My Doctor Warned Me DHEA Would Make Me Horny

Is this what it’s like to be a teenage boy?

Seeing a new doctor and getting on new medication is becoming routine for me. My chronic illness has so many symptoms no doctor is entirely sure what my illness even is (and the confident ones disagree with each other).

My new doctor prescribed DHEA, a hormone that my adrenal glands should produce naturally but that is lacking in my system.

If everything goes according to plan, it should convert to testosterone and relieve my fatigue, brain fog, joint pain, and the hundred other little things that make my life a daily challenge.

She ran through the side effects, warned me about the headaches I’ll probably be suffering through, and then added “Oh, and I should also tell you the most commonly reported side effect is high libido.”

“Most people don’t mind that one at all,” she added with a grin.

My Sex Drive Is on Neutral Gear

My symptoms started showing up early in adulthood. When my energy levels crashed, my libido crashed, too.

After some very, very horny teenage years, my sex drive was stuck on neutral gear. At my lowest point, I didn’t even have my foot on the pedal.

I didn’t lose interest in sex - not even close. I just didn’t have any desire to engage in it.

I wanted to want sex, but I just couldn’t get past that.

Ovulation usually gave me a little flash of horniness. But for the most part, I couldn’t get excited or aroused.

So, when my doctor warned me that DHEA would make me horny, I took it with a grain of salt.

I tried practically everything to rev up my sex drive and I was let down every single time.

She was right about the headaches. I started getting those almost immediately.

The libido took longer, but it did come. And it came hard.

I always heard jokes about wives faking headaches to get out of sex. But there’s no way in hell I was going to let my headaches stop me. The dull, pulsing ache in my temples is nothing compared to the pulsing I feel, uhm, elsewhere.

I’m on Fire

I’ve been taking DHEA for two weeks now and I feel like I’m on fucking fire.

I get aroused by practically anything. When the clothes I wear brushes against my skin, I get a little thrill. Looking at an eggplant would probably make me wet. It’s still too cold outside to find out, but I’m willing to bet a warm breeze could give me an orgasm at this point.

There’s no way to fit enough flame emojis in a single tweet to represent how horny I feel.

The DHEA is supposed to help my brain fog, but I can’t tell if it has because I’m constantly distracted. I can’t focus on anything for long before my thoughts to turn to sex. I keep thinking about dicks and tits, womanly curves and manly hands and forearms.

I’m spending so much time on the dirtier subreddits I’m starting to worry my phone will overheat and die.

But the worst is how vulnerable I’ve become. I’m putty in my husband’s hands. I chose those words deliberately - all he has to do is squeeze my body and my breathing gets heavy, my knees get weak, and I practically beg him to put it in me.

I’ve been called easy before. But this is, like, cheat code easy.

I’m starting to worry I’ll wear Mr. Austin out and I’ve been masturbating so much I hurt my shoulder (don’t ask).

How Do Teenage Boys Get Anything Done?

I used to spend most of my days fluctuating between a 1 and 2 (mostly 1) on the horniness scale.

Now, I’m constantly going between a 4 and 5 (mostly 5).

Mr. Austin has a very active sex drive, so I asked him if this is what it’s like being him. He told me it’s a little bit more like him as a teenager.

How the hell do teenage boys get anything done?

According to him, you just learn to live with it. You find ways to do your homework and chores while ignoring your raging erection. You find ways to mentally multi-task so you can hold down a regular conversation with your friends while wondering, somewhere in the back of your mind, what the odds are that one of the housewives on your paper route will pull you into their living room to give you an extra generous tip.

“Besides,” he added, “our intense horniness is kept in line by our powerful desire to be cool. That helps.”

Well, I honestly don’t care about being cool, so I don’t know what I’m going to do. But if my libido stays this high I’ll have to come up with strategies so I can continue living a normal life.

Hopefully, Mr. Austin can coach me on handling horniness. I don’t really mind being DTF all day and every day. I just don’t want to do something that gets me banned from the PTA.

Getting Reacquainted with Myself

I’ve been living with chronic illness for so long it’s just become who I am.

But I always have a sense that there’s the Real Me somewhere underneath all these issues.

The Real Me is the woman I’d be if my hormones were balanced. It’s who I would be.

She’s a bit thinner because she doesn’t have hormonal imbalances that keep her from managing her weight.

She’s more fun to be around because there’s no brain fog preventing her from having a normal conversation.

She’s a better mom because she doesn’t have fatigue issues that keep her stuck in bed or laying on the sofa instead of taking her kids for a walk, playing with them, or preparing their meals.

And she’s got a very tired but highly satisfied husband because she doesn’t have abnormally low hormone levels giving her the libido of a potato.

Most of my symptoms haven’t improved yet. Fatigue is still an issue. I can’t really focus. I have the joint pain and grip strength of a woman at least twice my age.

But being horny again reminds me of what it’s like to be the Real Me. I don’t know if it will last. But it feels good to be myself again.