Fat Girls Fuck Too
And people will pay to watch
I was on my bed, trying to get at least one shot that would make my ass look great.
I knew exactly what I wanted that photo to look like. Head down, holding a book in front of my face, buns up in the air - like a slutty nerd showing off her arch.
I couldn’t get any of the photos to turn out the way I wanted them to, but it didn’t really matter. Trying to get it right was a lot of fun. It took me almost an hour to get a single photo, but I was completely in the moment the entire time.
When I was done, I was kind of disappointed. Not because of the photos, but because I knew I’d never show them to anyone.
I was only 22 and already giving up on my dream of making porn.
In reality, I had already given up on it long before I even started. I always knew the dirty photos I took were just for me.
Because who would want to see a fat girl take her clothes off anyway?
I couldn’t let go of that thought. I held onto it tightly even though I knew there were plenty of people who loved seeing big girls do extremely dirty things.
I knew that because I was one of them.
Even though I couldn’t see my own body as desirable, I had no problem admiring the same body type in other women.
I drooled over chubby girls who wore barely anything - and wore it confidently. Really good BBW porn was one of the hottest things I could come across. And very thick girls played prominent roles in lots of my sexual fantasies.
And then there was Mr. Austin. I was in a long-term relationship with a guy who wasn’t just hot for me - he had a genuine preference for bigger girls. His porn collection was proof of that.
But it didn’t matter. Because it wasn’t my own apprehensions that kept me from making porn.
I knew there were people who found girls like me attractive. And I loved the idea of spending hours thinking up new scenes, troubleshooting shots, filming some downright dirty stuff, and sharing them with whoever was into it.
I would have been over the moon if I could have made a career out of it. More likely, it would be a sidehustle and that was okay too. If I’m perfectly honest, I might have shot porn just to have a creative outlet, make some strangers happy and horny, and maybe even get a few flattering compliments out of it.
But that’s just the thing - I didn’t imagine myself getting any of those. I assumed that putting my porn online would get me a flood of hurtful comments.
That’s the thing that held me back. It was the only thing that stopped me.
Still a long way from making porn (photo by author)
I loved porn and wanted to get in on the action. I wanted to turn my apartment into a creative sex oasis - a small place where every room could double as a set.
But I already had spent a short lifetime hearing the kinds of things people say about fat girls, and I couldn’t stop worrying that people would say those kinds of things about me.
I Learned to Keep Myself Hidden
Growing up as a chubby girl makes you paranoid.
You try to love your body, but you’re also painfully aware that other people don’t care for it at all.
Even when people don’t say mean shit to your face, it doesn’t matter. Because you hear them make fun of women who are as big as you are. And the things they say are seriously fucked up.
You see fatphobia so often that you know you could encounter it anywhere. So, you start assuming every person you come across looks down on fat women. It’s safer that way.
Your weight always feels conspicuous, like it’s the first thing anyone’s going to notice about you. You do everything you can to avoid making yourself a target for other people’s judgment.
You become highly aware of the way you eat.
You take small bites and try not to eat too quickly. You never eat out by yourself because that makes you feel like there’s a spotlight shining down on you. You barely touch your dessert while your thinner friends are eating the last bites of theirs.
You overthink your clothes too.
You cover up and never wear anything too revealing. You never consider any swimsuit unless it’s a one-piece. If you take anything remotely sexy to the dressing room, you end up leaving it in the dressing room.
It’s nice to imagine wearing something that shows a lot of skin. But then you remember what other people will think if you do.
And that paranoia comes rushing back the moment you even consider making porn.
I didn’t have a problem being a fat girl who did porn. I just didn’t want to deal with all the bullshit that fat girls get when they decide to act as sexy as they feel.
So, I put my porn hobby on pause.
Well, it’s more like I put it on stop. I never thought I’d actually pick it up again. It felt completely out of reach - the kind of thing that other girls get to do and that girls like me just get to dream of.
Instead of baring my big ass to the world, I kept it covered up.
I really wanted to be the college student with a dirty little secret - that’s even one of my favorite porn scenarios. But I settled for being the college student who likes to spend her Saturdays at the farmers market and on the walking trails.
