9 Things Guys Who Are Bad in Bed Say
Don’t waste your time with these dudes
You can sometimes tell a guy is going to suck in bed long before you actually sleep with him.
That’s really good, because knowing the signs can save you a lot of trouble and disappointment.
Unfortunately, most of us have to go through a few terrible fucks before we get a good sense of which guys aren’t worth our time.
That’s especially true because guys can be bad in bed in all sorts of different ways.
There are the ones who don’t even seem to try. If their goal is to get you off, there’s really no way to tell.
There are the entitled and demanding ones. They’re most indifferent to consent and don’t mind putting you through emotional distress to get their way.
Then there are the guys who are so caught up in their own worries and insecurities that they end up ruining everyone’s fun.
The thing is, how someone has sex is part of their personality and their character. So, when someone sucks in the sack, it’s going to show in other areas too.
You know that a selfish guy won’t suddenly turn things around once your clothes come off. If he acts bothered every time you need a little help, there’s no way he’s going to spend more than two minutes eating your pussy.
A guy who pushes your boundaries isn’t going to stop when it comes to sex. He’s going to take you saying “maybe” as a yes and he’s going to take you saying “no” as an invitation to try harder.
And if he thinks all women are bitches, there’s no way he’s going to make you feel safe and taken care of when he fucks you.
Over the years, I’ve found that one of the most obvious red flags that a guy is going to suck in bed is how they talk about sex.
If he says these things, get out now and you’ll save yourself from going through a lot of unsatisfying, distressing, or just plain boring sex.
“I Can Make You Come”
I’ve heard a few variations of this one. Sometimes it’s “I can give you the biggest orgasm you’ve ever had” or “I can make you come ten times before we’re done.” My favorite has to be the guy who promised he could make me come in seven seconds.
He ended up making me come in - well, never. He never managed to make me come.
Not having an orgasm is disappointing but it happens. It’s honestly understandable. Sometimes, things don’t click perfectly. Maybe you’re too nervous to get off. Maybe he tried something that worked every single time for his ex-girlfriend and he still needs to figure out how to give your pussy the right kind of pleasure.
But not having an orgasm after you were promised one, that’s a major letdown.
And you will be let down, because guys like that are all talk. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a guy who bragged about how good he is at making a woman come - and then actually making her come.
A guy who really knows how to show a lady a good time will usually let his actions speak for themselves. He’ll flirt with her and turn her on. He’ll seduce her and make her want him. He’ll give her the kind of foreplay that makes her extremely excited to see how he fucks. And then he’ll fuck her senseless.
They know how to underpromise and overdeliver.
If his only move is saying that he’s got moves, that’s a sign that he probably doesn’t have any - none that are worth going out of your way for, anyway.
“I Know What I’m Doing”
Sometimes, a guy will say something like this during sex.
You try to give him a bit of gentle feedback, you ask him to go a bit faster, to slow down a little, or to change things up. And instead of adjusting, he takes it as an insult and gets defensive.
He’ll assure you he knows what he’s doing, like he has a better idea of what your pussy needs than you do.
Basically, he doesn’t know how to listen.
A lot of times, though, a guy will say things like this before you even have sex with him.
You’ll mention that you can’t come from penetration, that you don’t like getting fingered too deep, or that you don’t get turned on by being manhandled. Whatever thing you tell a guy before things start getting hot and heavy.
Instead of taking the note, a guy who won’t listen is convinced he’ll be the one who changes your mind.
Maybe none of your ex-boyfriends could make you come with penetrative sex, but he’ll be able to. His magic dick will fuck you to your first non-clitoral orgasm.
You say you don’t like deep fingering, but you haven’t had the privilege of being worked over by his masterful fingers yet. He’ll show you how good it feels and he’ll make you come too.
And you’ll change your mind about being manhandled when you feel him passionately fondling and groping you.
Except none of that will happen, no matter how much he insists it will. Because all he’s really saying is that he won’t fuck you the way you want to be fucked.
Great sex needs good communication - before you get started, while you’re fucking, and after it’s over. A guy who says this kind of thing is already failing at it.
“Oh, I’ll Do Anything and Everything”
A lot of guys worry that they’re boring in bed, so they exaggerate what they’re into so they can make themselves seem more adventurous.
Sometimes, they’ll pretend to be whatever you want them to be.
If you’re a submissive gal, they’ll claim to be really dominant in the sack even if they can’t pull it off. If you’re into long, intense sex, they’ll claim to like going hard and heavy even if they don’t have the energy for it.
