6 Super Simple Things That Will Make You Much Better in Bed
Great sex isn’t complicated
I’ve ruined a lot of sex for myself.
I’m the kind of girl who’s very prone to anxiety. I get nervous and flustered in pretty much any situation. I’m constantly getting caught up in my head. I can be super self-conscious and second guess everything.
It was the same during sex.
I should’ve been fully present. I should have lost myself in the moment.
Instead, I’d often get hung up on something.
I wondered whether I was being exciting enough to be a good fuck.
I worried that my blowjob technique was too boring. Or that my handjobs weren’t as stimulating as they could be.
I overanalyzed everything - how much time I spent on top, how much enthusiasm I was showing, whether my sex positions were too basic.
I’d cross my fingers and hope that being loud and vocal made up for the fact that I didn’t do any dirty talking.
All of it was fucking up my fun.
Even when the sex was great, I was too caught up in my own head to enjoy it to the fullest.
And it was completely pointless. I was worrying over nothing because sex doesn’t have to be complex or elaborate to be great.
When the sex is amazing, it’s almost never because you’re using some kind of advanced technique or trying sex positions that make you feel like you’ve just been through an intense workout.
It’s because you’re fucking in a way that feels playful and open. It’s the things that make you feel really connected to the person you’re getting it on with. It’s all the stuff that makes you feel so safe and hot that you get to be as uninhibited as you want to be.
And those things all happen to be really simple and easy. These are some of the most important ones.
Giving More Than You Get (Without Giving Too Much)
I’ve got nothing against pillow princesses. I can be a little bit of one sometimes.
But if you want to be incredible in bed, you’ve got to be giving.
In theory, sex is going to be great if everything is reciprocal - if everyone gets as much as they give. But getting that kind of balance is extremely tricky.
In fact, trying to achieve it is probably going to make sex worse. If your partner feels like you’re keeping score and making sure that you’re getting as much as they are, it’s going to make fucking you feel more transactional than passionate.
It’s even worse if you actually are keeping score. Good sex is never going to be titty-for-tat. It should feel like each of you got as much pleasure as you could get - and that’s just not going to happen if you’re trying to make sure it’s even.
The right way to do it is to try to give more than you’re getting.
If you’re not stingy in the sack, it’s going to make you a much better fuck. And if your partner isn’t stingy either, it’s going to be result in the kind of incredible, mindblowing sex that would make all of your exes jealous.
It doesn’t matter if you actually give more pleasure than you get every single time. All that matters is that you and your partner feel like you’re always getting more than enough of the good stuff.
Don’t take it too far, though. Make sure you’re not forgetting about your own pleasure.
That’s not usually a problem - most people still want to get theirs. But some people are so eager to get their partners off and blow their minds that they make it all about giving.
That kind of thing can be really fun once in a while - like a horny pampering. But when it happens too much, it’s going to make the sex feel one-sided.
Everyone wants to be great at sex. They want to feel like they’re giving their partner exactly what they want. They want to give pleasure, not just take it.
So, make sure you’re leaving room for that. Let your partner give you pleasure, let them know what gets you off and turns you on, give them an opportunity to feel like they’re wowing you too.
Being Chill About Sex Toys and Lube
Plain sex can be really good. But it’s so much more fun when you throw in some accessories.
Everyone’s fine laying down a sex blanket before you get down and dirty. Throwing a wedge or two on the bed for some more comfortable action and extra pleasure is going to be cool too.
But when it comes to sex toys and lube, that’s when things can get dicey.
For whatever reason, those things make people insecure.
If their partner wants to bring a dildo, a vibrator, or a pocket pussy to bed, they take it personally. They think it means they’re not good enough - that sex with them is so bad that artificial stimulation is the only thing that could make it worth having.
Same with lube.
If their partner needs lube, they think it means there’s some kind of problem. They’re just not hot enough to turn them on.
So, they leave the toys and lube out. Or they go along with it but get weird and passive aggressive about it.
Either way, that’s going to suck the fun right out of your sex life.
Being great in bed doesn’t mean you’re so good that your partner isn’t even going to want to use any accessories. In fact, being chill about that stuff is part of what makes someone fun to fuck.
Using sex toys isn’t admitting failure - it’s just pleasurable.
It’s a way for your partner to come even harder. It means you can give them a kind of stimulation your body isn’t even capable of giving. And they can use toys on you and give you lots of it in return.
It makes sex more playful. It adds an incredible amount of variety. It keeps things really interesting, no matter how long you’ve been fucking each other.
Sex is already really fun. Sex with toys makes it even better.
