How to Eat Pussy Like You're Starving
It’s more than just ravishing the clit
Oral sex came late to me. The guys I hooked with never went down on me. My boyfriends didn’t, either. And I was way too shy to ask for something like that.
I did date one guy who was a little more promising. He would send me dirty emails, telling me how much he wanted to eat my muff (his words).
But then we’d get together and his mouth would never go anywhere near my muff.
Bummer.
Sadly, my experience isn’t that unusual. I’ve heard from a lot of women who have been through the same thing. They meet guys who brag about how much they love to eat pussy. Some of them claim they could eat a girl out for hours. A lot of them even say they love going down on a woman more than they like getting their cocks sucked
And just like my fake muff diver, most of these guys turn out to be all talk.
Not because they won’t spend hours eating pussy or turn down blowjobs to give their tongues a workout, but because they barely do it at all. Sometimes, you have to practically beg them for a few quick licks.
My husband never bragged about eating pussy when I met him.
He didn’t think he had to. He just took it for granted. “It’s just a regular part of sex, isn’t it?” he told me once, a little naively.
But I’m happy he feels that way, because he was the first guy to show me what it’s like to get properly eaten out. It was immediately enjoyable. As soon as I felt his tongue lapping against my labia, I knew I’d want a lot more of this kind of thing.
It only got better over time. Mr. Austin came into my life with some experience, and I gave him plenty more over the years.
Now, oral is the center of my sex life.
It’s one of my favorite ways to get off and consistently gives me strong orgasms. It’s as important to me as penetration (but please don’t make me choose).
As a fan of oral, it upsets me when I see a lot of misconceptions and terrible advice floating around online.
Some of it is just overly simplistic, like good oral is just about pinpointing the clit and doing whatever the fuck to it.
Some of it makes me wonder if guys writing it ever put their methods to the test.
All of it is a missed opportunity to dole out some genuinely useful advice.
So, I did some research of my own, consulted Mr. Austin about his technique, and helped myself to quite a bit of experimenting. If you’re totally new to oral or you want to up your game, this guide should help.
Work Up to It
Your tongue is soft, wet, and you can use it very gently. But that doesn’t mean you should jump right in and start licking your lady’s pussy without any build up.
Pussy eating is usually considered foreplay, but it needs some foreplay of its own.
Yeah, you can enjoy it without any preparation, but it’s just not as fun.
When we skip the prep work, my inner thighs and outer labia are really ticklish. Because of that, a lot of the stimulation that would normally arouse me feel more distracting than pleasurable.
It’s not a hopeless situation - I always get there eventually. But when it starts too abruptly, I usually struggle to get off, and when I do it’s almost never as satisfying.
Save yourself the extra work by prepping her before you go down. Get her going with makeout sessions and sensual massages, hip squeezes and gentle nipple tugs.
Beards and Stubble
Keep your facial hair in mind before you get started. Clean, smooth shaves and full beards are fine — it’s all the things in between that can cause problems.
If you’re licking at a woman’s clit, your chin is getting up close and personal with her. If you’ve got stubble or a short beard, it can irritate her vulva. That’s not a pleasant sensation at all, and it’s hard to focus on the pleasure you’re getting when you’re being scratched up at the same time.
You can give yourself a fresh shave or just be mindful of what you’re doing. While you’re keeping your tongue busy, pay attention to your chin and make sure you put a little distance between your stubble and her very, very sensitive skin.
Eat It Like You Mean It
If there’s one thing that distinguishes good oral from mediocre oral, it’s attitude.
You need to approach it with enthusiasm, not out of a sense of obligation or because you’re hoping to get a blowjob in return.
Eating pussy like you’re starving will make a big difference even if you don’t have a lot of experience.
That hungry attitude will help put her at ease. Women grow up with a lot of shame about their bodies and not a whole lot of opportunities to feel good about what they have between their legs. Even if she has great hygiene and a pornstar pussy, she might still feel self-conscious about it. Your enthusiasm can help her override those insecurities.
I felt that way about myself when I met Mr. Austin. But he assured me that he wasn’t doing me a favor — he really, really wanted to eat me out. That gave me the confidence to spread my legs and just enjoying what his mouth could do to me.
Your enthusiasm also changes the entire vibe. It’s really hard to get off when you feel like someone’s just pleasuring you because they think they should. But having someone between your thighs who makes it obvious there’s nowhere else they’d rather be is super fucking sexy.
Don’t Pressure Yourself
She needs to feel relaxed, but so do you. Putting too much pressure on yourself can fuck up your performance and ruin your enjoyment.
Making her come might be your goal, but focusing on it too much can be distracting. It can make you impatient. It can make you go too hard, too fast, or try what you think are tried and true formulas instead of just getting into it.
