I Love the Sound of Sex

But I once shamed my boyfriend into being quiet

I gave my first handjob when I was 16.

After agreeing to do it with my first boyfriend, we laid on his parents’ bed and he pulled out his cock.

I admired the way it stood erect. It was so much taller and larger than I expected. I had seen porn before, but having an actual hard-on in my presence was an entirely different experience.

I didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t even know what I was supposed to be doing. I knew I’d eventually be giving hand sex to a cock, but with one actually gripped in my hand, I realized I had so many unanswered questions - questions I didn’t even know to ask.

Do I just stroke the shaft or do I touch the head, too?

Was I supposed to pump it fast or stroke it gently?

How firm was I supposed to hold it? Would a tight grip hurt him?

And I wasn’t even close to thinking about whether I should do anything with his balls.

I went with what felt like the safest option. I took it in my hand and slowly stroked his shaft up and down.

Not having a clue what to do made me so self-conscious. I enjoyed exploring his dick and discovering a new hobby I could really get into. But instead of just immersing myself in the experience, I spent a lot of time second-guessing the way I was jerking him off.

I must have done something right, because he moaned quite loudly. Being the shy girl I was, I didn’t know how to react to him making noise other than to giggle.

And as if that giggle wasn’t bad enough, I then decided to tease him for being so loud. I guess I thought it would take attention away from my lack of skill.

I kept stroking him until he came. But I never heard another sound coming from his mouth while we fooled around.

My first time fooling around with a guy and I already managed to break him.

That’s a shame, really, because I love the sounds people make during sex.

Porn for the Ears

I was 16 when I first made a guy moan, but that’s not the first time I got hot from listening to the sounds of sex.

My first memory of it is when I was 12. We were on the road for a family vacation and staying the night in a hotel.

Everyone was sound asleep, except for me. I was up in the middle of the night, listening to a couple fucking loudly in the room next to ours.

She squealed with delight. He groaned in appreciation of whatever she was doing to him. Their headboard bumped against the wall.

It was hot as hell.

I got so horny hearing these two strangers fuck that I ended up masturbating while listening.

I was surprised at how much I loved it. I knew watching porn could help people get off, but until that night I had no idea listening to sex could be just as hot.

Sadly, that was an extremely rare occasion for me. I’ve gone through the rest of my life almost never having the opportunity to hear anyone fucking (unless I was fucking them, of course).

My parents’ bootlegged satellite channels provided me with a steady dose of hardcore porn, and it could certainly get loud but it was still missing something. Even when I felt safe enough to not hit the mute button, I only ever heard one performer.

Most of the actresses couldn’t act well enough to even be extras in a movie. They dolled themselves up and donned costumes, but you still had a hard time believing they were really college cheerleaders, overly flirty nurses, or even bored housewives. (I’ve been a bored housewife and let me tell you, it’s not a hard role to pull off.)

But as soon as they came anywhere near a dick, they would moan, squeal, and scream like theater actresses trained to project their voices.

The guys, meanwhile, were practically absent. Once the action got going, you barely saw their faces. At times, you’d barely see anything but their dicks, like they were just disembodied sex organs. And invariably, you couldn’t hear them.

They were quiet and stoic. I admire not wanting to steal the scene from their female counterparts, but horny ol’ me wanted to hear them enjoy themselves.

Hardcore porn almost never delivered that for me. What did was a show called Night Calls.

Night Calls was a call-in show that aired on Playboy TV. It was sort of like the shows hosted by Sue Johanson, except Sue never masturbated on air and the people calling her never sounded like they were doing themselves, either.

The people calling in to Night Calls shared their sexual fantasies in explicit details, most of them audibly pleasuring themselves at the same time.

I loved watching porn whenever I was alone in the house. But I would check to see if Night Calls was on first. I always chose hearing guys moan and groan over the phone instead of male performers boning down in silence.

And yet, guys boning in silence is basically what was in store for me.

The Silent Type

Most of the guys I slept with were very quiet.

Mr. Austin was a bit louder than them, more enthusiastic, but he was still a little too quiet for my liking.

I know it’s probably because some nonsensical masculine attitude made these guys think that they were supposed to be quiet.

In fact, that’s exactly what Mr. Austin told me was his reason. He had heard enough jokes about guys making stupid faces and awkward sounds while climaxing that he figured women were turned off by guys who got a little too excited during sex.

Yep, men can be so dumb, and my dear husband is no exception.

I never assumed that was the reason, though. I had (and have!) low self-esteem. So, I figured I knew exactly what was really going on.

Making noise during sex is a show of enjoyment, so the silence I was getting from these guys was their one-star review.

I figured even years after my first attempt at a handjob, all that quiet sex was just proof I still didn’t know how to properly handle a dick.

Meanwhile, I was the one picking up the slack. I moaned. I gasped. I let out the occasional “oh my God” when something inspired that much fervor.

My loudness was in proportion to how much pleasure I was feeling, but I still made a decent amount of sound even during some lackluster fuck sessions.

Loud girl. Quiet guy. It was like I was living out the porn I used to watch, but not in a good way.

Pump Up the Volume

I never directly addressed Mr. Austin’s relative silence during sex. I don’t think I would have ever been comfortable doing that.

Honestly, I couldn’t bring myself to ask “Why aren’t you moaning during sex?” Even though Mr. Austin is kind and tactful and knows how to handle my irrational insecurities better than I do, I still worried that his answer would be “Because you’re not that good!”

And requesting a little more noise on his end wouldn’t have been much better. It would have been like asking for a compliment instead of earning one.

But then I started writing erotica. And the guys in my erotic stories groaned, moaned, grunted, and made all sorts of appreciative noises while getting jerked, sucked, and fucked.

Mr. Austin’s a writer and editor by trade, so I asked him to look over my drafts and give me advice. He had a few tips, but he also picked one up himself. After reading my smut, sex with him got a little more audible.

And he really got the picture after we started watching more porn together. I switch videos often because the guy in it just won’t make a peep.

I’m glad he’s not so reserved in bed anymore. Not just for my sake (though I do love the sound of him getting off) but for his, too. Being as vocal as you want is just part of the fun.

It’s also a great way to give and get feedback. I don’t know that I’m amazing at giving head or anything, but by listening to the way my husband moans in response to my mouth and my tongue is teaching me how to give him the sensations he enjoys the most.

Don’t get me wrong, quiet sex has its place. It can be an amazing experience, especially when you’re making a game out of it. And ball gags exist for a reason - being quiet (or made to be quiet) is just some people’s jam.

But generally speaking, I love sex that’s loud.

And that’s why I feel so bad for what I did to my first boyfriend.

I mean, I can’t bring myself to feel that bad for him because he was kind of an asshole and didn’t treat me with the basic love and care any 16 year old deserves.

But I feel bad for his subsequent partners. Instead of loud, ecstatic moans, they probably didn’t hear much more than breathing while fucking or fooling around with him.

So, if you’re quiet during sex because someone you dated or hooked up with made fun of you for it, let me assure you that it was probably more about them than you.

Most people love hearing their partners make noise. So go ahead, let loose, and be your loud, sexy self.

If you liked this article, you should totally check out the Treat That Clit Right (Clit Balms, Liquid Vibrators, and the Right Way to Rub It) episode of my dirty and intimate sex podcast, Pillow Talk With Emma Austin!