6 Ways to Be Sexier When You're Submissive
Sexiness doesn’t look the same for everyone
I never found it easy to be sexy.
I wish I was better at it. I want to be the kind of girl who really knows how to turn her partners on. I want to be able to tap into that amazing, powerful energy that comes from being desirable.
But it’s not something that comes naturally to me.
I’m kind of awkward. A little clumsy. I’m shy and get embarrassed very easily. I’m still learning to get comfortable wearing lingerie and I can’t really talk dirty - not in full sentences anyway.
So, sexiness felt unattainable for me.
And depending on what we mean by that word, I still believe it is.
When I think of sexy women, I think of the ones who can strut confidently into the bedroom wearing high heels and barely anything else. They’re the ones who can initiate sex as overtly as men do. They’re the ones who can grin, lean into you, and purr something nasty in your ear.
I find that kind of attitude really appealing - but only in other women.
I don’t say that because I don’t believe in myself and I’m convinced I can’t achieve it. I say that because I don’t really want to achieve it.
It’s just not me. It doesn’t resonate with who I am.
I’m sexually submissive and I’m not comfortable doing things that take me out of that role. I don’t want to upset the sexual dynamic I find most arousing by putting myself in charge.
But I still want to do things to make myself more sexually attractive.
I want to be more desirable and appealing to my partner. I want to actively turn him on. I don’t just want him to take charge during sex - I want to entice him into dominating me.
That meant I had to figure out what sexiness looks like when it’s not bold and brazen. What could I do to make myself sexier while still being submissive? How could I excite my partner’s dominant side?
So far, I’ve come up with six answers to those questions.
Play Coy
Playing coy is about insinuating that you’ve got dirty thoughts without actually sharing those thoughts explicitly.
You can do it by dropping innuendos and saying things suggestively. You can convey it with your body language, like when you bite your lip to show your excitement. And it’s hard to describe this one, but you can also look at your partner with a horny gleam in your eyes.
This is usually how I get when I’m in the mood to be dominated, and it works.
When I act coy, my husband puts the moves on me, smacks and paddles my ass, and straps the restraints around my wrists.
Another good coy move is to use a title from your sexual dynamic in a non-sexual context. Casually calling your partner “sir” or “daddy” can be a good way to turn him on and instantly flip the way he looks at you.
Act Sweet and Innocent
Playing up the innocence is another good way to make yourself seem more enticing and still very subby.
Unlike playing coy, this involves putting on an act. In fact, it works best when you really exaggerate it.
Pretend to be a lot more shy than you normally are. Act really innocent and naive, even though he knows you’re experienced and has seen you be very dirty. Giggle, blush, be timid, and insist that you’ve never done anything naughty before.
Acting that way encourages him to take the lead. It puts him in charge. It makes you seem small, inexperienced, and in need of his guidance.
This kind of playful ignorance can make you really attractive to your dominant partner, but it will work especially well on daddy doms.
Dress the Part
The first time I bought a costume to wear during sex, it wasn’t a traditionally sexy outfit. It wasn’t revealing. It wasn’t lacey or see-through. It covered me up more than the clothes I normally wear to bed.
It was an Alice in Wonderland costume, and one of the things I really liked about it is that it made me look a little more sweet and innocent.
That worked really well with the submissive middle vibe I was going for. But there are other ways you can dress to signal your submissiveness.
A collar is an obvious choice. In some relationships and arrangements, collars have a lot of very specific and important significance. Even outside of that, they’re still a clear symbol of the role you play in the power dynamic. It can make you look like you’re owned, like you want to be your partner’s plaything, or that you’re ready to have them lead you.
Pigtails are a good option if you’re trying to play up your innocence. It also gives him something he could grab and hold onto, which can excite his imagination.
Short skirts like the one on a schoolgirl uniform are really good because they’re not too revealing but give a lot of easy access. That’s a really attractive feature because a lot of dominant guys don’t just like to see you exposed - they want to be the ones who expose you.
Present Yourself
Presenting yourself essentially means striking poses that make you look more submissive and compliant.
It can be subtle, like lying down on the bed and making your body language open and receptive.
It can also be extremely overt, like stripping naked and kneeling in front of your partner with your hands behind your back.
Another option is to arch your back and present your ass and pussy like they’re his for the taking.
It’s not just about exposing yourself and showing your body. It’s about showing that you’re open to his lead. It’s a non-verbal invitation for your dominant partner to have his way with you.
Beg
Because I’m really into edging, begging is a big part of my sex life.
My husband gets a lot of pleasure out of edging me - bringing me right up to the brim of an orgasm but pulling away just before I get there. But what he really seems to enjoy is how I beg and plead for him to let me come.
Sometimes, I think he denies my orgasm just so he can hear me whine for it again.
Begging is a really sexy thing for a submissive to do because it puts all the power in your partner’s hands. You’re asking for what you want, but instead of being assertive and demanding it, you’re just praying and hoping he’s generous enough to give it to you.
It can be a little humiliating, which is something a lot of dominant guys are into. Or it can just make you seem extremely horny which, let’s face it, is hot whether you’re subby or not.
Begging for something is basically dirty talk for submissives, so don’t be afraid to lean into it. A little whimpering doesn’t hurt, either.
Displays of Trust
In the context of a relationship that features power exchange and control dynamics, doing things that show you trust your partner can be extremely sexy.
Of course, they have to earn it. You shouldn’t give yourself over to anyone unless you know it’s safe to do so.
But when that trust is genuine, you can allow yourself to be extremely vulnerable and give yourself over to him as totally as you can.
I don’t just mean letting him do things to you, but showing him that you have no fear and no worries about being under his care and control.
It’s making yourself soft and pliable when he positions you and ties you down. It’s keeping your muscles relaxed when you feel his fingers around your throat. It’s giving him no resistance and obeying without hesitation.
Those are subtle but trust me when I say that a dominant guy will pick up on them. And nothing turns on a genuine dom like perfect submission.
Your Submission Is Your Sexiness
Sexiness looks different if you’re submissive, and that’s okay.
Instead of trying to fit into another person’s mold of what sexy should be, find the version of it that suits you best.
It might be sweet and demure. It might be shy and pliable. But whatever it is, you can play into it and make yourself extremely attractive to the right kind of person.
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