I’m Two Different Types of Pillow Princess
And I’ve been struggling to accept both
I couldn’t bring myself to tell him what I really wanted.
We’d have all this pillow talk about our sex fantasies.
He’d check in with me to see how I wanted to get fucked.
He’d ask if there was anything I secretly wished he would do to me.
Those conversations were all very exciting, but they also made me nervous. I wanted to share every dirty thought and every weird little turn on I’ve ever had. But I wasn’t brave enough to be a completely open book.
Instead, I gave him what I thought were safe answers.
All true, mind you. But safe.
I told him that dirty talk would really excite me. I asked him to try rubbing my pussy super slowly - even slower than he thinks he should. I admitted that I wished he were more passionate when he fucked me - not quite rough, but not as gentle as he was either.
What I didn’t tell him is that I just wanted to lie there and take it.
I wanted to be still and passive while he had his way with me. I wanted him to play with my body while I did nothing except enjoy every moment of it.
I wanted to be his pillow princess so badly. I just couldn’t bring myself to ask for it.
Because thinking about it would get me really aroused, but trying to talk myself into actually doing it just made me feel guilty.
And that’s something I’ve had a really hard time getting over.
First, It Was a Kink
I felt almost embarrassed for even wanting it. Like there was something wrong with my fantasies.
Looking for advice online didn’t help, either.
There are some pillow princesses out there for sure, but there seemed to be a whole lot more people complaining about them. People who insisted that pillow princesses were being greedy in the sack. That it’s just a cutesy name for being a bad fuck. Or that it’s some kind of red flag that she’s not into you anymore.
That never seemed fair to me and I knew it wasn’t true. Still, it didn’t help me feel better about the kind of sex I was craving.
But no amount of guilt or embarrassment could keep me from wanting it. I couldn’t help it.
Especially because it didn’t feel like it was coming from a selfish place. If anything, it felt like a kink. Something that tickled my submissive fancy and lit up the part of me that wants to be used - but used in a respectful kind of way.
I started exploring it when I discovered sleep porn.
If you’ve been a Pornhub user for a while, you’ve probably seen at least one or two. They all feature women who are pretending to be asleep and men who try to have their way with them without waking them up.
They touch them very discreetly. Then not so discreetly. Eventually, they start fucking them slowly.
By that point, it’s hard to imagine any of those dudes still think their sleeping beauties are zonked out. But it didn’t matter to me - I was already hella fucking turned on by the way they touched them so carefully and patiently. The way they built up to it slowly. And the intense tension of someone tenderly fondling tits like he’s scared he’ll set off a booby trap.
I wasn’t just horny, though. I was downright jealous. Because I really wanted that, too. I wanted to play pretend naptime just like those girls did. It just looked so fucking satisfying.
The same thing happened when I got curious about sex dolls. I looked for videos of guys using them and it was even better than I imagined.
The way they used those dolls so lovingly. How dirty and tender they were with them. The way they dirty talked so much you almost forgot that only one of them actually has a voice.
I couldn’t watch for very long without wishing I was the doll.
It took me a while to fully understand why, but I think it’s a few different things.
For one thing, it made all those guys seem really fucking hot. Being giving is an extremely attractive quality in a man, and the kind of enthusiastic selflessness you see in a pillow princess fucker is sexy as hell.
Like, a guy who eats pussy is great. But a guy who eats it like it’s all he wants to do - that will really get your heart racing.
There’s also a lot of restraint involved, and that’s a big part of the fun.
If you’ve never tried being a pillow princess, you probably don’t realize how hard it can be sometimes. When the action is really good, you get all sorts of urges. You want to get on your hands and knees and beg to get fucked. You want to stroke that cock in appreciation for all the amazing stimulation you’re getting. The people pleaser in you tries really hard to to convince you to give eager, sloppy head.
But you have to force yourself to hold back. And holding back like that can be so arousing it’ll make you forget how to breathe.
And then there’s the fact that I can take it all in without having to think about anything else.
