I Gave Myself Death Grip

I thought I broke my clit



Seven months ago, I really fucked myself — in more ways than one.

I masturbated so often and so hard that I gave myself legit physical injuries.

I hurt my wrists. At one point, I hurt my shoulder. And I hurt the hell out of my clit.

Normally, I can hold back or stop before I hurt myself, but I was on a new hormonal treatment. It worked well for a while — really well. I was hornier than I’d ever been my entire life. Even my teenage libido would’ve been jealous.

It didn’t help that I had New Relationship Energy as well. I had been exchanging a lot of dirty emails with someone I was getting to know and I was practically powerless against my baser instincts.

I was masturbating about seven times a day. I wasn’t gentle about it, either.

My clit felt like it had been rubbed raw, but that didn’t stop me. I kept going harder even though I knew I was making it worse.

I couldn’t keep away from myself. One night, I spent two hours fucking my husband. He had to leave when we heard the baby cry on the monitor. I barely waited for the door to shut before I grabbed my vibrator and jilled off.

I had felt insatiable at other points in my life, but this was just too fucking much.

I struggled to get my work done. I had plenty of inspiration (being hornier than a she-goat meant endless blog post ideas) but I had zero concentration. I had to actively resist the urge to masturbate, and I could barely string two sentences together because I couldn’t stop thinking about sex.

That was bad enough, but then the real problems started.

I noticed I was having fewer orgasms. And the ones I did have were a lot harder to achieve. I kept getting to a point where there was only one way I could get off: flipping over onto my stomach and grinding my vibrator.

At first, it only happened while I masturbated. But then it started happening when I fucked my husband, too.

His tongue worked hard and worked overtime. He was doing all the things that usually make me come and make me come quickly, but I still couldn’t get there.

Nothing was working. It felt good, but it was also incredibly frustrating.

I was always on the edge of coming. I just needed one little push to get over that edge and climax, but nothing could bring me there. My orgasms were always tantalizingly close but just out of my reach.

More than once, I had to just call it. I’d ask him to stop because I knew I wouldn’t get anywhere no matter how hard we tried.

I had painted myself into an orgasmic corner and I hated it. I’ve always had premature orgasms. Coming is something that came easy to me. As far as problems go, it’s a really good one to have. Now, I had completely rewired myself.

There were times before when Mr. Austin couldn’t go soft or slow enough for me because the slightest stimulation would get me off. I wasn’t used to struggling the way I was after my extended masturbation binge.

I wanted to go back to being more sensitive. It felt a lot better and I definitely prefer being able to come from penetration and oral sex instead of only reaching my climax with my vibrator.

In my more pessimistic moments, I worried I had broken my clit. Maybe I’d never go back to having easy Os. Maybe I would always struggle. Maybe satisfying orgasms from my partner would mostly be a thing of the past.

But I wasn’t giving up without a fight. I did some research and came up with a game plan. If I was going to fix my clit lock, I was going to have to be serious about it.

It took some work and a lot of patience, but I managed to get my sensitivity back. With time, I could come from sex, come from oral, and come frequently.

Here are the steps that got me there.

I Went Back to Basics

The first thing I had to do was give up on my rabbit. I masturbated as often as I wanted to, but I only allowed myself to use my hands.

I’m a big advocate of using sex toys to maximize your pleasure. But clearly, I had gone too far. It wasn’t easy to say goodbye to my vibrators, but I needed drastic measures if I as going to get back to my old self.

Of course, it wasn’t permanent. As soon as I got over my addiction to vibration I would start introducing toys again. But if I didn’t want to spend the entire summer with death grip, I had to stick to basic stimulation.

I Took My Time

I could get off with my fingers, but it took a lot longer than it normally did.

I had to set myself up with a lot of time and make sure I had uninterrupted privacy. I went slowly and tried not to think about the goal too much — I’d get there when I’d get there.

It was sometimes frustrating — the whole time, I was highly aware I could reach into my nightstand for a toy that could get me off in under two minutes.

My fingers got sore, too, because I have arthritis (it’s in remission but I still have a lot weakness in my joints). That made it tougher. It was hard for me to get in a good rhythm, and even harder for me to sustain it long enough.

But I’d always get there eventually, and that’s what counts. I needed a different way to come. Once I retrained my body to come from manual stimulation, then I could work on coming more quickly.

I Used Lube

Lube doesn’t just make everything smoother and slipperier — it also increases physical sensitivity. That helps when you’re struggling to come.

Keeping silicone lube on hand made it easier for me to reach orgasm. It also helped me think twice before reaching for my vibrator. Silicone lube is no good for most silicone toys, so slicking myself up with it helped me stay the course with my fingers.

I Masturbated in Different Positions

I gave myself death grip by grinding my vibrator while lying prone on my stomach. If I was going to get better, I’d have to switch things up.

I do sometimes end up face-down when I’m getting fucked (you know, if my day goes really well), but I still wanted to be able to come while I was on my back, on my side, and on my knees.

So, in addition to giving up my favorite vibrator, I also had to give up my go-to masturbation style. Until I was fixed, I would only get myself off while lying on my back.

I Used My Imagination

Instead of getting off to porn or some random fantasy, I would close my eyes and imagine it was my husband’s fingers getting me off.

He gets me off in a lot more ways than I use when I’m by myself. So, picturing him doing it made the bare-handed stimulation feel more familiar and natural.

Unlocking My Clit — At Least for Now

After a few weeks of retraining, I managed to unlock my clit. My death grip was thankfully temporary, and because I hadn’t been clit locked for that long, it didn’t take a very long time to fix.

But NRE is one powerful bitch. A few months later I found myself getting dirty with another new person and I was back to jilling off like a lonely teenager.

I went too hard, too fast, and too often. And I found myself in the same position I was in before: lying on my back with my husband’s face between my legs, wondering why the fuck I wasn’t getting anywhere.

So, I went back through the steps.

This time, I didn’t give up on my vibrator, not completely. But I did ease off on it. I tried different toys and used different types of stimulation. I went easier on my clit and gave myself plenty of time to climax.

After going through that whole process, I finally got my sensitivity back.

And if I can just learn my goddamn lesson this time, I might never lose it again.