I used to exchange dirty emails with a guy who would constantly talk about how he would eat my muff. He made it sound like he was obsessed with giving oral. When I met up with him, I braced myself for a really fucking good time - but he didn’t put his mouth anywhere near my pussy.
He wanted so badly to sound like a total pussyhound but all he did was get me excited for nothing.
Other times, guys will exaggerate because they’re trying to keep up with a woman who has more experience.
He’ll feel insecure because of all the wild things she’s done or he’ll be intimidated by all the kinks she’s into. So, he implies that he’s into all sorts of things — whatever he thinks is going to make him seem exciting. He’ll talk about fisting her, pissing on her, double teaming her, or eating her ass, even if he has no intention or interest in doing any of that.
When you meet a guy who seems like he’s your perfect sexual match, you have to take it with a bit of suspicion.
Maybe you’re lucky and you met someone who is your exact complement in bed. It happens. I’m married to mine - or at the very least, he’s really close.
But if it seems like you match up a little too precisely, he might be fibbing to keep you interested. And you’re bound to be disappointed when you find out he’s not the kind of screw he claimed to be.
If you can’t find a single sexual preference you disagree on even slightly, proceed with caution.
“Don’t You Trust Me?”
In a sexual context, saying this is nothing more than manipulation.
He’s saying it to coax unearned trust out of you - usually because he wants to push past one of your boundaries.
It’s something I heard a lot from a sexually abusive ex of mine. There were two things he wanted from me that I wasn’t willing to give him. He wanted to fuck me in the ass and he wanted me to swallow his come.
I wasn’t ready to do either of those. And instead of giving me the time I needed to get there or accepting it if I never did, he kept pushing for them.
When I was reluctant or put up any kind of resistance, he’d try to guilt me.
That alone should have tipped me off that things were bad. When a guy tries to cajole you into trusting him, it’s because he hasn’t actually earned your trust and probably doesn’t deserve it.
I stayed in that relationship even though I shouldn’t have. It wasn’t healthy and no matter how much I gave him, he would never be able to give me the safety and love I needed.
And he wouldn’t have been able to give me great sex, either. Because you can’t have really hot, uninhibited, passionate, and pleasurable sex with someone who doesn’t respect your boundaries.
“Every Woman I’ve Had Sex With Has Had an Orgasm”
The first problem with this is that it’s statistically improbable. The orgasm gap is real. So, unless his number is really low, there’s a good chance that he’s banged a few gals who didn’t have a climax.
If his number is high and he thinks he’s got a perfect record, what’s more likely is that he’s been with women who faked it.
And if he’s bragging about it, that means he probably can’t tell the difference between a real and a fake orgasm. There’s a very good chance he hasn’t been terribly attentive to his partners’ pleasure - and won’t really be attentive to yours.
It’s even worse, though, when a guy doesn’t say this when he’s bragging but says it as an accusation.
If you’re having trouble coming or can’t achieve an orgasm, he might drop this line. It’s meant to take the heat off him by implying that there’s something wrong with you. He makes women come and he’s good at it, so if you’re struggling to get off it couldn’t possibly have anything to do with him.
Not only is that an incredibly insecure response, it also puts all the responsibility for your pleasure entirely on you.
He doesn’t have to try harder. He doesn’t have to do anything different. He doesn’t even have to listen to your feedback. You should just be able to come from what he does because no one else has ever had a problem with it.
If he’d rather say something bitchy and defensive instead of putting in a bit more effort or paying attention to what you need, he’s just not going to be a good lay. Get out before it gets serious if you want to avoid lots of unsatisfying sex.
“Do We Really Need to Use a Condom?”
If you’re on some kind of birth control, there are guys who will use that as an excuse not to use condoms.
Even if you’re not on any, some guys will still whine about having to sheathe up.
And that’s frankly fucked up.
If you want to use condoms, that’s something he should be okay with, zero questions asked. The risk of STIs is real. And there’s still a chance you can get knocked up when you’re on the pill or have an IUD.
Trying to pressure someone out of using a condom is really fucking uncool. And making a big fuss about wearing one is super immature. Fucking with a condom doesn’t feel as good for her either, but it’s still sex, it’s still really hot, and you still get to come so there’s no reason to be so annoyed about it.
If he’s weird about you wanting to use condoms, that means he doesn’t really care about making you feel safe. And there’s no way you’re going to be able to have hot, passionate, wild sex with a guy who thinks your comfort doesn’t matter.
Plus, you won’t be able to fully enjoy fucking if you’re spending the entire time worrying about risks you didn’t even want to take.
“Did You Come?”
Guys used to ask me this all the time and it always struck me as completely absurd.