Same with lube. It just improves things - even if you don’t need it.
It makes penetration easier. It makes pussy rubbing more stimulating. It makes handjobs slippery and extra pleasurable.
Flavored lube just plain tastes good - and it results in extra enthusiastic blowjobs.
And if your partner does need lube to have sex, it doesn’t really mean anything.
Some bodies just don’t lubricate all that easily. It could also be medical or hormonal.
It could be arousal issues that have nothing to do with you or how your partner feels about you.
They might just be super sensitive and need to reduce as much friction as they can.
And the fact that they want to use lube is actually a good sign. If they weren’t into you anymore, they wouldn’t be pulling out their bottle of Jo H2O - they just wouldn’t be fucking you at all.
Same with sex toys. If they want to use them with you, it doesn’t mean they’re not enjoying the sex you’re having. It means the sex is so fun that they got inspired to try new things with you.
You don’t stock up on app-controlled vibrators, vibrating buttplugs, and cool Tenga strokers because you’re bored of fucking. You do it because you’re so excited about sex you want to try all sorts of new and different ways to get off together.
Toys, lube, and accessories make sex better. And being cool about them is automatically going to make you better at sex.
Making Your Partner Feel Good (Not Just Making Them Come)
I’m extremely pro orgasm.
I’m not going to be a happy camper unless I get to come. It doesn’t matter how good the sex is - I want a big finish at the end.
Actually, I want more than that. I’m capable of having multiple orgasms and I want them.
Ideally, I’ll come so often I lose count of my climaxes.
But that doesn’t mean I want sex to be all about my orgasms. I don’t.
Really good sex is probably going to make you come. But it’s also going to feel great all the way through - not just at the end.
There’s going to be lots of arousal and the kind of sexual chemistry you can actually feel. There’s going to be teasing and buildup. There’s going to be naughty stuff and playful stuff that you’ll be replaying in your head the next day.
And there’s going to be lots and lots of pleasure.
If you want to be the kind of person who gives mindblowing sex, you should definitely figure out how to make your partner come - and come hard.
But most of your focus should just be on making them feel good.
Do things that are going to really turn them on. Give them all sorts of different stimulation. Play around and try out some new things.
It isn’t always going to move them closer to an orgasm, but that doesn’t matter. Pleasure is good enough on its own - it doesn’t have to lead to anything.
Spending all your time aiming for an orgasm usually backfires anyway.
You might struggle to actually make your partner come because you’re trying too hard to get them there.
Sex can start feeling boring and repetitive because you’re relying on surefire orgasmic techniques instead of just having fun.
When it does work, making a beeline to the orgasm is just going to cut sex short. So, you’re both going to be missing out on a lot of extra pleasure, intensity, and hot moments.
And when someone is so focused on giving orgasms, it can make sex feel like it’s all about them. Like they’re more concerned with checking that box and feeling skilled instead of giving someone an incredible experience.
The orgasms are going to come - maybe even more than once. So take your time, have fun, and focus on making your partner feel really fucking good instead.
(Actually) Communicating
Pretty much everyone knows that communication is the key to good sex. But there must be a lot of different definitions of what that means, because lots of people are clearly not doing it.
There are so many couples who struggle with sex because they’re willing to do all sorts of things - except talk about it.
They can strip down to their birthday suits and rub up all over each other. They can do a bit of ass eating and then have some hard anal sex. They can call each other the filthiest names while they’re going at it. But they can’t bring themselves to discuss their needs and preferences - that’s just too vulnerable and intimate.
And not being able to talk about sex means it’s going to suck. It just is.
It’ll work out fine sometimes. Everything will line up perfectly and everyone will get all their needs met. It’s going to be hot and amazing.
It will probably be fine at the start of a relationship, too. At that point, you’re carried by the sheer excitement of fucking someone new. You’re madly in love and just getting to have sex with them feels incredible.
Sooner or later, though, things get a little more complicated.
There’s something that would really turn you on, but you can’t bring yourself to ask for it.
You want to experiment with a bit of bondage, but you clam up when you even think of bringing it up.
They’re doing something that really puts you off during sex, but you feel too bad to mention it.
Or you can’t seem to get your sex drives to line up so you can actually fuck on a regular basis, but you’re too embarrassed to talk it out.
So, the sex starts to suck. Probably for both of you.
Even if it’s still alright, you’re definitely missing out on how good it could be. Because nothing beats sex that hits all your kinks, gives you the stimulation you really crave, and has all the things that arouse you. And you can pretty much only get that by asking for it.
So, start asking.
