Get in the Naughty Mood With Valentine's Day Porn
Review of Valentine’s Day Dick in a Bag by My Family Pies
I think of Valentine’s Day as a sexy holiday. But sexy in a very sweet, lighthearted, and playful kind of way.
And when I think of lighthearted sexiness, I think of the Nubiles Porn network.
I got a membership to Nubiles after spending years watching their clips on Pornhub. By the time I signed up, I was already intimately familiar with their style.
It almost always involves some kind of family roleplay. When it’s not family, it’s usually two people who shouldn’t be fucking, like students and their horny teachers or impossibly flexible balerinas and their inappropriate dance coaches.
But it’s not just the fauxcest and forbidden lust that stand out. It’s also the overall tone of the site.
Their videos are lit brightly and shot professionally. But more importantly, they’re just plain silly.
The scenarios are often absurd and implausible. The dialog is full of lines that are funny out of context and even more ridiculous as part of the scene.
It’s completely cheesy, but that’s a deliberate choice. This is porn that’s meant to amuse you, maybe make you giggle, but definitely still turn you on.
And that’s exactly what I was in the mood for when I went to check what they had released for Valentine’s Day.
As they often do, their latest video won me over with its title alone. It was called Valentine’s Day Dick in a Bag.
I mean, how could I not click on that?
That sounded like just the kind of seasonally appropriate fluff I was in the mood for.
A Twist on the Popcorn Trick
Valentine’s Day Dick in a Bag is part of the My Family Pies series. One quick look at the logo shows that this is meant to be a play on the TV sitcom Family Ties.
And if there was any doubt about that, the My Family Pies theme song makes it extra obvious.
It plays over a classic sitcom montage, showing the cast doing their thing and getting into all sorts of hijinx. Except, this one features lots more oral sex and ends in a cumshot.
Valentine’s Day Dick in a Bag opens with Jessie Saint and Kyler Quinn filling out Valentine’s Day cards.
The production team must not have bothered to get extra cards in case they had to reshoot this scene, because I noticed a brief glimpse of one of them misspelling “Valentine.” But hey, the show must go on.
The strangest part of this setup, though, is that they’re filling out these misspelled Valentine’s Day cards for no one in particular.
Since neither of them have crushes, Kyler recommends giving them to Jessie’s stepbrother, played by Codey Steele.
He’s a regular face in Nubiles Porn videos and it has a lot to do with his youthful look. The guy is 32 now but he can believably pass for 22 - or younger if the scene calls for it. He’s perfect faux stepbrother and stepson material.
He acts bashful when he receives the cards. And it clearly means a lot to him because he’s grateful enough to reciprocate with a gesture of his own.
Codey goes the extra mile and takes on a craft project, pouring candy hearts into a gift bag, slipping a box of bath bombs into it - and carving a hole in the side of it.
He calls for the girls so he can give them their surprise gifts. Jessie reaches into the bag first and pulls out the bath bombs. Then Kyler sticks her hand in and comes up with a few candy hearts. At Codey’s encouragement, she reaches in again. This time, instead of candy hearts, she grabs a handful of his cock.
Bath bombs, candy hearts, and dick. Honestly, that’s a pretty good Valentine’s Day starter pack.
Kyler’s clearly excited by the chubby she got her hands on. And because good friends always share, she encourages Jessie to reach in as well.
Jessie isn’t so pleased with the surprise. As soon as she feels her stepbrother’s soft cock, she storms out of the room, outraged.
Image from My Family Pies / Nubiles Porn
This is when we find out that Kyler isn’t just Jessie’s friend - she’s also a little troublemaker. Instead of supporting Jessie, she tries to sneakily escalate things by suggesting they dress up in sexy lingerie to tease Codey, ostensibly to make up for his embarrassment over the whole dick-in-a-bag thing.
Jessie’s hesitant. “Isn’t that fucked up, though?” she says. “He’s family.”