Not because there’s anything wrong with the question itself. I get that some orgasms can be kind of subtle. And maybe if he’s got his fingers pumping fast into her pussy and his face pressed deep into her ass, he might be a little too preoccupied to notice all the signs.
It’s not the question that was absurd. It was the timing.
They would ask me after we were done fucking and I was already fully dressed.
They weren’t asking so they could eat me out to a climax if I hadn’t managed to reach one. They didn’t want to know if I was up for a second round. They weren’t even opening up space so I could get myself off.
They just wanted reassurance.
Guys who ask if you came after everything’s over don’t really care whether you feel spent and satisfied. They don’t want to make sure they give you an orgasm - they want to confirm that they already did.
They’re treating your pleasure like an afterthought because what really matters to them is their ego.
And having those priorities will never result in impressive, mind-blowing, or deeply connected sex.
So, if he asks you if you came once your panties are already back on, you might want to think twice about fucking him again.
“I’ve Got a Huge Dick”
Guys who brag about the size of their cocks are usually pretty bad at using them.
Basically, they think the size is going to do all the work. Because it’s long and girthy, you should be turned on by the very thought of it. And the size alone is going to carry you to orgasm after orgasm.
For one thing, that’s not actually how sex works. A big dick can get you off, but it can also be a challenge. It can make sex more difficult, make certain positions more uncomfortable, and blowing one isn’t exactly effortless.
If he’s cocky about his size, there’s a good chance he doesn’t think he’ll need to make accommodations for it. And that means you might end up having painful, uncomfortable sex.
If he’s putting the emphasis on his size, he also probably won’t spend a lot of time on the things that actually make or break a woman’s sexual experience.
Because he’s expecting his thick dick to do all the heavy lifting, he probably won’t rub your pussy enough, he might not eat you out at all, and he might expect more cock worship than you’re actually into.
If other people excitedly tell you about how big his cock is, that’s not a terrible sign. If he’s got a reputation for packing big and not just a string of disappointed one-night stands, then you might just have a really good time with him.
And if you pull down his underwear and are surprised by how huge he is, that’s not necessarily a bad thing either. You might not have the effortless, easy sex you were hoping for but you can still have an incredibly pleasurable and satisfying night.
But if he wants to make sure that you know his dick is big because he thinks that’s more likely to get him laid, he’s probably only going to leave you sore and unsatisfied.
“I Bet if My Dick Was Bigger, You’d Be More Excited”
The guys who complain about their dicks being small are basically just as bad as the guys who brag about theirs being big.
There are guys who think their size is the source of all their problems.
They’re convinced that they could be more confident and bag more women if they had a big, swinging dong.
When their girlfriends lose interest in fucking them, or won’t fuck them as often as they wish they did, they’re convinced it would be different if they had a few more inches.
And they assume sex with them isn’t as good as it could be because they have an average or below-average sized cock.
These guys are basically self-sabotagers. They’re so insecure about their dick size and complain about it so much that they end up worse off for it.
They let it kill their confidence, which makes them less attractive. They sometimes end up bitter toward women because they’re convinced every single one of them is a secret size queen. And they’re convinced they can’t satisfy a woman because they believe the three, four, five, whatever number of inches they have could never be enough.
Sadly, that last part is true. They probably can’t satisfy a woman. But it’s not because of their size - it’s because of the emphasis they place on it.
Just like guys who brag about their size, guys who complain about theirs usually think that a big dick is the only thing that will really make a woman come and give her intense, mindblowing sex.
Because they don’t have one, though, they get a defeatist attitude. They assume you can’t have great sex with them, so they won’t go out of their way to rock your world. Why would they even try if they just don’t size up?
Needless to say, sex with a guy like that will leave you disappointed and it won’t have anything to do with the size of his cock - just his attitude toward it.
Get the Great Sex You Deserve
There are lots of guys who are incredible in bed. Because, honestly, it doesn’t take much for sex to be really fucking fun and satisfying.
As long as a guy is attentive, giving, at least somewhat secure, and willing to explore and be vulnerable, you’re probably going to have a great time.
Don’t settle for sex that bores you or disappoints you. Don’t settle for guys who are selfish in bed or put their ego above your pleasure. And never, ever settle for boundary pushers who leave you feeling violated.
Move on and find someone who will make you feel safe, treat you right, and make you come really fucking hard.
The best way to avoid wasting time on a guy who sucks in the sack is to own a great vibrator. I personally love the Pillow Talk Sultry wand. It’s versatile, has a great shape, and will get you off extremely well! That’s an affiliate link, by the way. If you click on it and treat yourself to anything from the site, I earn a small commission. And be sure to use the code LOVEEMMA to save 15% on your entire order!
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