Get comfortable starting conversations about kinks, turn-ons, and preferences. You can even take some sex quizzes together if you need a bit of help getting the conversation going.
Let your partner know what you need for sex to feel great and encourage them to open up as well.
Don’t be afraid to give a little direction during sex. And definitely ask for some too.
And give them honest feedback instead of keeping it bottled up and wishing your partner could just figure it out somehow.
A lot of people hesitate to really communicate about sex because it makes them feel awkward. But it’s not nearly as awkward as being in the middle of some subpar sex that isn’t really doing it for either of you.
Paying Attention to Nonverbal Cues
Being able to talk about sex is super fucking important. But sex is even better when you don’t have to say it all out loud.
If you have to spell everything out for each other, it’s going to slow down the flow. It won’t feel quite as smooth and easy.
Plus, there’s going to be a lot of nonverbal communication anyway. Your partner is going to give you all sorts of indications of what they want.
Their breathing will get deeper and heavier when they’re really enjoying the stimulation you’re giving them.
They’ll moan and groan to express their arousal and pleasure.
They’re going to shift their position to make parts of their body more inviting and accessible - or to close them off to discourage you from touching them in certain spots.
They might go quiet and focused when they’re getting close to an orgasm.
And everyone has that look - the one that shows that whatever you’re doing, it’s making them incredibly horny.
If you want to give them a fuck worth remembering, you’re going to pay enough attention to pick up on those.
That way, you’re going to give them all the things they want - even the things they’re not asking for. And you’ll also have a better idea of when something isn’t working and you should just try a different technique, shift positions, or bring out some extra sex toys.
Showing Your Desire
Wanna know one of my sexual pet peeves?
Quiet dudes.
The guys who fuck without saying a word. The ones who barely make a sound. You’re lucky if you even hear a grunt when they’re coming.
It kind of ruins the excitement.
They might even have some really good technique - perfect penetration rhythm, mastery of the Kivin method, all the safe kinky skills a girl could hope for. Still, there’d be something missing.
That’s because quiet sex just doesn’t make me feel desired. And that’s an incredibly important aspect of it.
It’s one of the reasons sex is so intense and satisfying.
Yeah, the sexual stimulation is amazing.
Yes, the orgasms are great.
But feeling like someone is turned on by you, is drawn to you, and can’t resist you - that’s a big part of it too.
And unlike orgasms, it’s something you can’t give yourself. Masturbate as hard you want, you’re just not going to feel wanted the way you do when you’re fucking someone who clearly has the hots for you.
So, if you really want to blow someone’s socks off, you’ve got to show them just how much you’re into them.
There are a few different ways you can do that.
The easiest way is by using your mouth. Moaning and groaning work, but dirty talk is even better. It’s going to make it obvious that you’re not just fucking for the physical pleasure - you’re genuinely into them.
I feel it most when I receive straight-up praise. Just a bunch of dirty words of affirmation about my body, my skills, and whatever else motivates my partner to say some very nice things about me.
You can convey your desires physically, too. Grab them and squeeze them. Play with their hair. Kiss and worship different parts of their body.
Basically, touching them in a way that shows that you’re really into them instead of just pleasuring their naughty bits.
If you’re sexually submissive, putting your partner in a position of power can work too. Giving yourself over to them, presenting your body for them, and giving them trust and compliance can be a way to show just how turned on you are.
Same for more sexually dominant people. Leading your partner through the action or taking charge while still making it about their pleasure are great ways to show them that they really excite something in you.
No matter how you do it, it should be clear. If your partner never has to wonder just how much you want them, you’re going to give them the kind of deep sexual satisfaction they could never give themselves.
Don’t Overthink It
I love complicated sex moves. I’m into trying out weird, elaborate positions. I like seeing some wild shit in porn and trying to replicate it.
It’s fun. Sometimes it’s silly. And it always keeps things interesting.
But it’s only exciting and enjoyable because I’m already having amazing, eyes rolling in the back of my head, ultra-orgasmic sex.
If I wasn’t, the complicated stuff would feel like we’re trying too hard. Or make me wonder why I bother getting sore and uncomfortable if I’m definitely not gonna get my mind blown.
So, forget all the advanced stuff. Don’t worry about impressing anyone with a bunch of athletic moves. Get all these basics down first. They might not make you feel like a pornstar but they’re definitely going to make you a great lay - and that’s what really counts.
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If you liked this article, you should totally check out the Let’s Discover Our Erotic Blueprints (Sexual Excitement, Golden Retriever Energy, and Jake’s Identity Crisis) episode of my dirty and intimate sex podcast, Pillow Talk With Emma Austin!
