a set of cuffs.
It’s a perfect subby look. Feeling it strapped around your throat is a constant reminder that you’re being kinky. The sound of the D-rings or connectors clicking and clanking on your wrists add to it too.
You don’t even technically need to do any bondage for it to put you in the right headspace. You don’t have to attach the cuffs to anything - just wearing them is enough.
In fact, you shouldn’t tie yourself to anything at all. Solo bondage might sound fun, but not having someone to make adjustments and uncuff you quickly if it gets uncomfortable would just suck. And it’s not worth the risk of Gerald’s Gaming yourself.
Just enjoy how cute the collar and cuffs make you feel - that’s more than enough.
Edge Yourself to Frustration
I think my wiring’s a little bit messed up. Because as much as I love sex and orgasms, I think I prefer being denied them.
Not forever, of course. But for a good while.
Long enough for me to crave it. Long enough to get so horny it’s almost uncomfortable. Long enough to want it badly - and to fully enjoy that wanting.
That’s one of the reasons I love being controlled so much. I want to be brought to breathless levels of arousal - and kept there.
That’s why the kinds of domination I love the most are full of teasing, stimulation with remote controlled toys, and plenty of edging. And doing those things to myself is a really good way to make myself feel submissive.
I work lots of teasing into my masturbation. I build up by touching myself all over and playing with gentle toys. I watch porn with interactive sex toys so I can get really worked up. But most importantly, I edge the hell out of myself.
That’s actually really hard for me. I love being denied, but I have a really hard time saying no to myself. When I try to edge myself, there’s about a fifty percent chance that I’ll just give up and make myself come.
That’s one reason I love denial so much - it’s a lot easier to obey someone else than it is to follow my own rules.
But when I manage it, it’s great. And every time I get close to an orgasm and pull back before I come, it gets better. I get hornier and more desperate, which makes me feel submissive. My pussy gets incredibly sensitive too, which is a nice bonus. And when I finally come, the orgasm is powerful as fuck so I feel like I’ve earned a reward for being so good.
Give Yourself Some Orgasm Torture
Orgasm torture is basically the opposite of edging and denial. Instead of keeping someone from coming, it’s giving them all the sexual stimulation and orgasms they can handle - and maybe a little more.
This is another one I find hard to do solo. Unless I’m with someone I want to please and impress, I’m way more likely to tap out after I’ve had a big orgasm.
But when I manage to go for more, it does the trick. It makes me feel like I’m being forced to come - even though I’m the one doing the forcing. And there’s something about pushing my limits that way that makes the whole thing feel kinkier.
If you’re into orgasm torture and you want to give yourself some, the best way is to play with a really strong toy. One that feels like a lot. One that makes you come fast and come hard.
Then all you have to do is make yourself come over and over - until you just can’t anymore.
Fuck a Machine
Machines have always turned me on in a big way. It’s something about how intimidatingly powerful they can be. The way they can be controlled - and can be used to control my pleasure. How they can make me feel small and helpless, which can be incredibly arousing in the right situation.
I’ll be the first one in line to buy a sex robot when they make a proper one.
Until then, I’ll use sex toys that have a very mechanical feel.
Sex machines are the obvious choice. They fuck you with perfectly precise thrusts. They can go faster and harder than any human ever could. They can literally fuck you into submission, which is the exact feeling you’re after.
Thrusters are pretty good too. They’re basically small, portable sex machines. They don’t have the strength those do and they can’t give you really long thrusts. But they can still make you feel like you’re letting a machine take control and fuck you, and that’s enough for a really good time.
For vibrators, I like the Magic Wand. It looks industrial and it has the power to match. I know it’s not specifically designed for kink, but it just feels like a BDSM tool to me.
The classic Magic Wand is too much for me to handle personally, though it would probably perfect for orgasm torture. But I get the same kinky, subby feel from masturbating with the Magic Wand Mini - especially if I tuck it in my underwear and use it hands-free.
All of these are way hotter when someone is using them to dominate you. But letting a machine work you over is going to make you feel more submissive, even if you’re the one setting it off.
Slip Something In
One way to make your jill-off session feel more submissive is to make the leadup to it feel subby. And one good way to do that is by using a wearable sex toy while you go about your usual business.
A buttplug works really well. I haven’t tried eggs, but I’m sure those would do the trick too. And ben-wa balls most definitely do.
Once the toy’s in, you just do whatever - clean, go for a walk, fold some laundry. It doesn’t matter how mundane it is, because the constant reminders that you’ve got something in your ass or in your pussy will make you feel extra naughty.
But what will make you feel especially subby is the fact that your toys will do things to you practically out of the blue. Your ben-wa balls are going to shift. Your buttplug is going to make your ass react to it.
It’s stimulating and arousing, but it also feels like it’s being done to you - like you have no control over it. And that’s going to put you in the right mindset. So by the time you settle in for some self-love, you’ll be feeling like a horny little kinkster.
Listen to Your BDSM Porn
Masturbating to BDSM porn obviously helps, too. Watching other people submit while you’re pleasuring yourself makes it so much hotter.
But your best bet is BDSM themed audio porn. It’s more immersive. It helps you put yourself in the fantasy.
And even better, it’s the closest you can get to feeling like someone is actually dominating you.
Because that’s basically what happens once you slip the earbuds in and press play. If you’ve found the right creator, you’ll have a commanding voice telling you what to do and leading you through a fantasy.
If you get really into it, you can follow every instruction to the letter - like the good girl you are. And you can even make it feel more interactive by saying things like “yes daddy” every time you’re told what to do.
I find it especially satisfying to listen to kinky audio porn that ends in a countdown. Having someone count me down to an orgasm is the perfect way to make me feel like I’m trying really hard to please them. And if I hit my climax right at zero, it really does feel like they played an active role in getting me off.
There’s really no substitute to having someone actually dominate you. But letting a confident, dominant voice leading you through a fantasy is the next best thing.
Give Yourself a Little Kink
Giving yourself orgasms is easy peasy, especially with a few good toys.
Making yourself feel submissive - that’s way harder. It’s not easy to make yourself feel vulnerable, obedient, and under someone else’s care and control.
But you can at least get off in ways that make you feel kinky and gives you a little taste of submission - even if you’re not submitting to anyone.
It won’t put you into subspace, sadly. But it might be just what you need when a couple of vanilla orgasms doesn’t quite hit the spot.
This post contains affiliate links to some of my favorite kinky sex toys. If you click on one and treat yourself to anything from the site, I earn a small commission and you’ll be giving yourself subbier solo sessions! And be sure to use the code LOVEEMMA at checkout to save 15% on your entire order from Betty’s Toy Box!
If you liked this article, you should totally check out the Getting Sweet After Getting Dirty (Sexual Aftercare, Sub Drop, and Weird Post-Sex Anxiety) episode of my dirty and intimate sex podcast, Pillow Talk With Emma Austin!