“It’s not like we’re gonna fuck him or anything,” Kyler reassures her.
But they are most definitely going to fuck him. Since Codey’s the kind of guy who tricks girls into touching his dick, it’s not surprising that he’s also the kind to get the “wrong” idea when his stepsister wears lingerie for him.
(Like I said, the scenarios on Nubiles Porn are as silly as they are implausible.)
While Codey admires the girls, Kyler confesses that she’s really horny and adds, “I think I want your brother’s dick for Valentine’s Day.” She proceeds to take his dick out and blow him while Jessie, understandably, looks uncomfortable about the whole thing.
Kyler invites her to join in on the fun but Jessie declines because she worries it would be wrong to fuck a family member. Kyler dismisses her concerns, reminding her that “he’s just your stepbrother” before adding that she’s “really into when stepbrothers and stepsisters do things together.”
Can’t say I blame her.
That’s all the coaxing Jessie needs, but she’s not ready to blow her brother just yet. Instead, she pulls down Kyler’s underwear and eats her out, forming a nice little three-person pleasure train.
That lasts until Kyler switches positions. Now she’s the one going down on Jessie, and Codey’s fucking her from behind at the same time.
Getting her pussy eaten puts Jessie in a much more receptive mood, because she eventually declares that she wants to try her stepbrother’s dick now. And since that’s Kyler’s jam, she’s more than happy to switch places with her.
She sits on Codey’s cock and rides it, while Kyler straddles his face to complete a reverse Eiffel Tower.
Then they give him a double blowjob, and this was a bit of a lull for me because things go kind of quiet during this part of the scene. There’s some slurping and muffled moaning coming from the ladies. But we don’t get to hear from Codey, even though he’s living out every horny stepbrother’s dream.
I’m going to chalk that up to a production issue. Maybe they aimed the mics at the girls but didn’t bother making sure Codey could be heard loudly and clearly.
Thankfully, it isn’t long before they’re back on top of him, straddling him, and moaning enthusiastically.
The scene ends the only way it could - with Codey fucking his stepsister while Kyler admires the action and gives words of encouragement.
But it wouldn’t be a My Family Pies video without a fauxcest creampie, and that’s just what we’re treated to. Codey pulls most of his cock out of Jessie’s pussy, leaving just the head in so we can see his cock throbbing and pulsating as finishes inside her.
Then we get the obligatory creamy pussy moneyshot. And since it’s a Nubiles film, we also get a final dose of cheesiness. First, with Jessie saying “Well, that was a Valentine’s Day surprise” and then Codey suggesting they get together again for another fuck on Flag Day.
Porn Doesn’t Always Have to Be Serious
Valentine’s Day Dick in a Bag turned out to be just as silly as I expected it to be, and that’s fine. It’s exactly what I want out of a Nubiles Porn scene.
It’s well lit, shot decently well, and even though they didn’t seem to mic Codey properly, the production quality was decent overall.
It was a touch on the predictable side, but that’s not so bad either. My Family Pies is in its 17th season now and by this point they have fauxcest creampie scenarios down to a reliable formula.
My only real issue with the scene is that it had some consensual non-consent elements that were a bit out of my comfort zone.
I don’t mind a dubious consent scenario. In fact, I fucking love it. Give me stepsisters stuck in dryers and window frames any day.
But this scene had a little too much coercion for my tastes. Codey tricking his stepsister into touching his dick is one thing. But it’s when Kyler tried to victim blame Jessie and guilt her into fucking Codey that it got a little sketchy for me.
It’s just fantasy, so it’s all good if that kind of thing rubs you the right way. But it kind of pumps my brakes.
That didn’t really stop me from watching it, though, because the whole scene is so deliberately silly and played for laughs that it’s hard to be bothered by the darker stuff in it.
Overall, the scene lived up to its title and helped me get in the Valentine’s Day mood. I even learned a valuable lesson from it. From now on, I’ll be a little more careful when I reach into gift bags.
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