How Burnout Is Affecting My Sex Life
And what I’m doing to make it better
I don’t know when to stop. I never have.
In part, it’s because I have this unfortunate tendency to get lost in the things I’m doing.
When I come up with a new idea, I’ll start writing notes and lose track of how much time is going by. An hour will feel like ten minutes - and ten minutes will go by in a flash.
I have to block out an entire day when I want to do a photoshoot because I’ll get so focused on every little detail that I’ll end up skipping lunch by accident. I only realize how late it’s getting when I start losing the natural light.
I’m that way with hobbies too, especially when they’re new. I’ve gotten so caught up in crafting, painting, and knitting that I basically tune out everything around me.
And I genuinely love getting in that mental state. It’s when I do my best work, but it’s more than that. Being in the zone, fully concentrated, and deeply committed to accomplishing something is an incredible feeling. It probably doesn’t look like much from the outside, but it’s kind of a rush.
What I don’t love is coming out of it.
As soon as I stop, reality knocks me flat on my ass. All the bodily sensations I spent hours ignoring hit me all at once. I’m so exhausted I want to collapse. I’m sore all over. My blood sugar is so low it makes me woozy.
It’s a miserable crash and it calls for some serious recovery.
That’s the other issue, though. I have a really hard time giving myself the rest I need.
I’m well aware that I need breaks, but it doesn’t matter. I was raised by a man who thought that resting was a waste of time and that resting is just a cover for laziness. And even though I know that’s not true, that’s the kind of thing that sticks with you.
Taking breaks should be relaxing, but it mostly feels stressful. Because I’m not shutting off my brain - I’m thinking about all the things I could be doing instead. All the articles I could be writing, the photos I could be taking, the porn I could be filming, and the podcast episodes I could be recording.
It gets even worse when I start falling behind. Getting a podcast done at the last minute, not having anything new to post on my OnlyFans, or not writing as many blog posts as I did the month before all give this overwhelming sense that I’m fucking up - and I hate that feeling even more than the crashes I get after getting in the zone.
So instead of taking time to recover, I push myself to do more. I tell myself that all I need to do is get back in the zone and get things done. I can deal with the aftermath later.
Somehow, I was convinced I could keep that up. Maybe because it actually worked at first. As long as I ignored the exhaustion and forced myself to get started, I’d find my focus and get lost in my work like I usually did.
Well, you won’t be surprised when I tell you that I was wrong. I couldn’t keep it up for very long.
I mean, I could push myself to work. I could force myself to go through the motions. But I couldn’t get in the zone anymore - not even on a good day.
Eventually, I couldn’t even be bothered to try.
I fell further and further behind and it made me miserable, but I felt like I couldn’t do anything about it. It was as if my battery was dead and my charging cord was missing.
I wasn’t just struggling anymore. I wasn’t just anxious and unmotivated. I sure as hell wasn’t being lazy - no matter what my dad would say.
This was something else. This was a full-blown burnout.
And it affected everything.
I felt terrible more often than not. I was exhausted whenever my eyes were open. I could barely get any work done - and when I did, I didn’t have the patience or energy to get the results I wanted. I lost interest in all the things that used to give me joy.
It completely screwed up my sex life, too.
Local Woman Destroys Her Libido, Instantly Regrets It
I wasn’t having the easiest time with sex to begin with.
I have a pretty good idea of what I like, which helps a lot. I’ve learned how to give myself tons of pleasure, too. And I’m blessed with a husband who’s good with his fingers, really in tune with my body, and knows all the secrets to giving me multiple massive orgasms.
I’m all set for great sex - except for one thing.
I don’t always want it.
I’ve been in a struggle with my sex drive for basically my entire adult life. Unless I’m high off New Relationship Energy, I have a really hard time getting in the mood for all the sexy stuff I love.
It’s like the part of my brain that’s obsessed with sex can’t get through to the part that’s responsible for making me want it. The neurons are firing fast, but they’re going in the wrong direction.
That was bad enough. Burning out has made it so much worse.
My sex drive was already frustrating. Now it’s barely functioning. I haven’t lost my interest in sex as a subject - that’s a lifelong obsession that isn’t going away anytime soon. But I hit a low point where I honestly thought I might never get the urge to fuck or masturbate again.
So yeah, shit got bleak.
Bleak and hopeless, really. Because I felt like I couldn’t even do anything to get my libido back. There were so many things working against me, I didn’t even know where to start.
Burnout had given me a short fuse. I got so easily frustrated with everything that the last thing on my mind was riding dick or grinding on top of a wand.