Not having to think about what to do next, not having to worry about my technique, and not needing to do all sorts of stuff to keep the action going means I don’t have to break my concentration. I can stay focused on every subtle little feeling. I can enjoy every teensy bit of stimulation I might not notice if I was keeping my hands busy. I can let all sorts of dirty thoughts and fantasies run through my mind.
It turns my brain into a pile of sex mush, and I fucking love it.
So, that’s what I kept telling myself. I tried to ignore all the self-conscious thoughts I had about being a pillow princess and remind myself that it’s just a kink like any other.
Some people get off on being tied up and spanked. Some ladies love to hotwife their way into a vast assortment of dick. Some women want to get doggyfucked while they’re playing their Nintendo Switch and ignoring their partner.
And girls like me just want to get manhandled lovingly once in a while.
Thinking of it that way helped me come to terms with all my passive desires. It helped me embrace all the different pillow princess fantasies I wanted to start working into my sex life.
But sadly, it didn’t stay that way for good.
Then, It Was a Necessity
My sex drive has this nasty little habit of crashing.
And when it does, all my nasty thoughts go with it.
The part of my brain that wants to have sex shuts down and all that’s left is a little quiet part that can maybe be talked into getting off - as long as it’s easy enough.
I still want to be a pillow princess when my libido’s low, but the vibe is totally different.
It doesn’t feel like a kink anymore.
I’m not daydreaming about how hot it would be to have my mouth fucked softly while there are fingers inside me. I stop getting instantly turned on at the thought of using a remote control sex toy to turn me into a sex puppet. Even getting tied down and fucked by a sex machine starts to sound like a lot of work.
When I’m struggling to get in the mood, being a pillow princess feels a lot more like a compromise. It’s less of an intense desire and more like the only thing I can bring myself to do.
I don’t have the sexual energy for a big, long filthy fuckfest. I can’t get in the mood for all sorts of porny shenanigans. And without my mojo, I don’t ever get to experience the amazing intensity of double penetration.
But sometimes I can do a pussy massage.
If that pussy massage goes really well, I might want my husband’s dick inside me. Nothing fancy, though. Just some good, simple spooning until I’m all tapped out.
And let me tell you something. If I felt guilty about wanting to be a pillow princess for kinky reasons, you bet your sweet buns that I feel a whole bunch of guilt about not being able to get my lady boner up for anything else.
It’s really fucking fun to choose to be a passive princess. But needing it because it’s my only option just made me feel like a selfish starfish.
I haven’t managed to get over that feeling yet, but I’m sure as hell trying.
Because I still want to be able to say yes to playing the pillow princess when it’s all I can manage. It’s a compromise, but sometimes that’s better than having no sexual intimacy at all. I like having the option to have a little bit of hanky panky and a couple of orgasms instead of just completely shutting it all down.
But I’ll have to get comfortable with that before I can say yes to it more often.
It’s not ideal, of course. If I’m going to lie there and take it, I’d rather feel like a horny fuckdoll than just some girl who could kind of go for some pussy rubs.
But yeah, if there are pussy rubs available I’d still like to get some.
Now, It’s a Bit of Both
So I’m two different flavors of pillow princess. It’ll be vanilla or spicy, depending on my overall mood.
And honestly, I think both are perfectly fine.
I do struggle with my hangups about pillow princessing. I’m still trying to get over the voice in the back of my mind that has a lot of rude things to say about it.
It helps that I’m a lot more open about it these days. With my husband - who’s into that sort of thing, which is nice. And now I guess with you, too.
Hopefully, that helps me work through the guilt.
Because even though I feel funny about it sometimes, I know there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being a pillow princess.
It can be really kinky and playful. It can be off-the-charts arousing and deeply satisfying. It can be some of the most intimate sex you can have.
Then other times it’s just the thing that gets you fooling around with someone you love. And that’s really good too.
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If you liked this article, you should totally check out the Hot Pussy Eating Positions (Doing It Standing and Eating It From the Back) episode of my dirty and intimate sex podcast, Pillow Talk With Emma Austin!