If you start to feel the pressure, just change your focus. Instead of trying to make her come, just try to make her feel good (which isn’t that hard when your tongue is licking up her lips). Even better, just tell yourself to have fun — be playful and use your tongue to explore her pussy.
She’ll come or she won’t, but at least this way you’ll give her a good ride before getting her off some other way.
The Clit Isn’t a Magic Button
Okay, so I need to make a little confession here. I didn’t do such a great job the first (and only) time I ate pussy.
Tons of advice out there implies that eating pussy is a simple two-step process: find the clit and lick it hard.
That’s mostly wrong. The clit isn’t some magic button that activates an orgasm.
I knew that, but it’s still what I did when confronted with pussy for the first time. I spread her lips, placed my tongue at her clit, and started licking as hard as I could. Rookie mistake.
The problem with attacking the clit too early is that it makes the whole experience less enjoyable. Maybe it’s different for women who are less sensitive, but my clit doesn’t take too kindly to it.
When there’s too much intensity too soon, I get desensitized. My clit goes a bit numb. Everything that comes after is a bit less pleasurable and I have a hard time reaching a climax. When I do have an orgasm, it’s not usually a very strong one.
So what should you do instead? Well, lick around. There’s a lot more vulva for you to explore. Keep your tongue busy with the labia majora (outer lips), labia minora (inner lips), and teasing around the clit. You’ll eventually make it to the clit, but with so much more ground to cover there’s really no need to rush.
Your Tongue Has Two Modes
Your tongue is a muscle and a pretty impressive and precise one at that. You can change its shape and firmness depending on what you do with it.
Think of it as having two modes. You can keep it flat, soft, and relaxed, or you can make it firmer and more pointed.
Both of them are good. Use them to add variety to what you’re doing. You can give two completely different sensations by licking the same places in different ways.
Start Slow (And Consider Ending Slow)
I know I said you should eat pussy like you’re starving, but I don’t mean you need to start devouring her. Think of it more like sitting down a three course meal.
Start slow. You need to give her a chance to build her arousal and work her way up to a climax. Once she’s getting closer, then you can start increasing your speed.
You don’t have to, though. I’ve had some really good orgasms from some fast licking, but I’ve also had some bed-shaking ones from being lapped at a slow and steady rhythm.
Increase the Pressure as You Go
Pressure is the same as speed. Start with too much and it feels like you’re jumping ahead. It’s better to have a build up.
When the pressure comes too soon, so do I.
My orgasms are weaker and less satisfying. They’re good — but they’re much better when the pressure increases gradually.
Remind yourself that you’re going for quality, not speed. Getting her off quickly isn’t as impressive as getting her off really well.
Like speed, though, I don’t necessarily need the pressure to intensify to get off. I can get off with a soft stimulation all the way.
Sucking Her Clit Is a Big Maybe
Clit sucking is one of those things that a lot of guys consider their killer cunnilingus move.
This is a controversial one, and again seems to mostly come down to clit sensitivity.
My clit can’t handle suction. I find it so unpleasant that I wrote a whole article about it. But some women swear by it.
So, if you want to try sucking her clit, approach it very tentatively. Give it a very gentle and brief suck and gauge her reaction. If you can’t tell, ask her if she liked it. Unless she gives you the green light, don’t keep going or you might start to spoil it for her.
Tongue Fucking Isn’t for Most People
Tongue fucking is a little less controversial. Some women like it, but as far as I can tell, most don’t.
I consider it just fine. I’ve had Mr. Austin slip his tongue into me and fuck me with it. It just didn’t do much for me.
Like clit sucking, do this one tentatively. Give a few tongue thrusts and gauge the reaction.
It might bore her or it might thrill her, but you might not know unless you get your tongue in there and find out. And she might not know how she feels about it, either, until you try it. A little exploring never hurt — just be ready to pull back and move on if it’s not getting good results.
Avoid Falling into a Routine
There’s no step-by-step process for good oral sex. It’s a lot more about enthusiasm, exploration, responsiveness, and a basic understanding of what sorts of sensations feel good.
Falling into a routine is a bad idea anyway, unless your partner has one specific way she wants it done.
Switching things up will keep it fun, fresh, and exciting for both of you. But more importantly, she might need you to come prepared with different moves and techniques.
Different things work for me at different points in my cycle. Something that might not work for me at the start of my cycle can be the key to bringing me to orgasm when I’m in my ovulation zone. So, it’s a good idea to vary your technique.
Don’t Take Her Out of the Zone
When she’s getting close to her climax, you only have one job: helping her reach it.