I had a hard time connecting with my husband, too. Which is a real problem, because that emotional bonding is the first step to bumping uglies with him. That should come easily because we’re basically on the same wavelength. But I was so empty and broken that there wasn’t any room left for flirting and chemistry.
It didn’t help that there were physical symptoms, too. I didn’t feel sick, exactly. But I almost always felt like I was coming down with something. And that pushed all the sexy thoughts aside.
But by far the biggest problem is what burning out did to my self-image.
I basically stopped doing all the things that made me feel cute. I was so tired that I kept my makeup routine basic and my outfits comfortable. Taking photos and videos of myself felt like too much effort.
My confidence and my self-esteem were basically gone. My negative self-talk was louder than usual and nothing could get it to shut up.
And I just plain didn’t like this version of me. I had no energy to do anything. I was too grumpy to be any fun. I was already a pretty boring person and I managed to make myself even less interesting.
All those things combined to make me feel really unsexy. And that made it impossible for me to get turned on.
I hated it. I would’ve killed to feel breathlessly horny again. But I would’ve settled for slapping a few people to get a consistent sex life back. Or even just the desire to masturbate now and then.
I couldn’t stand it much longer. I had no idea if there was a way to get out of a burnout this severe, but I had to try. All the things I enjoyed the most in life depended on it.
Operation Happy Dirty Girl
I’ve spent the last two months trying to fix all the damage I’ve done to myself, and I’m happy to report that I’ve made some progress.
I’m still way more tired than I should be. My libido is still really hard to find. My anxiety levels are through the roof, when normally they’d just be right up to it.
But I’ve been able to enjoy things again. My brain isn’t all doom and gloom anymore - there are rays of sunshine here and there. I even managed to get myself off a few times, which felt like a significant accomplishment.
There’s definitely some light at the end of this tunnel - and plenty of pussy massages and dirty praise, too. So, I’ll keep going.
I’m doing my best to strike a balance between waging a full-force assault on my sexual desire and not doing anything that’ll make my burnout worse. I know that pushing myself to be happy, sexy, and productive would just backfire - that’s how I got in this mess to begin with.
That’s why the biggest steps I’m taking to get my sex life back don’t really have much to do with sex. They’re more about getting through the burnout - and hopefully everything else will follow after.
First, I’m giving myself plenty of rest. Whenever I feel tired, exhausted, or unmotivated, I lean into it as much as I can. I assume that’s my body telling me I’m doing too much, so it’s my sign to take it easy.
I’m also doing my best to lose the guilt. That’s a tough one for me. Doing nothing isn’t that hard, but feeling good about it is practically impossible. But I’m really trying because taking a break gives my body some rest, but feeling guilty about it means my brain isn’t getting any.
I’m finding ways to recharge, too. Doing absolutely nothing helps a bit, but I also need things that help me feel energized. Stupid little things like doodling, spending time with my dog, and distracting myself with cozy video games - those all help make me feel something other than tired and bummed out.
All the basic self-care stuff is part of this, too. Taking a couple of short walks every day. Making sure I’m drinking enough water and eating food with decent macros. Spending more time out of the house when it’s warm and sunny.
As I’m starting to feel better, I’m also doing a few things to help me get in a sexier mindset. Because being in a good mood is great, but my best self is more than that - she’s a happy, dirty girl.
So, I’m spending more time doing my hair and makeup. I’m putting on my cute outfits. I pass the time with dirty coloring books and I’m constantly on the lookout for steamy movies.
I’m trying to jill off more. That’s still very much a work in progress. But whenever I feel like I could go for some self-love, I give it to myself. Because it’s something I absolutely need, even if it takes a little convincing to get myself going.
And this - what I’m doing right now. Talking and writing about my burnout is helping me get through it. It makes everything I’m going through feel less shameful. It makes me feel less alone. It gives me some clarity about my problems that I didn’t have when they were just swirling around in my head.
With any luck, I’ll get my mojo back. And when I do, I’ll be really careful not to lose it again.
Because pushing myself really hard might seem like a good idea in the moment. But losing my desire to get it on just isn’t worth it.
This post contains affiliate links to lots of sexy stuff I love! If you click on one and treat yourself to anything from the site, I earn a small commission and you’ll be adding a little spice to your life! And be sure to use the code LOVEEMMA at checkout to save 15% on your entire order from Betty’s Toy Box!
If you liked this article, you should totally check out the How to Take Hot Nudes When You Don’t Feel Sexy episode of my dirty and intimate sex podcast, Pillow Talk With Emma Austin!