Still hiding the fact that I’m not wearing pants (photo by author)
It took me more than ten years before I found a way to really channel my passion for sex and porn into something more than just having sex and watching porn.
At first, I wrote erotic stories. Soon that turned into blogging. And once I got a handle on the whole writing thing, I decided to start a podcast.
I was revealing everything about myself.
I shared my favorite sexual fantasies in all their explicit details. I laid out my entire sexual history, from the first time I awkwardly stroked a cock to the last time I had one inside me. I gave all my dirtiest opinions, talked about the kind of porn I jill off to, and which sex toys I used while doing it.
There was just one thing I was holding back. I was happy to confess every little detail of my sex life, but I couldn’t bring myself to show the girl behind the words.
For more than a year, I used a stock photo in all my profiles.
I didn’t feel comfortable showing my face, and I felt even less comfortable showing my body. I found a thin model with purple hair and let her be me instead.
Partly, that was to protect my identity. If my mom happens to be an avid reader of sex blogs, I’d rather she not find my massive online sex diary.
Mostly, it was also to protect me.
I got some cruel and nasty comments in my first year of writing. But because it wasn’t me in the photo, none of those comments were about my appearance. They could say all the vile things they wanted about my words, my opinions, and even my personality - but they couldn’t touch my body.
I was hidden away. But at least I was safe.
My Fully Naked Ass Is Finally Online
After a while, you just get tired.
Tired of hiding yourself away all the time. Tired of not being the person you really want to be. Tired of not living the kind of life you want to live.
I loved using my words, but only having my words started to feel so restrictive. I wanted to feel like I was my full self.
But I had to do it in baby steps.
It was half my face at first. The other half was hidden behind my phone.
Eventually, I got the courage to show my entire face - in the most flattering angle I could find.
Once I got really brave, I started posting the occasional photo with my body in it too.
An Instagram-friendly thirst trap (photo by author)
I know it sounds silly, because those were extremely tame photos and I had already shared my detailed thoughts on anal sex, fauxcest porn, and every pervy topic I could think of. But it felt so fucking good to finally show myself.
I could take selfies and post the ones I thought were cute enough.
I could film unboxings and product videos that didn’t just have my hands in them.
I might be using a pen name, but I finally feel like I can be myself. And that’s an amazing feeling.
And it’s because of that feeling that I started thinking about making porn again.
So there I was, back in my bed after more than ten years, trying to get a good shot of my ass again. No book this time. No slutty nerd. Just my awkward self working my butt off to get a few shots that made my rump look as good as it’s gonna look.
I even felt the same way I did back then. I was totally immersed in the work. I was frustrated and exhilarated by the challenges involved in it. And I was feeling all sorts of creative sparks.
The only difference is that this time, I was excited too. Because I knew there was a real chance I’d use the things I shot - that I’d finally be an honest to goodness amateur porn creator.
Getting there wasn’t a super smooth ride. It was months and months of taking dirty photos, shooting filthy videos, and studying other people’s porn to find ways to improve mine.
After all the practice and the planning, though, I finally had it - a few videos that weren’t perfect by any means, but were definitely good enough.
I uploaded them to JustForFans, priced them, announced them, and got subscribers who were eager to watch me jill off with my favorite sex toys, lick flavored lube off my husband’s cock, and get bent over and fucked by him.
After giving up more than ten years ago, I was finally making and selling porn.
My JustForFans profile! (Screenshot by author)
I’m not holding myself back anymore. I get to be the person I’ve always wanted to be, and that feels incredibly liberating.
Sometimes, I still worry about the mean shit people might be thinking about me. But all the comments I’ve gotten so far have been really supportive - from the ones telling me they love beating off to my videos to the ones asking me to show my asshole more clearly.
And that’s the way it should be.
Because there are lots of things that hold people back from posting nudes or doing porn. But the size of their bodies should never be one of them.
If you want to check out my porn, you can see all of my explicit content on my JustForFans page and on my OnlyFans! I post nudes and explicit videos with masturbation, sex toys, ass play, blowjobs, hardcore fucking, and whatever else I come up with!
If you liked this article, you should totally check out the Rub Me Down and Get Me Off (Massage Porn, Happy Endings, and Goopy Nuru Gel) episode of my dirty and intimate sex podcast, Pillow Talk With Emma Austin!