How will you know she’s in the zone? It depends. If you’re lucky, you’ll be with a particular vocal lady. She’ll moan things like “Don’t stop” and “Keep going.” Just follow her directions and you’ll be good.
Some women, though, are a lot less noisy when they’re getting close to coming. I’m one of them. I need to concentrate on the sensations if I’m going to get over the hump and fall into an orgasm. So, I get a lot quieter. I might moan, I might groan, but it’ll be more subtle than before.
It’s been an issue in the past. Mr. Austin has mistaken me being in the zone for thinking I wasn’t enjoying what he was doing. So, he’d switch things up when I got quiet, and I’d have to start building my orgasm all over again.
If she goes quiet, pay attention to her body language. Is she gripping the bed sheet? Is she biting her lip? Are her muscles tensing up?
If you’re attentive, you should be able to figure out whether she’s getting bored or getting close.
The easiest solution would be to just ask, but this is the one time I would advise against verbally checking in. Making her talk will break her concentration, for one thing. But also, the one thing most women need at this point is steady, uninterrupted stimulation. Basically, if you want her to come, don’t change a fucking thing. And taking your mouth off her pussy to ask if you’re doing okay is changing things up quite a bit.
And if you misread her entirely and think she’s on her way to a climax when really you’re tongue-fucking her and it’s just not doing much for her? Well, chances are she’ll give you some kind of signal. She’ll shift her hips and move around so your tongue is hitting her where she likes it. Or she’ll ask you to do something else.
But you probably won’t even need the signal - you’ll soon be able to tell how she’s feeling.
Keep Your Hands Busy
If you’re going down on someone, you don’t need to keep your hands at your sides like you’re bobbing for apples.
You might be using one hand to stroke your cock. Or you might be using both to prop yourself up. But if your hands are free, use them to touch her.
You don’t have to do anything intense with your hands — your tongue is the main event right now — but it’s always nicer if you can stroke, touch, or squeeze her hips, thighs, breasts, or stomach.
You can also finger her while eating her out. I completely, thoroughly enjoy this and can get some intense blended orgasms from it, but it does require some extra coordination and concentration.
If you’re going to finger her while eating her out, wait until you’re deep into it (pun entirely and completely intended). This is another thing you shouldn’t start too early. If you do, she might not be ready to fully enjoy it, and you might get tired of multitasking long before you’re done.
The classic move with the fingers is to stimulate the G-spot by inserting one or two fingers and rubbing about two knuckles deep.
You can also rotate your fingers 180 degrees so you’re doing the same move but rubbing downward. That’s where you’ll hit a little spot known as the perineal sponge. Hitting that spot on its own won’t bring me to an orgasm, but when it’s combined with oral, it intensifies my pleasure.
If your partner is into it and you’re confident in your skills, you can eat her out while fingering her pussy and her ass. Yep, I’m here endorsing the shocker. Obviously this isn’t every gal’s cup of tea, but for those who like it, simultaneously stimulating three erogenous zones feels really fucking good.
But remember that all of this is optional. At the end of the day, most women just want to get eaten out really well, whether there are fingers involved or not.
Talk Dirty to Her
This is another optional move, but it’s a good one.
Taking your mouth off her long enough to tell her she’s fucking delicious, that you can’t get enough of her pussy, or that you can’t wait to make her come can be extremely arousing.
It’s also reassuring. Like I said above, a lot of women feel shame about their bodies and guilt about receiving pleasure. Showing your excitement by saying a few nasty things can put her at ease.
Just don’t do it when she’s about to come. Your tongue should keep going steady at that point.
Lube Always Helps
The nice thing about eating pussy is that you’re both producing natural lubrication. You’re getting her wet while also applying saliva. Don’t be afraid to slobber on her — it just feels good.
And you can totally use lube during oral sex. A lot of people don’t realize this because it’s already a pretty wet activity, but the extra slickness takes it up a notch.
Flavored lubes are also fun. Mileage varies on this one, though. Flavored lube is still lube, so it won’t always be like eating candy. Go for a quality brand like Sliquid Swirl or something by Jo and you’ll have better luck.
Practice, Practice, Practice
To get really good at eating pussy, you need to keep practicing. Go down on her every time you have sex and you’ll master it in no time.
But even if it’s your first time doing it, all you need is the right approach to get good results. That’s why I wanted to make sure this guide was thorough, just like oral sex should be.
If you want to see some hot pussy eating in action, check out Girlsway (that’s an affiliate link, by the way). Use the code LOVEEMMA when you sign up to get a free week!
And if you want to hear me talk about oral sex with my husband, check out the Pussy Eating for the Win! (Eat It Like You Mean It) episode of my dirty and intimate sex podcast, Pillow Talk With Emma Austin.
